The 2003 Soc.Sexuality.Spanking
Summer Short Story Contest
* * * * * * * *
The Closing Ceremonies
at
The Assville Elementary School
December 22, 2003 at 8 pm
{Zpry whispers} Is this on?
<crackle crackle squeeeeeek>
<thump, thump>
Testing, testing one, two, three....
{Yell from the crowd} Thank you, Sir; May I have another.
<crowd giggles>
{Annoyed Top} Behave yourself or you get more than one – on your bare bottom – in front of everyone, young lady.
<scattered applause>
{Zpry} Greetings townfolk and visitors to soc.sexuality.spanking and welcome to this year's long awaited Summer/Short Story Contest Awards ceremony.
The fire marshal orders that we clear the aisles so everyone please find a seat. Brats who are unable to sit, are requested to stand in the special roped off brat area in front of the slightly open window with a cool draft. It will behoove you to note the presence of two enthusiastic paddle bearing monitors there.
<giggles>
Unfortunately, due to the delay in the contest results, we lost our reservations at the Assville Grand Banquet Hall this year, so this year's award ceremony is being held here, in the elementary school cafeteria, the only place available on short notice.
I'm sure, like me, you all fondly remember the wonderful food served here by Old Mrs. McCreary, may she be happy in her nursing home. I for one certainly miss her Wednesday special – spam on warm and toastie buns. Can any of us forget that big wooden spoon she threatened us with when she thought we were wasting food?
<loud groans>
Fortunately, tonight the refreshments have been provided by Muffy and her team of brat bakers none of whom have sat down since early this morning. Deb made some delicious cherry kool-aid and Da Janitor has set up plenty of straight backed chairs and kindly hooked up a microphone. He even managed to find Mrs. McCreary's favorite spoon which is securely chained to the radiator near the punishment chair against the wall.
I was pleased to have the opportunity to work as webmistress of the sss newsgroup website with Don A. Landhill, who directed this year's Short Story Contest (SSC). He started the paddle swinging, set down the contest rules, acquired a strong team of reviewers, oversaw the work of the archivist, Y. Lee Coyote, and webmistress, your most humble mistress of ceremonies this evening, cracked his whip a lot, and was always at the ready with rational advice when problems arose. During the final stages of the SSC we lost contact with Don. At first we hoped it was a well deserved vacation, and then worried it might be computer or access problem. As time wore on, it became apparent that something was seriously wrong. The archivist and readers were left floundering with the contest near completion. With some reviews and ratings lost in the secret caverns of Don's personal files, the choice was to either give up the fight or carry on without Don.
To his credit, Don left behind a very committed team of people. Y. Lee Coyote became the new leader, and with all the dogged determination of his cartoon network namesake, he ordered his ACME Short Story Contest Dictator kit and set to work rebuilding the awards phase of the contest.
{YLee, interjecting} Alas, I did not get the one with the whip.
{Zpry, cheesy grins and glances to her left} That certainly would have helped things along Y.
This year's Summer Short Story contest is dedicated to Mr. Don A. Landhill. May he return to Assville and cause us all to smile and laugh, as he did once before when abducted and held hostage by real life. The last message from Don was on the September equinox so it seems fitting that this award presentation is today, the December solstice, just three months later. As the days lengthens we hope that Don's light will soon return aiding the sun's to bring warmth to our hearts.
{YLee, interjecting} Just up in the northern hemisphere, Z. Summer is starting down under and things will be getting hot, I'm sure.
This year's contest does feature one spanking-new bit of razzle-dazzle, we are handing out TROPHIES! Yes indeed, the winners and runner-ups can actually download their trophy images, print them up, and display them on their refrigerators! Every entry is archived at the newsgroup website along with the reviewer commentaries, and any awards are displayed with the entries as well.
{YLee, interjecting} Anyone caught improperly displaying an award will be locked in the town stocks and taught the error of their mendacity according to the ancient custom of our great town.
{Zpry, looking puzzled} You better explain that word, YLee; after all this is an elementary school.
{YLee) Chicanery, dishonesty, lying, misrepresentation gives you the idea. I learnt that word from Tennessee William's Pulitzer prize-winning play, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. Now that play sure featured some brats that needed spankings – both adult and kid brats at that. <grins>
{Zpry, continuing} Oh. The job of director was a daunting one, with 270 entries in eleven categories, (268 getting reviews and two in the festival category). There were forty eight authors represented in the contest. I think a special round of applause is due to Y. Lee Coyote, who managed to keep all this straight and who kept our noses in the corner till the very end of this year's contest.
<lots of applause!!>
I will now hand the microphone over to Y. who is going to read through the list of winners.
{YLee} Thank you all. And thank you, Zpry. Before I start let me note what cute gingerbread naughty boy and girl cookies Muffy and her dedicated crew made. I especially like this one with the yellow hair, little blue teardrops below the eyes and with those cute big smears of red icing on the other side. I can not help thinking of Goldilocks when she visits Uncle Kent. Yum, Yummy. I wonder if they would help me get that pesky Roadrunner.
