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Celestial Reviews 278 - April 25, 1998 Note: From the Don't Ask How I Found Out Department: Actual amount of semen per ejaculation: 1-2 teaspoons Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200 Average # of times he will ejaculate from masturbation: 2,000 Average total amount of lifetime ejaculate: 14 gallons Average amount of water it takes to fill a bathtub: 35 gallons Average speed of ejaculation: 28 miles per hour Average speed of a city bus: 25 miles per hour Average # of calories in a teaspoon of semen: 7 Average # of calories in a can of Dr. Pepper: 150 Average length of penis when not erect: 3.5 inches Average length when erect: 5.1 Smallest natural penis recorded: 5/8 of an inch Largest natural penis recorded: 11 inches Largest penis in the animal kingdom: 11 feet (blue whale) Height from court floor to the rim of a basketball hoop: 10 feet Most arousing time of day/season for a man: early morning/fall Best ways to improve sexual function: quit smoking, start exercising, lose weight. Foods that improve sex life: oysters, lean meat, seafood, whole grains, wheat germ, chicken fingers from Erie dining hall Percent of men who say they masturbate: 60% Percent of men who say they masturbate at least once a day: 54% Percent of men who say they feel guilty masturbating that often: 41% Amount of time needed for a man to regain erection: from 2 min. to 2 weeks Average # of erections per day for a man: 11 Average # of erections during the night: 9 Distance sperm travels to fertilize an egg: 3-4 inches The human equivalent: 26 miles (a marathon distance) Time it takes the sperm: 2.5 seconds Time it takes an average person to complete a marathon: 4 hours Sperm life: 2 1/2 months (from development to ejaculation) Shelf life of a hostess twinkie: 7 years Cost of a year's supply of condoms: $100 Thickness of the average condom: .07 mm Thickness of super-thin condoms: .05 mm Thickness of plastic wrap: .0127 mm In general, the taste of a man's semen varies with his diet. Some say that the alkaline-based foods (fish and some meats) produce a buttery or fishy taste. Dairy products can create a foul taste; the taste of semen after eating asparagus is said to be the foulest. ACIDIC FRUITS AND ALCOHOL (EXCEPT PROCESSED LIQUORS) GIVE IT A PLEASANT AND SUGARY TASTE. Examples: oranges, mangos, kiwi, lemons, grapefruit, limes, Labatt Blue, Honey Brown, etc. ( drinking a Corona with lime is double the fun). Odors that increase blood flow to the penis: lavender, licorice, chocolate, doughnuts, pumpkin pie (Happy Thanksgiving!) Yes, the penis does shrink in the shower. It is common for men to wake up with 'morning wood', a name for an a.m. erection Blue balls, or the term a man uses when he says his balls will explode if he doesn't have sex, is totally false. Guys, it's not you, a female is wet all of the time. Second note: Doris & Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise some extra cash by advertising for a lodger in their 2 up 2 down terrace house. After a few days a young attractive woman applies for the room and explains that she is a model working in a nearby Manchester studio for a few weeks and that she would like the room for Mondays to Thursdays but would pay for the whole week. Doris shows her the house and they agree to start right away. "There's just one problem" explains the model " because of my job I have to have a bath every night, and I notice you don't have a bath?" "That's not a problem," replies Doris. "We have a tin bath out in the yard and we bring it in to the living room, in front of the fire, and fill it with hot water." "What about your husband?" asks the model. "Oh, he plays darts most weekdays - so he will be out in the evenings." replies Doris. "Good" says the model. "That being settled, I'll go to the studio and see you tonight." That evening Fred dutifully goes to his darts match whilst Doris prepares the bath for the model. After stripping, the model steps into the bath and Doris is amazed to see that she has no pubic hair. The model notices Doris's staring eyes, smiles, and explains that it is part of her job to shave herself, especially when modeling swimwear or underclothes. Later when Fred returns Doris relates this oddity and he does not believe her. "It's true, I tell you!" says Doris. "Look, if you don't believe me, tomorrow night I'll leave the curtains slightly open and you can peek in and see for yourself." The next night Fred leaves as usual and Doris prepares the bath for the model. As the model steps naked into the bath - Doris, standing behind her, looks towards the curtains, and points towards the model. Then she lifts up her skirt and wearing no panties, points to her own pubic hair. Later Fred returns and they retire to bed. "Well, do you believe me now?" she asks Fred. "Yes," he replies. "I've never seen anything like it in my life. But why did you lift up your skirt and show yours?" "Just to show you the difference," answers Doris. "Anyway, you've seen mine millions of times!" "Yes," says Fred, "I have.... but the rest of the dart team hadn't!" Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com. - Celeste |