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Celestial Reviews 292 - July 11, 1998 Note: A young teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?" "Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject has finally come up and she won't have to broach the subject herself. "But then when I have a baby, won't it knock my teeth out?" Second note: As you may have heard, I recently had serious problems with my computer. I think I am back up and running after my hard drive crash. For a long time I kept getting screen freezes at unpredictable times, even after I reinitialized the hard drive. Finally, a correspondent suggested that I turn off the Microsoft Ole Extension, which was conflicting with something else. And voila! I can now use my computer again! Of course, now I can't access my Microsoft Works database while I'm online.... In return for what the folks at Microsoft have done for me in the past two weeks, let me relate an interesting story. I was driving to Boston to meet with Janey about a project in which we both were interested, when I saw Dennis Rodman along the side of a road in a rural area. Dennis was enthusiastically fucking a sheep. I was surprised, but then Rodman had a reputation.... As I continued into a more suburban area, I was even more surprised to see Steve Jobs fucking another sheep, right there on someone's front lawn. Well, at least there were no children around.... Eventually, I made it to the center of downtown Boston, and there I saw Bill Gates, completely naked and masturbating in front of a crowd of people while mimes mocked him and jugglers entertained the crowd. When I finally met with Janey, I related these events to her. Her only reaction was, "I know Bill's grandmother. She says Bill has always had a hard time catching a sheep." Third note: I appreciate the enthusiasm of the guest reviewers who have contributed unsolicited reviews during my enforced absence. I am posting those reviews in this issue. In addition, I have a backlog of guest reviews that I'll post in CR 293 next Wednesday. If you sent me a review or a story that does not appear by that time, you might want to assume that I lost it during my computer troubles and send me another copy. Third note: An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman. "Is there something in particular I can show you?" he asked. "Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa." "You mean a sectional sofa," he suggested. "Sectional schmectional!" she bitterly retorted. "All I want is an occasional piece in the living room!" Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com. - Celeste |