Okay, I'm down to four str8guy candidates now: Rod, Terry, McCabe and computer geek one. Richard Grant is eliminated because I chatted with str8guy today and he commented on my hair. Richard was in Birmingham all day, so it can't be him. Getting closer. Getting closer. Kebabbed testicles on the way. Stewed penis and custard...

Bitter, moi?

Work was tough today. After last night. I cried for about two hours when I went to bed. The pillow was soaked. I had to turn it round, then swap it for the bottom pillow. One of those bastards - Rod, Terry, McCabe, Geek - sees me as a slut, a whore ready to perform at the drop of a hat. It's not a nice thought. It saps you. It drains you. Leaves you too tired to think.

str8guy was suspiciously quiet today. Didn't even want a show. Polly has been left unmolested all day. It's quiet, too quiet. After last night, I know he's up to something. He's going to set me up again - with somebody else, presumably. "I'll set up a nice fuck for you, Molly." Another Adam. I've been waiting for him to tell me about it all day. It'll come.

Emailed Meliza again earlier.

Dear Meliza

I emailed a couple of days ago but it was returned bacause
your inbox is overquota. Must be a surfeit of spam or
something.

Hope you're okay. I've been thinking about you non-stop. I
can't get you out of my thoughts. Sunday was the most
beautiful day of my life. You showed me something new,
something wonderful, something unique. I'll treasure it all my
life. All my life. The memories will never dim.

I would so love to meet up with you again before you return
home. I can't bear the thought of never seeing you again,
never talking with you again, never having you hold me again.
Please get in touch and let me know how you're getting on.
I'd love to hear about your adventures. And you never did get
round to singing for me...:-)

My life is pretty dull. I just spend my days dreaming about the
most beautiful woman in the world. Come back to me.

love

Molly

God, I hope that didn't sound too desperate. Did I sound like a bunny boiler? I think I might have. I just want somebody to hold me, say nice things to me.

Had an email from Simon when I logged on. He's the nearest I have to someone who'll give me a hug at the moment.

From: simon89346@yahoo.co.uk [simon89346@yahoo.co.uk]
Reply-To: simon89346@yahoo.co.uk
To: mollyhadley@emailaccount.com
Subject: Thank u
Date: Mon 05/19/04 16:21 PM

Hi Molly

Hope u are oky. Been thinking about u a lot in the last weak or so.
I had a great time that nite. I know we will probebly never do it
again and I'm oky with that, but I just wanted you to know that u
gave me one of the best nite of my life.

Nobodie so interesting or beatiful as u has come into the sex shop
since. LOL. Everytime the door opens I look up hoepfully, but I
don't suppose I will ever be that lucky again.

Anyway, just to say thankyou again, and if you are ever over this
way again I'd love to have a chat with you again.

love (do u mind me saying that?)

Simon

Poignant eh? What irony. Here's me pining for Meliza, and Simon pining for me. Life gets too fucking complicated, doesn't it. Maybe I should just cut my losses and go and live with Simon and he can fuck me to his heart's content. Leave all this crap behind me. I thought about replying, but I don't think I will for the time being. Some dogs should be left to sleep.

Which is probably how Meliza thinks about me. Molly the dog... :-(

Phone. BRB

Later

Okay, str8guy takes this onto another stage. Another stage - fuck me this is a whole new world, a different planet. I've just had a phone call.

- Hello, is that Molly?

- Yes, who is this?

- Oh, you don't know me. My name is Darren. I'm a friend of Trevor's.

- Trevor?

- Yeah, Trevor. He works with you.

- He does?

- Friend of Adam's

- Oh. Yes. I know who you mean.

- He suggested I might give you a call.

- Did he?

- Yes.

- What about?

- Well, you tell me.

- I don't think I can, sorry.

- Well, he tells me... he tells me you can be... quite accommodating.

- Makes me sound like a bed and breakfast.

- In certain ways. [Long pause] Like you were with Adam.

- Friend of Adam's are you?

- No. But Trevor is. He mentioned it.

- And?

- He tells me you were very friendly to Trevor.

- He was a very nice man.

- And I wondered...

- Did you?

- I wondered if you might be friendly with me.

- Did you wonder that?

- Yes.

- You want me to fuck you, huh?

- Yes.

- Well you can go stick your dick in the vacuum cleaner, buddy. It's the nearest you'll get to satisfaction tonight, let me tell you.

What a complete bastard. He's pimping for me now! What can I say? What can you possibly say? I'm so fucking furious I can't think straight. I have to go away and calm down.

Later

Got summonsed by text to the chatroom. What a surprise, huh?

[str8guy] Evening Molly.

[molly] evening blackmailer

[str8guy] Stop that immediately.

[molly] as you may imagine,mr blackmailer, i'm not in the best of moods

[str8guy] Nor am I.

[molly] really? i've just had a stranger phoning me up asking for sex. thats why i'm pissed off. whats your story, morning glory?

[molly] whats shafted your arse?

[str8guy] A certain friend of mine was very poorly treated.

[molly] wouldn't go by the name of darreb, would he>

[molly] darren, even

[str8guy] Just so. The very person.

[str8guy] Glad you agree his treatment was poor.

[molly] not sure how you infer that one m8

[str8guy] I expected better from you, Molly. After last night's discussion. I thought we understood one another.

[molly] you'll never understand me m8. thats your problem

[str8guy] On the contrary, Molly. I understand you better than you understand yourself. That's YOUR problem.

[str8guy] Now, back to Darren.

[molly] the would be procurer, yes...

[str8guy] He will call back again shortly. He'll get a better response this time.

[molly] no he wont

[str8guy] Yes he will. Or those leaflets will go on display. In every phone box and pub toilet in town. On every billboard and spare wall. 500 copies, remember.

[str8guy] Think about it.

[str8guy] And as well as those, I'm going to do a special card for the train station. With the picture of your flashing exploits from Monday. That'll have the punters rolling in.

[str8guy] Paid for from the Clowes Manor account, obviously.

[str8guy] Think about it. Carefully.

[str8guy] One quick, discreet session tonight, with someone I know and I've vetted, or every slimeball in town phoning you up asking for sex.

[str8guy] Not to mention the police, I expect.

[str8guy] Reputation in tatters, Molly.

[str8guy] Sacked. Possibly jailed. Certainly community service.

[str8guy] Do we understand each other now?

[str8guy] I think we do.

[str8guy] I'll tell Darren to call you back.

[str8guy] Bye for now

[str8guy has quit]

How much does it take to drive a law-abiding person to murder? I'm coming too close to finding out.

I really am.