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"Night of Error" by DLLL511 (teenage sex). Mink: 3, 2, 1
"Night of Error" by DLLL511 (dlll511@aol.com). Guest review by the reclusive "Mike Ink". Marcy and Sally like hang together because nobody else hangs with them and Amber who is like really popular invites Marcy to a party one night. Marcy goes 'cause she wants to go with Mike and gets drunk and goes down on a bunch of guys and like ruins her reputation. She's real sorry later and wonders what she is going to do now that everybody's gonna call her the "School Slut." But Craig is a nice guy and really thinks she's nice and wants to go with her now that he's got her cherry. That's it. Really. The author took a few more words to say this, and there is more detail, but the whole thing reads like a teenage girl's thoughts as she fantasizes one afternoon. The characters are plastic and stereotyped, the action is unlikely, and there is no point. If the author was attempting to tell this story "in dialect" as it were, I may be doing him or her a grave disservice, but this appears to be an unpolished story marred by lack of plot, punctuation, or proofing. If I missed the point, I'll apologize right now, otherwise please try again. There were hints of sensitivity here and there, but they were brutally repressed. This is frustrating to a reviewer and the readers. Here's a sample: "Marcy, you got a fine butt, why don't you dress so I can see it." Marcy smiled, and moaned in satisfaction. Her pussy was soaking wet and she began to drip from her pubes. She began to lower her twat onto Craig's pole and sunk herself down breaking her own cherry... Ratings for "Night of Error" Athena (technical quality): 3 (like you know this could really use some commas and periods and maybe the lines shouldnt break in weird places and apostrophes are nice too) Venus (plot & character): 2 (this is kinda like listening to a stream of consciousness from some young chick as she fantasizes about some guys really gnarly cock...) Mink (appeal to reviewer): 1 (Just hit the "Next" button) |