Oh!

Oh!

The unconscious mind. What a terrible thing it is. Uncontrolled, uncontrollable. I still don't know the answer to str8guy's offer, not sensibly. My sensible head says 'forget it, Molly, don't be so bloody stupid. Get out while you've still got some dignity. Get out before any of this becomes public. Use your head, don't mess with your career. Just be sensible, girl.' Which seems unarguable, doesn't it?

But what's sensible when it's at home?

Lying in bed last night - that wasn't sensible. My thoughts weren't anyway. The trouble with fantasies is they can lead anywhere. You start out with an old favourite - Liam in the shower, soaping me from head to foot and fucking me from behind, since you ask; there's something magical about a cock inside you with all that hot water and steam around - but as you lie there and let Silver do its work on your clit, your mind starts wandering and before you know it you're thinking...

Thinking about things you shouldn't be.

Thinking about things you shouldn't be doing.

Thinking about people you shouldn't.

Things like a challenge. People like str8guy. Like capturing him, playing him at his own game, discovering his identity before the end of May. But all the while having to accept his challenges. Do things for him. Possibly humiliating things, embarrassing things, dangerous things. Getting myself in trouble, putting myself at risk. For what? In my mind I started rationalising these challenges as forfeits - the price for another day without discovering his identity.

Which is dangerous. It makes me think about all of this in a different way.

And so there I was last night, doing just that, concocting a game, a challenge, and getting myself excited in the process. I fantasised about that girl, about stroking her bottom, squeezing it, sliding my hands over her pussy. I fantasised about taking pictures of her to send to str8guy, getting caught, explaining myself to her, apologising, begging her forgiveness.

As I say, fantasies can take a life of their own.

So then I was over her lap, in the art gallery, getting spanked. Naked, my skirt over my head and panties at my ankles, being spanked, with everyone watching, everyone seeing my punishment. I've never dreamed of anything like that before. Not ever, I swear.

Girl with a tear, indeed.

Then I was on a train again, looking around furtively, seeing if I was being observed. Sliding my tee shirt up over my breasts. Lifting my bra, exposing myself. Tweaking my nipples, making them erect. Taking a picture of my exposed breasts and sending it to him.

To who?

That's the point. That's the exciting bit. Or creepy. Creepy - exciting: which, either, both.

I came for five minutes, I swear it. I was faint afterwards.

So you tell me, what's sensible?

And what am I going to do?

15th April 2004, mid-afternoon

Got a text from him while I was out for lunch.

Seen anything exciting today?

I was just going to ignore it, but I was walking past the travel agents a couple of minutes later and saw a sign "Exciting offers!! Holidays in Malta for only £69pp"

I couldn't resist it. I took a pic of the sign and sent it to him 3; LOL

Thursday, 15th April 2004, evening

No intro necessary. You'll see what I mean 3;

[str8guy] Hello Molly, lovely to see you again.

[medusa] you mean you haven't today already?

[str8guy] Ah yes, of course I have. We talked today.

[medusa] for long? or was it just a quick hello?

[medusa] in the office? in the corridor/ in the staff room?

[str8guy] Ah, that would be telling, wouldn't it...

[medusa] did u like my exciting pic?

[str8guy] Not quite the exciting I had in mind, but thank you nonetheless. It made me smile.

[medusa] wos a bit worried youd think i meant i was taking you to malta...

[str8guy] You mean you aren't? I'm broken-hearted now.

[medusa] lol

[str8guy] I think our chat today was illuminating.

[medusa] that a clue?

[str8guy] No, merely an observation.

[medusa] illuminating for who

[str8guy] Well, not you, clearly. Since you're still in the dark about all this.

[str8guy] I'm presuming you are? Still in the dark?

[medusa] for now

[str8guy] For now?

[medusa] uh huh

[str8guy] Well, that's intriguing.

[str8guy] And encouraging.

[medusa] jpe dp

[str8guy] Pardon?

[medusa] sorry, fingers slipped to the right... lol

[medusa] how so? i meant to say

[str8guy] Ah, I see! Well, you're clearly still harbouring notions of unmasking me.

[medusa] oh i willl m8

[str8guy] Which is, as I say, encouraging. That means you haven't forsaken our little adventure, doesn't it?

[str8guy] Perhaps?

[medusa] perhaps...

[str8guy] Splendid! So have you thought about my proposition.

[medusa] thought about little else m8

[str8guy] And?

[medusa] i don't know.

[medusa] haven't decided

[str8guy] I didn't take you for indecisive, Molly

[medusa] i used to be terribly indecisive but now im not so sure...

