Celestial Review

Return To The Index (This does NOT open a new window)

Note, to make reading multi-part stories easier, story links (links with dejanews.com or www.qz.to, NOT the review or profile links) will open up a new browser window. When you are done reading the story, or section of the story simply CLOSE the story window.

Celestial Reviews 294 - July 18, 1998

Note: Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried to
concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends and relatives.
His father tried every way possible to get Johnny to occupy himself -
television, ice cream, homework, video games - but the youngster insisted on
running back and forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held.

The other players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit the game. At
this point, the boy's uncle stood up, took Johnny by the hand, and led him out
of the room. The uncle soon returned to the poker table without Johnny; and
without comment the game resumed.

For the rest of the afternoon, little Johnny was nowhere to be seen, and the
card players continued without any further interruptions.

After the poker game ended, the father asked Johnny's uncle, "What in the
world did you say to Johnny? I haven't heard a peep from him all day!"

"Not much," the boy's uncle replied. "I just showed him how to masturbate."

Second note: It's been a long time since the last Celestial Story Contest.
I've received several suggestions, but I like this one best. So here is the
announcement for the Fourth Celestial Story Contest:

<> <> <> <>

About 50 years ago Ray Bradbury wrote a story called "The Veldt." In that
story a family has a nursery for their children that includes what we would
now call a virtual reality playroom. When the children go into the playroom,
they get the authentic feeling of being in an actual veldt - a jungle area
populated by mysterious and dangerous animals. Complications arise when the
playroom takes on a life of its own - when the virtual reality becomes more
real than virtual. You can imagine what happens when Mom and Dad decide to
close down the playroom - or you can read the story (which is in Bradbury's
book entitled "The Illustrated Man) to see how Bradbury handles the ending.

Your job is to write a story based on the general premise of a virtual reality
playroom. Feel free to change almost everything. You can have adults rather
than children, and you don't need non-human animals at all. In fact, it might
be best not to even look at Bradbury's story at all - let your own imagination
have full play. Bradbury's story is actually a Frankenstein story with a
moral - what happens when we fail to understand technology and its
limitations? Your story doesn't have to be like that at all. You don't even
need to know that Bradbury himself once said that "man's machines are indeed
symbols of his most secret cravings and desires, extra hands put out to touch
and interpret the world."

Post your stories as you feel they are ready. Send me a copy. Deadline is
August 24.

<> <> <> <>

Third note: A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an
overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their sex
lives.

"Last night, I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman bragged, "and
this morning she made me delicious crepes, and she told me how much she adored
me."

"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian
responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she
could never love another man."

When the American remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "And how many
times did you make love to your wife last night?"

"Once," he replied.

"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this
morning?"

"Don't stop."