|
Return To The Index (This does NOT open a new window) Note, to make reading multi-part stories easier, story links (links with dejanews.com or www.qz.to, NOT the review or profile links) will open up a new browser window. When you are done reading the story, or section of the story simply CLOSE the story window. |
|
Celestial Reviews 309 -- October 10, 1998 Help! I don't know where my posts are going, and I cannot contact my Link finder. I suspect someone has changed an address or gone on hiatus, but I need to hear from Eli or Bitbard. If either of you see this message, please contact me. Note: Maurie was not having a good day on the golf course. After he missed a twelve-inch putt, his partner asked him what the problem was. "It's the wife" said Maurie. "As you know, she's taken up golf; and since she's been playing, she's cut my sex down to once a week." "Well you should think yourself lucky," replied his partner. "She's cut some of us out altogether!" Second note: The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the kids to give their reports, the teacher called on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. The teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report that was so exciting, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a period." "Damned if I know," said Johnnie; "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself." Third Note: A Girl Scout troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young couple was engaged in oral sex. "Back ladies, back!" cried the leader. "There's a very dangerous beast out there!" But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was the couple were doing. "Well, err.... if you must know, uh, they were practicing a brand new form of artificial respiration... yeah, that's it! It's artificial respiration!" "WOW!" exclaimed the oldest of the group. "I know which merit badge I'm gonna try for next!" Fourth note: I get some of this stuff from a Faithful Field Correspondent, who shall remain anonymous, so that I can get credit for what he sends me. Anyway, many universities, government offices, and businesses tend to strip the last name down to 6 characters and add the first and last initial to either the beginning or end to make up an e-mail address; e..g., Mary L. Ferguson = mlfergus or fergusml. They are just now beginning to realize the problems this practice may cause when you have a large and diverse pool of people to support with e-mail. Add to that a large database of company/college acronyms and you have some very funny addresses (although they are undoubtedly not funny to the individual involved). Some examples of actual e-mail addresses seen on the Net: Helen Thomas Eatons (Duke University) eatonsht@dku.edu Martha Elizabeth Cummins (Fresno University) cumminme@fu.edu George David Blowmer (Drop Front Drawers & Cabinets Inc.) blowmegd@dropdrawers.com Mary Ellen Dickinson (Indiana University of Pennsylvania) dickinme@iup.edu Francis Kevin Kissinger (Las Verdes University) kissinfk@lvu.edu Barbara Joan Beeranger (Myplace Home Decorating) beeranbj@myplace.com Amanda Sue Pickering (Purdue University) aspicker@pu.edu Ida Beatrice Ballinger (Ball State University) ibballin@bsu.edu Bradley Thomas Kissering (Brady Electrical, Northern Division, Overton Canada) btkisser@bendover.com Isabelle Haydon Adcock (Toys "R" Us) ihadcock@tru.com Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com. - Celeste |