<licks chops>
As Zpry just told you, we had forty eight creative people who submitted 270 entries. Certainly not a record but most respectable. It was nice to see several people make submissions (pun intended) who had never entered an SSC before. It's no surprise that the RR did not have even one entry. His vocabulary is quite limited and he can not say a word without stuttering.
{From the brat section} Beep, Beep. Beep, Beep. Beep, Beep.
<CRACK!> <CRACK!> <YELP!> <CRACK!> <CRACK!> <YELP!>
(YLee} Some twenty two writers submitted two or fewer entries and another twenty some three to eleven entries to account for about half the total entries. The other half of the entries were provided by just six people. Of course, quality and quantity are very different attributes as in the old story about the mouse and lion mothers discussing litter size.
Because of the loss of almost all the ratings that were done by the readers when they did their reviews it was necessary to change the rating system. Originally Don planned that those initial ratings along with nominations would provide a short list for a vote. What I did instead was to have the readers – now metamorphosed to raters – provide ratings for entire categories on the one to five scale defined by Don. They worked hard and provided me with six to eight sets of ratings for each category. I tabulated them and used the combined ratings as the basis of the regular awards.
Please remember that these ratings are not the last word except for this purpose. The SSC is supposed to be a fun event and not cutthroat competition like the Olympics or the derby.
{Zpry, interjecting} ...or hockey or bowling!
{YLee} Yes, I think they understand Zpry even those misguided souls who do not care about hockey or bowling. None of this should affect your lives in a significant manner. Having been privy to the tabulation, let me emphasize just a point or two change by a rater would change the results. This shows up in the result with lots of ties. In each category there are first, second and third place and in the big categories honorable mentions for the runner ups.
And now, just like in the Oscars' fanfare, for all those envelopes. I got them here...somewhere....
<Fumbles in his ACME gym bag; a paddle, handcuffs and batch of condoms fall out.>
<Loud guffaws.>
Ah! Here it is.
<Returns with one envelope that obviously has been through snail mail.>
This was good enough for Abe at Gettysburg. You're expecting an Oscar type setup? We ain't got the budget for that. We're lucky to have a pen and a sheet of paper.
I'll go through the categories in the order Don set them up.
(A cry from the brat section.} Finally!
<CRRAAACCCCKKKKK!>
<OW!!>
{A Brat monitor, sharply} Be quiet, young man.
{YLee} Adult was by far the popular category with a whopping sixty two entries from thirty one authors. This plethora of entries resulted in a three way tie for first place. The five runner ups were neck and neck.
Kent Stoneking "Too Much of a Good Thing?" (#022)
BCCFafnir "Venus of Urbino – Revisited" (#045)
The fourth most popular category, child, had twenty seven entries. Although half the entries scored twenty or more out of a possible thirty the top three were clear. In fact one of the raters nominated it for best in show. But, alas, we never had a vote for that prize. There were five runner ups to get honorable mentions.
Crimson Kid "Flytrap" (#005)
Zprymantis "Play Piano" (#041)
Age play was small category of only thirteen entries from seven authors but was another close contest! The first place was a five way tie. This select group were but one point ahead of the next entry and that but another ahead of the next one. I'm glad that there were seven raters to average this all out.
Edge, a tricky category because we all have our own definitions of edge, had eighteen entries from nine authors. Dyke Grrl was just a bit ahead of Valerie but clearly ahead the third place tie. The pack followed closely but definitely trailing.
Period was a shockingly close call with sixteen entries from only seven authors. It was the first one that I tabulated and I really learnt how close this contest was. The top nine entries were all very close with 27-29 points out of a maximum of 35 from seven raters. The top three were all 27-29. Just a couple of one point changes by the raters would have meant a massive reordering. But that's how the judging goes and I'm glad that this is not a life affecting matter like the Olympics or Noble prize judging.
{From the brat section} It's a butt affecting matter.
<groans and giggles>
Mini-saga was the second most popular category with fifty one entries from twenty one authors. It was another close call – a three way tie for first and the honorable mention was close behind.
Parody is a strange sort of beast to my mind especially of poetry where one must match a very strict pattern. A lot of these were verse and another close contest.
Verse had just thirteen entries from eight authors. The first place entry just beat out the second entry by one point and that, in turn the tying thirds by one more point. Perhaps persistence helped for each of the leaders has multiple entries in this difficult category. Don shined here.
Z. let me rest my voice a bit with a nice drink of nice hot, red blood while you do a couple, please.
<YLee shoves the envelope into her hand, takes out his ACME thermos bottle from his ACME gym bag, fills his ACME cup and drinks. She looks at the list, grins with teeth and continues.>
{Zpry} Fan fiction only attracted but fifteen entries from nine authors. The runner ups were pretty close but Kent really shone with his.
