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Celestial Reviews 286 - June 6, 1998 Note: One day Little Johnny went to his father and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny's father said, "We have a $100,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas." Christmas came around and Johnny asked again. The father said, "Well, the mortgage is still extremely high. Sorry about that. Ask me again some other time." About two days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all of his worldly possessions in a suitcase. The father asked why he was leaving. Little Johnny said, "Yesterday I was walking past your room and I heard you say that you were pulling out, and Mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too -- and DAMN if I'm going to get stuck with a $100,000 mortgage!" Second note: Here's a Sexual Tension Quiz: Instructions: For each answer, you will have three clues. Try to determine what the object or thing is that is being described. For every correct answer you give, give yourself 2 points, for every incorrect answer deduct 2 points. If you score less than 14 points, you are in need of more sex. If you score between 14 points and 21 points, you are in need of more love. If you score over 21 points, you are classed as having a great sex experience. Now please begin. "CLUES" 1. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. 2. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes lick my nuts. 3. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. 4. Over 1,000 people went down on me. I wasn't maiden for long. A big hard thing ripped me open. 5. You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. 6. When I go in I cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. 7. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. 8. All day long, it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. 9. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard. 10. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. 11. I offer Protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. 12. I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. 13. My business is briefs. I am a cunning linguist. I plead and plead for it. - - - - - - - - - - - - Answers: 1. nose 2. peanut butter 3. crane 4. Titanic 5. tent 6. dentist 7. wedding ring 8. elevator 9. chewing gum 10. newspaper boy 11. glove 12. arrow 13. attorney Third note: I wish to express my gratitude to b_tira@hotmail.com for helping find the links for the stories in this and the previous issue of CR. He/she is filling in for Sandman, who is taking his new bride on a cruise to Malinov's island or some such place. Which reminds me - I wish to express my gratitude to Sandman for helping find the links for so many other issues of CR. I think the links have been useful and effective. Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com. - Celeste |