This short story is an entry in the 2003 Soc.Sexuality.Spanking Summer Short Story Contest and is copyright by the author and commercial use is prohibited without permission. Personal/private copies are permitted only if complete including the copyright notice. The author would appreciate your comments
Category: Adult
The Beautiful People
By
LurkingCol <lurkingcol@hotmail.com>
Fate struck at 10:37 PM. Josie sang off-key, her head bouncing to the bass, her foot heavy on the accelerator. Her eyes were square, but she'd nailed that shoot. She might even make the cover. Imagine.
Josie skipped ahead on the 8 Mile soundtrack, distracted only a moment. Tires screeched. Steel mashed into rock. Her convertible flipped. The world spun.
Darkness.
She drifted, able to hear but not move. The voices were clinical, no major fractures, superficial bruising, and the clincher, localized brain damage. She slipped under.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Years of her life were white space, a void she clawed desperately at. Words stuttered out her mouth, unable to keep up with her thoughts, running over each other. Friends no longer invited her to the races, their schedules permanently full. Her fiancé had lasted six weeks before slipping away.
Men still looked at her. None were able to stomach her broken speech, even to take advantage for a night's profit. She could still recognize pity, so close to shame. She hadn't forgotten how to cry.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Meals on Wheels was a far cry from Tahiti, but Josie couldn't sit idle. Ironically this felt more fulfilling, even if the pay wasn't so great. At least she didn't have to worry about sand in her bikini.
He was smiling at her again. Josie pushed past her own prejudices, past his asymmetrical face, and smiled back. His name was Darren, always smiling and joking with the staff. If he "wasn't quite there" the only things Josie could tell were missing were greed, jealousy, and hate.
Josie noticed those big hands again. She could have sworn her bottom tingled. His blue eyes met hers. She blushed and resumed grating cheese. Nothing could take away her deepest unfulfilled desires.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Josie rested on his shoulder, so relaxed that if they weren't watching her favourite DVD, she might fall asleep. People stared at them when they went out, but when she looked at him, she just saw Darren. Her past lovers had worn flashy clothes, driven fast cars, been fast in most departments. She doubted they remembered her.
She clutched his hand. It was coming up to her favourite part. She held her breath for the entire scene.
The end of the movie and the dance began, Josie finding Darren's soft lips. They kissed long and passionately. Abruptly, the kisses stopped, and Darren lowered Josie to the couch. He was going to make love to her. She'd been ready for twenty minutes. Patience was this man's middle name.
She gasped as he turned her face down over his lap. His hand rubbed over her thin slacks.
"You like this?"
"H... How?"
"We watch Secretary every week. I ain't that clever, but I ain't stupid."
His big hand circled.
"You've been a very naughty girl Josie."
She looked back over her shoulder, nodding, answering many questions.
"My princess gets anything she wants, even a spanking."
Darren's hand smacked her bottom firmly.
The clock read 10:37 PM.
The End
© Copyright LurkingCol, 09 June 2003
See my spanking stories at: http://www.geocities.ws/lurkingcol/index.html
Reviews
Warm Hand Jack
On the whole an interesting and well-written story. Plot progress through the four chapters is quite smooth; although each is in a different time and place, the reader never has to wonder where s/he is. In several instances, a sparse phrase says volumes: «She hadn't forgotten how to cry.» -- «His big hand circled.» -- and the ominous paragraph, «Darkness.»
The tale is acceptably original. While references to Secretary are now commonplace, the way the DVD is used here is a little unusual; and only the critical climax, not the whole story, turns on its use. The plot necessarily owes some of its feel to Charley and other mixed-ability-relationship stories, but certainly does not feel derivative. The coincidence of fate striking (or smacking firmly) at the same time of day is a bit trite, but it works here and brackets the tale nicely. And -- although it's totally unoriginal to say that different people are/can be beautiful, I do like this title for this particular story.
Josie is believable and likeable. Her plight is easy to empathize with, once you make yourself believe that an intelligent, beautiful girl -- even with a terrible speech defect -- can't find a normal beau. (I'm not totally convinced that she has to -- or should -- settle for a Darren.)
The resolution of her «deepest unfulfilled desires» problem is pleasing and satisfactory.
Although ... Darren doesn't seem to be that way inclined, since he has to have a weekly hint until he catches on; so why was he the first -- was she afraid to hint to the old fiancee, or other boyfriends? Probably the film wasn't out yet, but.... Maybe it's just not done in racing circles ... but what are riding crops for? <G>
There are some problems that jolt the reader; they're distracting, but not fatal. How Josie would have got to Tahiti, if fate had not intervened, is not explained; one assumes that bit of trivia was in the excess hundred words the writer had to chop. How did her eyes get square? -- I thought that happened from over-use of either TV or a computer monitor; here it seems to be from either photo lights or general fatigue. «Years of her life were white space, a void....» -- amnesia, not otherwise indicated? -- or the time during which she was unwanted, and her previous life slid away from her (which I'd think of rather as a black time)?
More importantly: does Darren have to be a dolt («I ain't that clever....») as well as asymmetrical of face?; or is he intelligent enough (if a bit slow), and that's just his habit of self-deprecation? While I do like the relationship they're developing, I can't see it being a solid LTR if their mental abilities are vastly different, inspite of his heart of gold. But, maybe that's too romantic -- a lovely LTR may be much too much to hope for in a short story! Aside from the question of Darren's suitability for her, the closing scene -- the absolutely critical one -- is both powerful and delicate: quite an accomplishment.
Having niggled the entry to bits, I come back to my overall favorable assessment. It wants some editing (things like «Tahiti»), and I have some vocabulary, character, and even plot concerns (that may be as much my problems as the story's); but I've enjoyed it again each time I've re-read it.
Brad <b_radleym(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au>
I know this story is supposed to be edgy but after I read it, I went "awwwwwww ". It was sweet and innocent and pure. So I want to praise the writer for the contrast of the milieu and characters versus the feel of the story to work out beautifully.
I feel though that the spanking aspect of the story is just coincidental and it was more of a comment on society's world views.
Jessie
Very original and daring idea. I've never seen anything like it. In truth, I had a hard time with the beginning, the horror of it...but that was just me.
The passage of time within the 500 word limit was very well handled. A theme like this could easily have fallen into the overly sentimental trap, but this didn't; it maintained its dignity till the last. Well done!
Pablo <pablo(dot)stubbs(at)newsguy(dot)com>
This is a very pleasing love story and morality tale, told with impressive efficiency and narrative drive. Every word is used carefully and well. There's a genuine beginning, middle and end, which is really hard to do in a story so short.
Ironically, the only weakness I can see in the story is the slightly undermotivated overlaying of a spanking fantasy on a story that works really well without it. The spanking stuff isn't told with quite the same conviction as the rest of the narrative. We learn too late about Josie's interest in spanking; it almost seems to have been created by the accident -- which I'm pretty sure isn't what's intended. And its revelation -- via multiple viewings of Secretary -- is maybe a tiny bit too obvious. A greater subtlety here at the end would have served the story well.
Small gripes, though. A really solid narrative, told very skillfully.
Haron <haron(at)newsguy(dot)com>
Many people claim they care only about beauty within, and many of them lie -- unlike the characters of this story. It is sad, yes, but also optimistic and uplifting, and beautiful. Nicely done.