The 2001 Soc.Sexuality.Spanking
Summer Short Story Contest
* * * * * * * *
The Last Gasp of 2001
Would you believe the Short Story Contest for New Year's? Bet you thought it was never going to get finished! Well, yes, us too. But thanks to the faithful work of a number of people, most especially the wonderful panel of judges (who never gave up on me or it) And only five months after the contest's end!
With some remaining ado (though you've certainly waited long enough!), here are the prize winners in each category! (The winners were determined by review scores and a final voting on each shortlist by all judges.) Our thanks to everyone who entered in every category -- your stories were a joy to read.
And now, on with the show!
oOo
<The SSC 2001 Award Show opens with traditional award show fanfare. Pablo and Mija, dressed as you might imagine them, open with traditional bad spanking jokes with less humor than taste (and not much of that).>
Mija: <hands shaking, fumbles with cue cards> Adult was the biggest category...
<Papers fall from her hands with an audible rustle. Before she can bend to grab them, Pablo scoops them up and hands them back, landing a loud smack in the process.>
Mija: <low whisper> Thank you.
Pablo: No problem. Just picking up the pieces, as usual. Presenting the awards for Adult, those oldies but goodies, Tony Elka and Barrister!
<Tony and Barrister emerge from backstage, both looking slightly annoyed. They glare at each other in disappointment.>
Tony: Mija said I'd be presenting with a lovely switch, famous for their lingerie.
Barrister: She told me I'd be paired with a great looking, well known spanker.
Tony: <sigh> Well, at least if she had to pair me with another guy, it wasn't my old and dear friend Sleazy Jane.
Barrister: Yeah, well you know what they say, with friends like this....
<Both men shake their heads and tug on the envelope. Barrister wins the card by employing a frightening jurisprudential jujitsu maneuver, too scary for these pages.>
Barrister: And the winners in Adult are:
This is Our Moment Now by Bookbabe
My Essence by Zprymantis
The Snallygaster Too by BCCFafnir
Special mention:
The Virtuoso by Alex Birch
oOo
Pablo <urgent whisper>: Hang on. You mean these people wrote stories about, like, children being spanked? Are they sick or something?
Mija <whispers back>: Please, FAQ Boy, PC on SSS is 'YKIOK'. Besides, I have it on good authority that these are actually your favorites.
Pablo: Yeah, but everyone knows I hate PCs.
Mija: <groaning> Oh noooo! Not that! Okay, let me hurry and introduce our two decidedly non-PC presenters, the macs-imum curmudgeon, Grumpy Old Papa, and the OS-X rated Dr. Simpson.
<Mija covers her mouth, stunned, and lowers her head in shame.>
Pablo <making room for GOP & Dr. S.>: Those Christmas crackers have obviously been too much for you, sweetie. You'll be using irony next, and then you'll be practically British.
Mija <heading off stage for a cool flannel>: And to think I always used to misspell Britian!
<sounds of some urgent thigh-smacking>
Papa: <mumbling> I've always hated Apple stuff, ever since I bought one for my great-great-granddaughter's kids and they didn't like it --
Dr.S.: <interrupting> Yes, well, we need to get onto the Child category. The best of the child spanking stories. Mmmmm....
Papa: Child spanking stories. Always liked those, kids getting what they need, discipline and structure from the home. Old fashioned values.
Dr. S.: So that's why you like them? Not the thought of those soft young bottoms being helplessly reddened as tears flow down their cheeks?
Papa: <aghast> Of course not.
Dr. S.: Oh, right. That's just me. And the winners in child category are:
Special mention:
oOo
Mija <sniffling from off-stage>: Presenting the awards for Edge -- Steven and the lovely Zprymantis.
<Steven and Z emerge from the curtain. Steven bows quickly, then turns to watch Z make a shallow curtsey.>
Steven: I think you can do better than that.
Z: <whine> Daaaddy, but, but....
Steven: Butt plug? Are you trying to tell the audience about the large butt plug you're wearing under that lovely dress?
Z: Noo! Please don't tell them!
Steven: We'll talk more about your backside later. The winners in the Edge category are:
Special mention:
oOo
Pablo: <sound of disbelief> And now the awards for Firsts/Lasts. <covering the mike> No, sweetheart, I'm sure no one thinks this one was rigged.
Mija: That's 'coz it wasn't. Really. Really really. <looking down and pouting> I bet those other judges were just trying to get me in trouble.
Pablo: Or maybe they were just saying that you need to be tied.
Mija: <rolling eyes> Like whatEVER! Anyway, to announce these awards, we're really lucky to have my two very favorite F/F writers -- the lovely MollyB and Dyke Grrl (gee, with a nick like that, who would have guessed she'd write F/F?).
<Enter Ms. B and Grrl. The two look as pleased to see each other as Tony and Barrister were disappointed.>
Dyke Grrl: <looking over at Molly's black leather gloves with red trim> Nice gloves. <approvingly> I thought you were into the school scene.
MollyB: Thanks. Me too. Imagine my surprise when I noticed my desire for these <indicates gloves> floating around there.
