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"The Cruise" by Tonya (shipboard teen romance) 8.5, 6.5, 6
"The Cruise" by Tonya (tonya@dialnet.net). Guest review by jubjub. Story Summary: True story of two teenagers on a ship. The author of this story claims it is true. You wouldn't know it from the way this story is told. There is a singular lack of emotional impulse. Some of the descriptions seem good, but the lack of emotional build-up in these scenes kills much of the eroticism. The style is flat with some stilted cliches. There were also a few annoying punctuation errors and some spelling errors. The characterization in this story is vital to its success. With liberal hints about exhibitionism from the start, I expected to read something about how the narrator felt about being watched. Instead-- nothing: one short segment with a greater emphasis on the fact that she was only fifteen (he was seventeen) and a postcoital mention that they were being watched by a couple who were doing the same thing. Another problem was some of the expected plot disappeared. The cruise was to the Bahamas (note to author: it's NOT the Bahama Islands) with a mention of walking on the beach. But none of this materialized. For all the reader knew, they spent most of the cruise keeping their hands OFF of each other. This was said explicitly in the one short paragraph that described the majority of the cruise. I felt cheated. There is so much potential in the idea of exhibitionist sex on a cruise to the Bahamas. That said, the sex described is fairly good. The major problem I had was that the scenes seemed cut short. With the rest of the plot virtually nonexistent, this left me feeling blah. Nice story with vastly unrealized potential. Technical: 8.5 Very good but stylistically flat. A few annoying punctuation mistakes. Characterization and Plot: 6.5 Exhibitionism/Voyeurism not played up enough Appeal: 6 Sex scenes need more emotional buildup |