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Celestial Reviews 284 - May 30, 1998 Note: Several people have inquired about my recent absence. No problems.... My husband just made me an offer I couldn't refuse and took me away for a sudden vacation, which in turn required me to plan school activities before I left and to catch up when I got back. My husband's sudden romantic interests reminded me of the following story: A man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally managing to say, "Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?" "Oh, that's not a problem for us men anymore!" announces a proud physician. "They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that does the trick! You take some pills, and your problems are history." So the doctor gives the man a prescription and sends him on his merry way. A couple of months later, the doctor runs into his patient on the street. "Doctor, Doctor!" exclaims the man excitedly, "I've got to thank you! This drug is a miracle! It's wonderful! "Well, I'm glad to hear that," says the pleased physician. "What does your wife think about it?" "Wife?" asks the man, "I haven't been home yet." Second note: An Irish gent came into the pub and said to the barkeep, "Mike, I'll be havin' three whiskeys." Callahan set up three glasses and began to pour. "Now, Timothy, it's not the usual thing for you to ask for three whiskeys. Is it celebratin', you are?" Timothy sighed: "Ahh, ye know me too well, Michael, ye do. Truth, and I'm celebrating me first blow job." Callahan smiled benevolently and set a fourth glass on the bar. "Now, that's special," he said. "For an old customer like y'rself, here's a fourth on the house, so I may be sharin' your celebration with you." Timothy shook his head, and replied "Tis verra kind of ye, Michael; but I'm thinkin' if three won't get rid of the taste, four won't either. " Third note: A little old lady with blue hair entered the marital aids shop and asked in a quivering voice, "Yy-young man, dd-do y-you sell- dildos h-here?" The salesman, somewhat taken aback by the little old lady's appearance in his shop, answered "Uh, yes, ma'am. We do." The little old lady, holding her quivering hands about 10 inches apart asked, "D-do y-you ha-aave any ab-bb-bout th-this l-long?" "Well, yes ma'am, we do. We have several that size." Forming a 5" circle with her fingers, she then asked, "A-are an-nny of th-them about thi-is b-big ar-round-d?" "Well... Yes, a few of them are about that big." "D-do aa-ny of th-them ha-ave a vv-ii-bra-a-ator?" "Yes, Ma'am, one of them does." "W-Wel-ll, h-how d-do y-you t-turn it off?" Fourth note: A priest and a minister walked into a bar. After sitting down, ordering, and some chit chat the priest said, "Have you noticed there are no women in this bar?" He then realized the truth, "I think we're in a gay bar." A man approached and tried to flirt with the priest. The priest was dumbfounded, and didn't know what to do. The minister leaned over and whispered something in the man's ear. The man nodded and walked off. The relieved priest said, "Thanks. What did you tell him?" The minister replied, "I just told him we're on our honeymoon." Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com. - Celeste |