Dyke Grrl: Floating around where?
MollyB: Right next to the one to quit my job to become a full-time demo model for Janet Hardy.
Dyke Grrl: Mija mentioned you weren't the innocent you seem....
MollyB: <blushing> Yeah, well, pay no attention to her. Anyway, the winners for the new Firsts/Lasts category are:
Special mention:
oOo
Mija: This last category was the most fun to do because everyone got to do what they wanted. When I first came up with it --
Pablo: <looking at his watch> Sweetheart, we're running over time. In fact, I can see Lenin's body starting to drip.
<crickets can be heard in the silence that greets Pab's obscure joke>
Mija <slightly miffed, putting piles of paper aside>: Okay. Well, in addition to the traditional prizes, the judges also granted the following awards for special and particularly bizarre merit:
Judges' Awards
Special award for Weirdest Sexual Behavior Consequences: Valerie Meilong's A Good Hair Day for: 'I had a guy come into my office with a syphilitic toe, would you believe. And about an hour later, some girl comes in suffering from athlete's cunt.'
Special award for Best Threat: Mija's Thoughts From the Corner for: 'I'm going to call you "Master" in front of our friends. In front of my parents. In front of your brother.'
Special award for Best Specific Image: Mule's Halftime for: 'The reverberation couldn't be any louder if the team were inside the oversized bass drum used by the university's marching band.'
Special award for Most Poignant Sentence: Haron's Ordinary Sacrifices for: 'I'll be a godmother to your firstborn.' (This story also won Most Bittersweet.)
Special award for Best Thievery: Starship's Who Was Spanked First
Special award for Most Recursive: Valerie Meilong's Beginning Lines
Special award for Most Hopeful: Zprymantis's My Essence
Special award for Best Sartorial Information: Barrister's Knowing
Special award for Best Story With Assville Theme: Valerie Meilong's Alex Birch Stories
Special award for Cleverest Historical: Starship's Entries in a Diary
Special award for Cuddliest: Dyke Grrl's Birthday Wishes
Special award for Funniest Title: Dave Russell's Sgt Preston and the Beanstalk
Special award for Most Summery story: Bird's Lotion
Special award for Best Pun: Kent Stoneking's Schoolgirl's Complaint
Special award for Fewest Different Words: Tami's Short and Smack
Special award for Meanness: Alex Birch's Spanked to Rights
Special award for Meanness 2 (because one just isn't enough!): Mija's Overdue
Special award for the Smartest Stupid Idea (also the shortest story of contest): Valerie Meilong's Jack and Jill
Special award for the Most Painful Use of Satire: Dr. Simpson's The Deeper Meaning
Special award for the Cutest, Most Romantic Song Parody: Louiza's One More Cup of Coffee
Special award for the Absolutely Most Side-Splittingly Funniest Spanking Story This Year: Valerie Meilong's He Was a Dark and Stormy Knight
Special award for Best Use of a Retail Setting for Spanko Adventures: Dyke Grrl's School Shopping
Special award for Most Suspenseful Lead-In To a Scene: Rose Blush's Brought to Heel
Special award for Totally Cutest Vocabulary: Louiza's Playin' with the Peeper
Special award for Most Obscure Use of Scientific Language: Pablo Stubbs's The World at Eleven Microns
oOo
Pablo: Well, that's it! Definitely the longest SSC contest in history, of which we're both extremely proud. Thanks to everyone for coming -- particularly Lenin -- and we hope to see you all again next year. Um, this year. Say goodnight, Mija.
Mija: Goodnight, Mija.
Pablo: D'oh!
<Curtain closes>
Voice of Janet Hardy: <sound of swishing -- and not just the curtain> Did someone say demo model?
oOo
Archive information:
Don Croyle has kindly once again offered to archive the SSC. The archive is located at his site: <http://www.gelemna.org/nbt/> . The SSC 2001 final update will be made sometime soon. Our thanks to Don!
Archivist's note: Obviously this is not Don's site which is defunt but the official SSC site.
Should anyone wish to do so, reposting SSC 2001 stories would be a good way to celebrate both the close of the contest and end of 2001 (and start of 2002!).
Last but not least, huge thanks go to this year's panel of readers and judges:
| Alex Birch Domino Haron John Benson Julie Moon Kent Stoneking LAR Ladiejj |
Louiza Mary Catherine Michele Mija MollyB Musicman Naomi Darvell Needy Wench |
Pablo Stubbs PamiMac RCG Sarah Nada Simon Sswitcher Tami Wailer |
This year you all went above and beyond. Thank you again for never giving up and remaining (mostly) cheerful in the face of adversity.
Peace,
Mija & Pablo (& Burns & Allen)
"The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost."
Return to the directory of stories
Pablo and Mija's Treehouse is at http://www.thetreehouse.net
Archivist's note: Y. Lee Coyote re-did the original text version to this HTML version in September, 2003. The entry Lotion is now correctly credited to Bird.
Last updated: March 19, 2013