This short story is an entry in the 2003 Soc.Sexuality.Spanking Summer Short Story Contest and is copyright by the author and commercial use is prohibited without permission. Personal/private copies are permitted only if complete including the copyright notice. The author would appreciate your comments
Category: Parody
From: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Dungeon.
A Paddling Tonight -- A Spanking Parody
By
Don A. Landhill <DLandhill@aol.com>
Spoken
Kink-lovers, I bid you welcome. The Dungeon is a temple, and we are here to worship the gods of Spanking and Bondage. Tonight, I am pleased to announce a spanking. We shall employ every device we know in our desire to divert you.
Sung
Something domestic,
Something exotic,
Something for everyone --
A paddling tonight!
Something appealing,
Something appalling,
Something for everyone --
A paddling tonight!
Nothing with rings,
Nothing with frowns,
Bring on the lovers,
Liars bend down!
Old situations,
New complications,
We'll deal with bottoms impolite:
Bondage scene tomorrow,
A paddling tonight!
Bondage scene tomorrow, a paddling tonight!
Something reproving,
Something improving,
Something for everyone --
A paddling tonight!
Whining and bratting,
Frequent rear-splatting,
Something for everyone --
A paddling tonight!
Nothing with rings,
Nothing with frowns,
Bring on the lovers,
Liars bend down!
Old situations,
New complications,
We'll deal with bottoms impolite:
Bondage scene tomorrow,
A paddling tonight!
Something compelling,
Some one needs telling,
Something for everyone --
A paddling tonight!
Something esthetic,
Something balletic,
Something for everyone --
A paddling tonight!
Nothing with mobs,
Take turns at the plate.
Brats in a corner will just have to wait.
Speech that is formal,
Nothings that's normal,
But many "I will.."s to indite!
Open up the curtain --
A paddling tonight!
Anything you ask for --
A paddling tonight!
Something domestic,
Something exotic,
Something for everyone --
A paddling tonight!
Something that's gaudy,
Something that's bawdy,
Something for everyone --
A paddling tonight!
Nothing that's grim,
Nothing that's Greek!
We're going anal later this week.
Stunning surprises,
Cunning disguises,
Hundreds of toys just out of sight!
Schoolgirl skirts and stockings!
Punishments for mocking!
Tears upon their faces!
Keep them in their places!
Paddlers!
Straddlers!
Timidity!
Avidity!
Clever rhymes!
Corner times!!
Cheaters!
Liars!
Cursers!
Criers!
No bottoms left white,
Not long on the Horse,
And a happy ending, of course!
Goodness and badness,
Doms teased to madness,
This time it all turns out all right!
Bondage scene tomorrow!
Paddling!
Paddling?
A Paddling tonight!
Spoken, to a drum-beat
One -- two -- three!
Whack!
The End
See: www.acmewebpages.com/whoopi/lyrics/comedy.htm for the original lyrics from A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum.
© Copyright D. A. Landhill, 30 July 2003
Reviews
Ted <quixotoes(at)aol(dot)com>
The author has taken on a personal favorite, and a difficult one to parody. In a way it might be easy because of the catchy rhythms and opportunities for rhyming. But a classic like Comedy Tonight, to be effectively parodied, has to have just as clever a set of lyrics, and this entry met that challenge superbly. To paraphrase: "Comedy is easy; parodying is hard."
Warm Hand Jack
This is a brilliant, hilarious parody of a comedy scene that was already quite funny enough in the first place! It follows the original very well, and this is NOT an easy text to parallel. (Thanks for the link -- it helps a lot to have the real words there for comparison.) The integrity of the scene is maintained (in both cases telling the audience what to expect tonight.) The conversion from the contrast between tragedy and comedy to that between bondage (heavy) and paddling (light) is most effective. (It's a bit difficult to sing the syllables «bondage scene» at the same tight tempo as «tragedy», and one has to sing «paddling» as «paddle-ing» to match «comedy»; but I don't think any other words would have served the scene as well.)
In a couple of places, «a paddling tonight» should have read paddling tonight to match the original syllables. Similarly, «No bottoms left white, / Not long on the Horse,» adds syllables. Perhaps a little too much of the original is quoted without change; even when the existing words are suitable, one hopes for that extra leap of inventiveness. Some of the best parts, though, lead with the original and [then] veer off into the new theme: 'Old complications, / New situations, / [then] We'll deal with bottoms impolite ...'; or, «Nothing that's grim, / Nothing that's Greek! / [then] We're going anal later this week.» Wow!
I enjoyed this immensely. What creativity!
Jon <mrheadmstr(at)aol(dot)com>
I did have to look up the original lyrics (link kindly provided by the author) as I had no idea what was going on! Turns out the song lyrics are right on the money as far as the spirit of mirth of the original, as well as keeping to the meter and rhyme scheme. The best part is the new lyrics are pretty funny!
I could never have done this so well, nor I suspect, could most anyone else on this NG. A job well done.