Okay, so how do I sum up today, and how do I feel about it? Not as happy now that it's done than I did as it was progressing. I'm not sure what that means or how to deal with it. Let's just say I'm wrestling with my emotions.

I felt fine when I went in to work this morning. Well, not fine exactly, but not as bad as last week. I didn't have that sense of utter dread in the pit of my stomach, anyway. But I still feel as though I'm being watched all the time.

Though there's good cause for that now.

Mid-morning I got a text.

Have you found it yet?

Found wot

Second drawer, right hand side.

A flash of anxiety ripped through me. What the hell? Not more tricks, not more photos, surely. I opened the drawer and there it was, still in its packaging.

A webcam.

Damned expensive one, too. None of your cheap rubbish, like mine. This had remote zoom and tracking and all sorts. Even promised to stay focused on your head, no matter how much you bobbed about. Not that my head was the most popular feature on my webcam 3; :-( I flushed deeply and snapped the drawer shut with an almighty bang.

"Okay?" asked Tess.

"Yeah, drawer slipped out of my hand. Shut more quickly than I expected."

"Cleaners must have greased the runners over the weekend."

"Yeah, right. Dusting the surfaces seems to be too big a challenge for them."

"Well, you know what McCabe says?"

"If you pay peanuts..."

"You get lazy bastards."

As we were talking another text had come through, but I ignored it and continued to talk to Tess. She's a good mate, but she seems to have antennae more powerful than GCHQ tracking systems when it comes to spotting that I'm hiding something.

"We going out Friday night?" I asked

"Too right. My fanny's starting to rust."

"Need some specialist lubrication, huh?"

"Molly, don't be gross!" Her phone rang and she leered at me as she bent to pick it up. "Chase McCabe, good morning."

I checked my text.

Have you plugged it in yet?

No & not going to

Why not

Cos im working

Not much you're not

Let me get on then

Put the cam on

No

Then our game is over

Pity, It was turning out such fun

I went out for a walk to think things through. This was just too risky. It was all very well playing in the privacy of my own home. Even if the worst happened and I got caught - those pictures on the internet got found, for example - I was still not doing anything wrong as such, just playing about at home. But this - this was a different league. This was sackable territory.

Not that I had to do anything on cam, of course. Just show my face. I know lots of people on chatmate are dialling in from work, so this would be no different from them

But would it stop there? str8guy is never content with what he has. He always needs something more

But I can just say no

And he'll say the game is over

And so what if he does?

Difficult things, decisions.

I had a cheese scone and watched the world through the window of Appetites. Sometimes, I get so restless. I'm 27, and I want to get on. I want to do things, be a success. I know I need to pick up more experience, but I can't be bothered with the process of doing it. I just want to be there. My own office, my own house. My own family? Well, that bit can wait, maybe... :-) But I don't want to be in this dreary town. It's a stepping stone, and sometimes it seems there are just too many damned stepping stones before I reach the island.

The goal.

The dream.

But anyway, none of that soul-searching was helping. I was shaken out of it by my phone beeping. I thought it was str8guy again, but it was Tess.

Where fuck r u?

In the lav

no ur not. I am

I never was good at lying. :-(

Having cheese scone. Want 1?

Yes

She looked at me very strangely when I got back. Fortunately, she's got a one-track mind and assumed I had some assignation with a young man. I didn't disabuse her. She may be astute, but her preconceptions make it easy to lead her away from awkward truths.

Like the buggering cam sat in my desk drawer.

Have you ever done something before you've actually decided to do it? Have you ever installed a webcam, all the time asking yourself "am I going to do this?" Have you ever gone through the plug and play wizard and registered under a false name while thinking "would it be a good idea or not?" Have you ever logged on to chatmate while deciding you weren't going to do it?

Needless to say I have.

[medusa has entered]

[str8guy] Well, well, thought you were working.

[medusa] i am. but nothing wrong with showing u a picture of someone who IS working. u might take some lessons from it. :-p

[str8guy] Cutting, Molly. I'm wounded. Did you get it installed okay?

[str8guy] Silly question, I suppose, since I can see you

[medusa] tess is looking quizzical. wants to know what I was groping under the desk for.

[str8guy] And your reply was?

[medusa] dropped my pen

[str8guy] Original

[medusa] so wot would u have said smartarse

[medusa] ...

[str8guy] I dropped my dildo. I was giving my sex-slave some water because his tongue had dried up from licking my pussy for the last two hours. I was adjusting my cunt cam so my secret admirer could watch me play with myself.

[medusa] thank heavens i asked

[medusa] :-(

[str8guy] Does it excite you, talking dirty like this at work?

[medusa] wasnt aware id said anything dirty. i only dropped my pencil. u did all the other stuff

[str8guy] what other stuff, exactly

[medusa] sex slaves dildos etc

[str8guy] So now you're talking dirty

[str8guy] Smile for me, Molly

[str8guy] You have such a lovely smile. You look so fresh and natural when you smile.

[medusa] as opposed to looking wizened and ugly at all other times, u mean?

[str8guy] LOL You know I don't. There, that's better - a gorgeous smile.

[str8guy] Is your cam alright? Properly hidden?

[medusa] you've seen my desk. u could hide a camel on here.

[str8guy] I had great fun last night, Molly. You were wonderful

[str8guy] Watching your beautiful, smooth, bare pussy

[str8guy] And the way you made love to yourself, settled back in your chair, legs spread, stroking yourself.

[str8guy] It was beautiful to watch

[str8guy] Did you enjoy it, Molly?

[str8guy] Showing yourself?

[medusa] it was okay

[medusa] *G*

[str8guy] LOL More than okay, I hope. How did you feel when you came?

[medusa] it was a good one. lasted a long time.

[str8guy] What's the best way to make you come?

[medusa] clit attention

[str8guy] ?

[medusa] i need to stroke round it. not touch it too much, but press against it, squeeze it out from its hood, tickle my nails either side of it.

[medusa] very occasionally pass my finger over it. round and round. middle finger can slide between my lips, rub them.

[medusa] that makes me come

[str8guy] Molly, I do believe you're face is flushed

[medusa] look m8, i need to do some work. got a bid to write.

[str8guy] Okay, but leave your cam on, please. Let me look at that perfect, fresh face at my leisure.

[str8guy] And see you later?

[medusa] spose so

[str8guy] Much more of you later, I hope...

[str8guy has quit]

Now, all afternoon I felt a little sordid after that. I've just read the transcripts - I saved them and mailed them to myself - and I can't really see why. It's not as if I said anything I haven't actually done for him. And yet, I felt grubby and disappointed for the rest of the day.

Still do, in fact.

He never mentioned it when I went online earlier. He was straight down to business. He had me tune to an internet radio station and made me do a striptease to the music. Golden Brown by the Stranglers. Frankly, not a tune I'd have thought of stripping to, but actually it worked quite well. There is a seductive lilt to the music. A trifle too fast, maybe.

Anyway, he seemed to appreciate it, especially when I bent over and wiggled my arse for him. I'm coming to know his predilections: a quick glimpse of ring and that fat cock is gushing like a geyser.

He's just texted me.

Night night my sweet xxx

Aw bless.

Corny, but nice.

Oh by the way - the str8guy knockout drive. George Innes has been eliminated from contention. 18 left...

Come on Silver, we're going to bed...