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"Erotic Foolishness" by Renae Nicks (romance) 9.5, 10, 10
* "Erotic Foolishness" by Renae Nicks (RenaeNicks@aol.com). The woman has broken up with her boyfriend after a long relationship and has befriended a guy whose girlfriend lives far away. Things start out platonic and cool, but they warm up quickly. What I liked best about this story was that the sex was both hot and realistic. For example, on one crucial occasion the female narrator is having her period when the guy stops by and urgently wants to express his affection for her. They find a way to do it that is both romantic and likely to happen in real life. The story has an air of wistful nostalgia that adds to its impact. The story has a few grammar and style glitches. For example: "His dick was a little longer and thinner than the one I was used to, which was actually a bit easier for me to deal with." Whose penis did the cocksucker savor? Actually, the grammatical connection is to the dick she was used to (Mark's), but I THINK she meant to express approbation for the longer and thinner one (Brian's) which was being engulfed by her eager mouth. It's imperfect style to use "which" to refer to an entire clause or to an implied idea; and this usage is an especially bad idea when there is a nearby noun to which the "which" might be applied. "I felt badly about how things ended the other night." One of the problems my husband faces in sleeping with an English teacher is the copulative verb. Over the years he has learned that if I say I feel GOOD because he feels WELL, this means that he is fondling me adeptly. If I feels good because he feels GOOD, this means that he is in a state of euphoria that is having a secondary benefit applicable to me. It all works out quite well in practice, but the point is the speaker probably felt BAD (not badly) about how things ended up that other night. And when you think about it, things weren't all that bad, because things went well when they made up, which was good, which is an apparent violation of the "which" rule in the previous paragraph. Here's some friendly advice to potential authors: even if you have a good story, consider the possibility of having somebody other than yourself look at it before you go to press. If you need help finding a reader, let me know, and I'll match you up with somebody from my free proofreading service. Ratings for "Erotic Foolishness" Athena (technical quality): 9.5 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 |