This short story is an entry in the 2003 Soc.Sexuality.Spanking Summer Short Story Contest and is copyright by the author and commercial use is prohibited without permission. Personal/private copies are permitted only if complete including the copyright notice. The author would appreciate your comments
Category: Mini-saga
Conversation
By
Kingspan <Kingspan1@yahoo.com>
"Well?"
"Sex."
"Good?"
"No."
"Why?"
"Caught."
"Mom?"
"Dad."
"Grounded?"
"Month."
"And?"
"Spanked."
"Belt?"
"Paddle."
"Hard?"
"Very."
"Bending?"
"Lap."
"Bare?"
"'Course."
"Cry?"
"Some."
"Hurt?"
"Duh."
"Twelve?"
"More."
"Eighteen?"
"More."
"Twenty-four?"
"Bingo."
"Oh my God, Jenny, I am so sorry! I should never have told you to go for it."
"Chatterbox."
The End
© Copyright Kingspan, 01 August 2003
Reviews
Patricia <patricia(at)cedar(dot)net>
Very Good. Especially the last line. I laughed out loud when I read that one! Good job of conveying all the emotions, especially in such a hard category to do so. It is hard to impress me in this category. But you did. Congratulations.
Warm Hand Jack
A priceless, funny little gem! An amazing amount of story is told in those few words, most of them monosyllabic! (My favorite part of the exchange is the understated, «"Hurt?" / "Duh."»)
The punch-line of more than one word conferring «"chatterbox"» status on the speaker isn't quite new (I believe it was two words that did it in the classic -- whatever that was), but it's too well done here to quibble. (We'll even let «twenty-four» count as a single word.) In this case, the epithet seems to say more than just "You talk too much"; maybe also "No big deal?"
I'm not sure with whom Jenny is having the conversation: I suppose it's a girl-friend who advised her to go out with a certain guy and wants to know how it went. In a way it doesn't matter, but enquiring minds.... In any case, it's an excellent mini, beautifully crafted and with a very cute ending. Nice job.
Don A. Landhill <dlandhill(at)aol(dot)com>
I loved this. The one-word dialog lines really stretched out the story, making fifty words seem to go farther. Somehow the question/answer pattern reminded me of an INI file, a set of property/value pairs. It was also good that none of the questions were answered with a simple "yes" or "no". The two that might have been a "yes" were answered "Duh" and "bingo". (Oops, there was one "NO" early, but only one.)
I do wander how these two developed this ultra-telegraphic pattern of question and answer, but as a device to tell a story in few words, it was wonderful.
Huh Chuh <huhchuh(at)yahoo(dot)com>
I wonder if the friend is living vicariously through Jenny's spanking. This one might be fun to have comic blocks assigned to the dialogue.