I wonder how many times I've started an entry for the day after the night before by saying 'I wish I hadn't done that'?

Good morning. I wish I hadn't done that last night.

I wish I could learn, but I never do. I get provoked - I respond. I've always been the same. When I was a kid, if my mum said not to do something I did it, whether I wanted to or not. If I got told off for something, I'd do it again, worse. If people gave me that 'more in sorrow than in anger, you've let us down' rubbish I would really give them something to wring their hands over. If I was accused of being loud I'd be silent, if I was called shy I would shout and roar. My father invented a word for me: contermascious. It fits me like a glove. You know exactly what it means, don't you?

So Molly, the contermascious brat, has dumped herself in it again. I've arranged a date with a man who has spent no more than ten minutes in my company, and yet who has a more intimate acquaintance with all of my orifices than anyone outside a (large) handful of lovers and a couple of doctors.

It's going to be an interesting date. I actually feel a bit sorry for him. After all what's he going to say when he meets me again? 'Hello, has your arse recovered from that pounding you gave it with the dildo the other night?'

I just need to be sensible about this. I've made the date now, so I have to go through with it. But I'm going to stay sober and calm, be polite, explain everything about str8guy, thank him for a lovely evening and come home. He deserves that, at least.

And now Tess is in a total strop. I've told her I'm not going out to Walkabout as we'd planned. She's been slamming the filing cabinet drawers ever since and marching about the office, making her heels clip as loudly as possible and huffing and puffing. She'd been looking forward to getting her itch scratched tonight, and I've blown her chances.

"So where are you going then? What's more important than me. Who's more important than me?"

I think str8guy would call her solipsistic for that. I just shrugged my shoulders. "Just a guy I met."

"Not the one that clamps your nipples?" I nodded. "Fuck's sake, Molly. What's got into you? What d'you want to get involved in that kind of crap for?"

As opposed to what, I wondered. Getting hammered at Walkabout and picking up a schoolboy?

"It's not like it sounds. It's not kinky or sleazy or anything. Bit of fun, that's all."

"So where will you be going then? Will I see you?"

"Nah, not going out here."

"Where then?"

"Sheffield."

"Sheffield?"

"It's not the other side of the universe, you know."

"But how you getting there? How you getting home?"

I rolled my eyes incredulously. "How long have you known me?"

"I'm not sure I do know you, any more. You're acting weird, Molly."

"What, cos I've blown you out for a fella? Like I've never done that before?"

"I'm not sure you have, no."

"Scott. Charlie."

"They weren't the same."

"How?"

"I knew them, I'd met them, they were part of a group."

"Ah, so it's because I've gone and done something on my own, is it? Well sorry, Tess, the world doesn't revolve around you."

She glowered at me viciously, picked up her bag and flounced out. It's going to be quiet in the office today 3;

Friday, 7th May, later

Ha ha ha!

Rod just encountered the wrath of Tess. He came mooching over, as he does every morning at this time (str8guy making sure he keeps in contact with me every day, or a geek trying to chat me up?) and cracked his usual half-arsed joke.

"What's green and smells like pork?" he asked, grinning inanely. Without waiting for his cue, he ploughed on with the punchline. "Kermit's finger."

Tess didn't even look up. "Rod, why don't you stick your head up your arse and kiss your brain goodbye?"

I'm sorry, I clapped. It's not clever, but it amused me. Rod limped away, mystified.

Out of curiosity, I logged into chatmate. If str8guy really was Rod, and he was online, I felt sure his bad temper over Tess's verbal assault would show itself.

[str8guy] Hmm, decided to show, at last...

[molly] morning. didn't know i'd been summonsed.

[str8guy] Do I need to ask?

[molly] it's customary, in polite society

[str8guy] Molly, stop being a smart arse.

[molly] woo hoo, a bit touchy today. we feeling a bit grumpy about something by any chance?

[str8guy] Not in the slightest. How could I be? I've already seen your fair face this morning and talked to you. That always sets me up nicely.

Wow! What a mistake, Mr Clever Clogs str8guy. He always waits until the end of the day before telling me whether he's spoken to me or not. Telling me in mid-morning was a big blunder. I calculated rapidly, and managed to knock out three more possibles from my list of suspects, with whom I'd had no contact this morning. I was down to five now.

Molly, I can feel the tide turning, girl...

[molly] well thats nice. charmed, i'm sure.

[str8guy] Will I have the pleasure of your company this evening?

[molly] sorry no. going out.

[str8guy] Better have your cam on now then. I can't go a day without my fix of polly.

[molly] lucky for u i set it up again then... hang on

[str8guy] And what are you getting up to then?

[molly] hang on

[str8guy] Child molesting again?

[molly] he's 18 as well you know

[molly] no, just going out

[str8guy] With Tess, I presume. The Thelma and Louise of Chase McCabe.

[molly] lol... no man is safe... especially from tess, especially today, she's in a right strop.

[str8guy] Oh yes? What about?

[str8guy] Hmm?

[molly] just getting cam set, sorry

[molly] dunno. just in a mood.

[str8guy] There you are. Now spread...

[str8guy] mmm, lovely, lovely polly

[str8guy] So where will you be going then

[molly] dunno yet

[str8guy] The usual?

[molly] dunno

[str8guy] You're usually better organised than this Molly.

[molly] not me m8. a take it as it comes girl

[str8guy] Touch yourself

[str8guy] Thank you

[str8guy] Why do I get the feeling you're not being totally truthful, Molly?

[molly] cynicism?

[str8guy] Perhaps

[str8guy] Or perhaps it's because Tess has been in the main office shouting for someone to go out with tonight because she's been stood up by you?

[molly] she has?

[str8guy] She has

[molly] told you she was in a strop

[str8guy] And?

[molly] i never said i was going out with tess tonite

[molly] u suggested it. i didnt confirm or deny it

[str8guy] So where are you going?

[molly] its actually none of your business

[str8guy] Play with yourself. You've stopped.

[str8guy] Is it Sheffield?

[molly] what if it was?

[str8guy] if it was I'd be very disappointed.

[molly] and waht are you all of a sudden? my chaperone?

[molly] my conscience?

[str8guy] You're worth better than him.

[molly] hmm, someone like you, u mean,a blackmailer?

[molly] how's my cunt? got a good enough view?

[str8guy] I'm getting very cross, Molly. You know that isn't a good thing.,

[molly] yes i know that

[str8guy] So I suggest you behave yourself

[str8guy] And keep frigging yourself. Part your lips, let me see

[str8guy] Now, I'm not giving you a challenge today.

[str8guy] I'm issuing an instruction.

[str8guy] You are not to fuck Sheffield.

[str8guy] Understand?

[str8guy] Understand?

[molly] Understand.

Contermascious? Moi?

O:-)