I can't stand this. I'm about demented. I feel like an exhibit in a freak show. I feel like my tits are on display now. Looking around, I keep watching everyone, seeing how they look at me. Is it him? Or him? Or him? Which one of these bastards forced me to play with myself last night? Who did it?

Little Jack came bounding up to me first thing this morning. Lecherous little twat, staring at my tits as usual. I thought I was going to puke when I wondered if it might be him. It could easily be. He's exactly the sort who would go onto a chatroom like that. He told me a filthy joke.

Three boy scouts, a lawyer, a priest and a pilot are on a plane about to crash. The pilot confesses: "there's only three parachutes. Give them to the boy scouts - they have their whole lives ahead of them." The lawyer bangs his fist and says, "Fuck the boy scouts!" The priest rubs his hands and says "do we have time?"

And Terry was loitering as well. He never usually speaks to me much, but this morning he sidled over with his coffee and started talking about horses. What was all that about? I know fuck all about horses and care even less. He knows that. So why did he do it?

McCabe himself walked past at one stage. "How's my bright young thing?" he yelled, and I immediately thought about str8guy. It's just the kind of patronising stuff he says. So could it be McCabe? But then I thought - don't be so stupid, McCabe's married to work, he doesn't have time to go on the internet. And he's so fat I doubt he's seen his dick in twenty years.

Even Tess. Bloody Tess. My best mate. As if! As if she would be able to do something like that without cracking up and giving the game away within five minutes. But she said something over coffee. "I never wear knickers on a date. In case I leave them behind somewhere. It's best never to leave any incriminating evidence, isn't it Moll?" I don't know, it was just the way she said it.

I'm fucking paranoid. Everywhere I turn I see some freak who's got me dancing at the end of his dick like some sex puppet. It's driving me nuts.

April 6th 2004, evening

This is getting out of control. Check this, what happened earlier:

[str8guy] My cam is on, Molly.

[medusa] good for u.

[str8guy] Yes, my cam is on. Not that you'll see my face, of course, or anything to identify me. I'm not stupid enough to let my face be seen on the internet. Not like some, mentioning no names.

[str8guy] Molly...

[str8guy] Tweak your nipples again. Look at the camera. Smile

[str8guy] Lick your lips

[str8guy] Form an "o" with your mouth. You know how I love that

[str8guy] Oh yes, that's wonderful. You're very sexy when your mouth is open, ready to accommodate a willing, hard cock. Has anyone ever told you that Molly?

[medusa] funnily enough no

[str8guy] Take it from me, it's true. My cam is on.

[medusa] u said

[str8guy] The password is molly. Same as yours. I thought it would be nice for us to share passwords, since we share everything else. Log on, Molly.

[str8guy] And turn to the side. I want to see your nipple.

[str8guy] You haven't logged on yet.

[str8guy] Molly, log on. I want you to see what you're doing to me.

[str8guy] Ah, there you are. Well done. That was easy, wasn't it?

[str8guy] Well, what do you think?

[str8guy] It's big, isn't it?

[str8guy] Molly, it's big isn't it?

[medusa] yes

[str8guy] and hard

[medusa] yes

[str8guy] what is it Molly?

[medusa] it's big an hard

[str8guy] what is?

[medusa] your cock

[str8guy] ?

[medusa] your cock is big and hard

[str8guy] round mouth molly.

[str8guy] yes, yes

[str8guy] now, move towards the screen. move towards my cock

[str8guy] my cock standing straight out towards you

[str8guy] take it in your mouth molly

[str8guy] move back and forward. Fuck me with your mouth molly

[str8guy] oh clever girl, clever girl

[str8guy] keep your mouth round

[str8guy] and back and forward

[str8guy] you're fucking me with your mouth, Molly. Isn't this exciting?

[str8guy] keep watching my cock. I'm going to wank now.

[str8guy] sliding it between your lips

[str8guy] past your teeth

[str8guy] into your mouth

[str8guy] deep into your mouth

[str8guy] Down yur throat molly

[str8guy] and you're fucking me, fucking my cock

[str8guy] with your mouth

[str8guy] nbeautiful mouth molly

[str8guy] oh molly, molly. I'm going to come.

[str8guy] for you Molly

[str8guy] coming

[str8guy] now

[str8guy] for you

[str8guy] oh molly, molly molly molly

[str8guy] good golly miss molly, you're good do you know that?

[medusa] don't spurt much, do you?

[str8guy] Oh Molly, you must learn to be more gracious. Why, if I was there I'd spank your bottie for that.

[medusa] too bad you're not then

[str8guy] not yet, little Molly wolly. Not yet. Night night darling. Thanks for the blowjob, it was great. I'll be sure to think about it when I'm speaking to you tomorrow.

[str8guy] Sweet dreams

[str8guy has quit]

See what I mean? It's just getting out of control. Not yet. What the fuck does that mean? It's one thing to give a blow job to a fucking computer screen, but if he thinks he's getting his hands on me in the flesh he can whistle 'Old Man River' out his arse.

And how am I going to face work tomorrow? Every face I see will be transplanted with that hideous close-up of a giant prick. And it was pretty damned huge, in fact. Kind of ugly, too. Fattest foreskin I've ever seen, looked like it was liquid. Imagine that damned thing anywhere near my mouth - yeuch, too repulsive to think about any more. I'm going to bed. And I'm wearing jimjams, big pink fluffy ones with sheep on them. Had enough bloody nudity for one night 3;