Festival was the easiest to rate for none were required. YLee did one in this category to wrap up the contest and Valerie Meilong's entry was because she exceeded the regular entry limit and it was put there by Don.
The repost category was removed.
O.K. you can continue YLee.
{YLee} Thanks Z. First/last line, the third most popular choice, had thirty entries from sixteen authors. First place just beat out second. Second place lead the next five by a couple of lengths leaving another tie for third, and immediately on their hooves were the next five. Sorry, but that means no honorable mentions for that would honor forty per cent of the entries.
As I mentioned before, some twenty two writers submitted just one or two entries each for a total of twenty seven entries. I'm sure some were shy or hesitant but certainly not all since some were long time active citizens of Assville. Treating these as a category, this close contest has the following leaders. The next few were very close. Zpry gave me a nice name for this: "Readers' Award".
I've listed the ties in chronological order and that is the one and only meaning of the order.
Special Awards
I regret that the list of special awards is very short this year. Perhaps because the momentum of the contest was lost while we floundered without a leader.
But here are a few.
** Most entries: Valerie Meilong with forty one.
** Most different categories entered: Lori with eight.
** Most flooding: Joe Whatever, who surprised us with a flood of twenty four entries just as the contest was ending – stress testing the processing system..
Now before I return the mike back to Z, let me thank her for her work in arranging this unforgettable spectacular event and making all the images for the archive site. The Assville Town Crier promised us that they would put out a special edition tomorrow with a complete transcripts of these proceeding. And, brats, don't worry – they promised not to name names or print any pictures of apple red butts.
That's all, folks.
<lots of groans>
{Zpry} I want to thank all the authors who participated in this year's contest. Everyone was a winner here today for joining in and making SSS a community. I also want to list and thank the readers who took the time to read and review each entry, and fussed and worried over the award presentation well into the fall with me.
The reviewing readers were: Brad, C_bear, Haron, Huh Chuh, Warm Hand Jack, Jessie, Jon, Kent Stoneking, Kessily, Ladiejj, Lori, Mary (Gemladi), Pablo, Patricia, Pam, Redhawk, Rosa, RCG, Sassy, Sir Hal, Ted (Quixotoes), Trisha Allen, Wild Thing and Justacatfish.
Unfortunately, we now understand why Michele, aka Bookbabe, had to withdraw as a reader early since we have the unhappy report of her courageous battle with cancer.
These people worked long and unpaid hours reading and writing reviews which is not an easy task. In several cases the reviews were longer than the entry.
By the time we got done doing the ratings only about half the people remained – C_bear, Haron, Huh Chuh, Jack, Jessie, Kent, Kessily, Lori, Pablo, Patricia, Sir Hal and Trisha. Pab and Kent get special mention for rating all the entries.
I also want to thank Y. Lee Coyote who undertook the job of archivist, and expanded that to include all sorts of jobs he couldn't even have begun to imagine! He sure could have used that whip!
{YLee} I sure could have. <bfg>
{Zpry} Finally, I want to thank Don A. Landhill. It was my pleasure to get to know him a bit better this past summer by working with him, and this year's contest is dedicated to him. I hope he returns to us at some point in the future. I know he will be proud that the contest continued in his honor.
oOo
The Assville Town Crier was chastised in a letter to the editor about their coverage of this event. Here is the letter and the editor's response. (© Copyright by Assville Town Crier; reprinted with permission from the December 25, 2003 issue.)
The Assville Town Crier welcomes letters from our readers and we reserve the right to edit before publication.
Letters to the Editor:
Hmm...wonder why the Crier report stopped at that point? There was also, following the presentation:
Loud applause for the contest and the writers and the readers...standing ovation...yelling, whistles, and stamping of feet...loud cries of "Great ceremony!" "Yea, Ylee!" "Hey, Zpry!" "Well done, well done!" "Thanks, guys!" "Praise Don!" "Love ya" "OUCH!" "What a contest!" "Please, Sir, may I have another?", and many more that were lost in the general pandemonium. Zpry and YLee waved to stop the cheering, but the appreciative crowd just wouldn't settle down; even the monitors were neglecting their duties to join in the clapping and cheering. Finally Y and Z held hands, took a couple of modest bows, and made their exit. Wow!
Warm Hand Jack
The Crier apologies for this omission. We note that it was duly submitted by our reporter but, most unfortunately, that section of the article got lost in the composing room. Please be assured that we had a very long discussion with a certain printer's devil who will not be sitting down for the rest of the year. Thank you for bringing this to our attention. Editor.
oOo
Click to go to the index to the entries – the stories and poems – by sequence , by author and by category
This award presentation was produced and directed by Zprymantis, the SSC webmistress and Y. Lee Coyote, the SSC-2003 archivist.
© Copyright A.I.L. & Zprymantis, December 23, 2003
Last updated: February 18, 2005