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"Gomer Pyle - MIA" by CarterUSMC (sitcom parody) 7, 7, 7
"Gomer Pyle - MIA" by CarterUSMC (carterusmc@aol.com). It's been a long time since I have seen Gomer Pyle on TV. But Gomer has a special place in my heart, because he was the subject of the first really good dirty joke I ever heard - aside from the one about shining Daddy's flashlight up Mommy's tunnel, which I heard and laughed at when I was six but certainly didn't understand at the time. Gomer was the classic country bumpkin, filled with naive simplicity and rustic folk-wisdom, which he uttered with an exaggerated southern twang back before there were redneck jokes. He started out on the Andy Griffith show, but then he got his own show, in which he was in the army with Sergeant Carter (the author of this story!) as his immediate superior. I forget the name of Gomer's girlfriend. We'll assume it was Mary Lou. We can always change that with our word processors anyway. Anyway, here's the joke. Gomer and Mary Lou were driving home from a date at the ice cream parlor, when Gomer says, "Mary Lou, honey, do you mind if I pull over to the side of the road?" "No, Gomer, that would be very nice." They pull over and sit quietly for a while, and then Gomer says, "Mary Lou, honey, would you mind if I sat a little closer to you?" "No, Gomer, that would be very nice." Time passes, and then Gomer says, "Mary Lou, honey, would you mind if put my arm around you?" "No, Gomer, that would be very nice." More time passes, and then Gomer says, "Mary Lou, honey, would you mind if I took off some of your clothes?" "No, Gomer, that would be very nice." Even more time passes, and then Gomer says, "Mary Lou, honey, would you mind if I put my finger in your belly button? Mary Lou is a little surprised, but she answers, "No, Gomer; go ahead if you want to." A few minutes later, Mary Lou's eyes light up and she says, "Gomer, honey, that isn't my belly button!" And Gomer replies, "Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! That isn't my finger either!" Well.... Maybe it was funnier when that nun told it to us.... In the present story Pyle and Carter have been sent to Vietnam. Sergeant Carter assigns Gomer to all kinds of hazardous duties, hoping he'll be killed by the enemy. But the resilient and lovable Pyle survives all the hazards, until one night he turns up missing. The Lieutenant requires Carter to lead a search party for Gomer. And surprise, surprise, surprise - Gomer has been out making love rather than war with the surrounding citizens of Southeast Asia. This is a cute story, but it has little actual sex - except that Gomer does shout "Shazam!" when he fucks his Vietnamese "fianace." {Actually, a female fiancee would have a second e at the end.} This is one of those stories that proves that "war is heck." Ratings for "Gomer Pyle - MIA" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 7 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7 |