[str8guy] I tell you what, while you're thinking about it do you think you might slip your tee shirt off?

[str8guy] ...

[str8guy] ...

[str8guy] Mmm, thank you.

[str8guy] What colour is that?

[medusa] taupe

[str8guy] Isn't that something a bald man puts on his head?

[medusa] ho ho ho

[medusa] and do you wear a taupe mr str8guy?

[str8guy] Certainly not.

[medusa] hmmm

[medusa] and is that because you don't need one, or you don't want one?

[str8guy] Fishing for clues, little Molly. Very ingenious. But I don't give things away that easily.

[medusa] don't worry, i'll find out eventually

[str8guy] We'll see. I like a challenge. And I think you do, too, Molly.

[str8guy] Don't you?

[medusa] hmmm

[str8guy] Does the taupe bra come off?

[str8guy] ...

[str8guy] Ah, I see it does.

[str8guy] Those nipples look quite erect, Molly. Perky, I think the word is. Can I see a side view?

[str8guy] Oh yes, that confirms it. Definitely erect. Definitely perky.

[str8guy] And quite, quite beautiful.

[str8guy] I am so happy to see them again. So, so happy Molly.

[str8guy] You know what this means, don't you?

[medusa] what?

[str8guy] I think you've answered the question, Molly. You do accept my challenge. You already have.

[str8guy] ...

[str8guy] That's a very pretty smile, Molly. And definitely mischievous. I love to see that.

[medusa] but

[medusa] on one condition...

[str8guy] Yes?

[medusa] this is a challenge. i'm being challenged. on two counts, in fact. First to identify you, and second to do god knows what...

[str8guy] That is correct.

[medusa] So where is your challenge?

[str8guy]?

[medusa] what do I get out of it, if i win. if i identify you before end of maay. what's my prize.

[str8guy] what would you like?

[medusa] i dont know yet. but i want you to accept the concfept. that i will have a reward of some descriptipn.

[str8guy] Yes, I think I can accept that.

[medusa] then the challenge is on.

[str8guy] Molly, you are a wonderful person. We're going to have such fun together.

[medusa] and im going to find out who u are m8. just wait.

[str8guy] We'll see. In the meantime, I'd like to see more of your beautiful body. Could you undress for me? Fully?

[str8guy] oh Molly. You are gorgeous, do you know that.

[str8guy] Do you feel okay? Doing this, I mean?

[medusa] look, the other night you tried to blackmail me into doing this. now you're coming across all concerned for my welfare like a bloody counsellor. just shut up and enjoy the show for fucks sake.

[str8guy] I will

[str8guy] I am

[str8guy] oh molly, I am, I really am

[str8guy] molly, could you put another light on, and put your cam closer. So I can see better

[str8guy] oh yes, thank you

[str8guy] God! Stunning.

[str8guy] oh that is beauutiful. Yes, stroke your lips Molly.

[str8guy] just like that

[str8guy] I can see your juices glinting Molly

[str8guy] Oh yes!!

[str8guy] I love when you show me your juices Molly

[str8guy] Lick them, lick your fingers

[str8guy] mmmm mmmm mmmm

[medusa] u like?

[str8guy] Molly, IO'm the happiest person in the world right now

[str8guy] I can almost smell your arousal, my dear

[str8guy] Can almost taste your juices

[str8guy] Picture my tongue sliding across those lips

[str8guy] and inside, inside you Molly

[str8guy] sucking your juice

[str8guy] licking your clit

[str8guy] oh god yes

[str8guy] Molly?

[medusa] ?

[str8guy] you know deril's favourite?

[str8guy] it's a favourite of mine too

[str8guy] if you wouldn't mind too much

[str8guy] oh god. yes, Molly I'm going to come soon

[str8guy] you're backside is gorgeous molly. Simply beautiful

[str8guy] could you part your cheeks

[str8guy] just a bit

[str8guy] and i'll come

[str8guy] aaahhh

[str8guy] aaaahjjj

[str8guy] Molly, sweet Molly, thank you so much

[medusa] u came?

[str8guy] I came

[medusa] show time's over buster. cya at work tomorrow. I'm gonna get you sucker. watch out, molly's comin to get ya...

Now, you tell me. Should I feel cheap? Or satisfied? Dirty? Or empowered? Fuck it, fuck all that psychobabble. I was wet, I was excited, my guts were churning. I came before he did.

So no, don't tell me how I should feel.

I feel fine.

Okay???!!