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* "Bird Watching" by Eoghan Irving (outdoor sex) 8, 7, 8
* "Bird Watching" by Eoghann Irving (eoghann@thenet.co.uk). Guest review by Anne747. An interesting story, with a play on words. Hey, I'm just bright enough to catch that 'bird' is a slang term in the UK for a woman. The premise of the piece is good. The 'hero' of the story goes out to do some bird watching and discovers a woman who loves getting back to nature. He is interrupted by another woman, and that's when the sex begins. Now, lots of possibilities. It just doesn't come across as well as it could. The first comment is a cultural thing. Sorry, but the word wank just cracks me up. Hey, that's just me though. What I really have problems with is the lack of connection between the characters. There is a friendship of sorts between the man and the second woman, but we don't find out what it is. I also use the term man and woman loosely. It reads like a teen piece, but I could be way off. There needs to be a little more background with the couple who are having the sex. Are they two teenagers exploring first sex? Some of the language seems to support this. If so, lets be honest about ages and label it as such. Are they two old friends who have lusted for years, or are they simply vacationers who met yesterday? It just needs a little more description here. The story could stand a little work on the sentence structure at times. Some of the sections are a little fragmented, with the flow being lost. A quick example of this is - [Jenny turned to look at him. There was a slight look of hurt in her face now. Mixed with confusion.. Suddenly she shoved him. Pushing hard on his shoulder.] All in all, it's not a bad read. It just didn't live up to the promise of its start. It didn't draw me into the scene. With some changes it could likely be a much better piece. Ratings for "Bird Watching" Athena (technical quality): 8 Venus (plot & character): 7 Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 8 |