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"Fresh Produce" by Bernadette (sex and food). MichaelD: 9, 7, 7
"Fresh Produce" by Bernadette (bybernadette@my-dejanews.com). Guest review by MichaelD. Nora and Henley meet at the grocery store after she slips and falls in a puddle of split milk. After much witty banter, they have sex in the stock room. This story was an unexpected treat. At first, I thought it would be another cliché-ridden stroke piece, but I quickly realized it was a fruit of a different stripe. The author dishes up pun after pun, one-liner after one- liner, milking the erotic undertones of the supermarket for every drop of comic effect. Some of the jokes work; some don't; but for the most part, it's a very tasty piece. One of the better exchanges: "Fruit." Henley stopped. "Canned fruit." "Yes, canned fruit is good," Nora added, "I like peaches. Pineapples, I can deal with pineapples too. I like the ones shaped like little rings." "Peaches and cream," Henley chimed in, "that would be heavenly . . . used to stick my tongue through the hole." "I beg your pardon?" Nora's eyes were wider than ever. "The pineapple rings, you never did that as a kid?" Ironically, what doesn't work so well in this story is the sex. The switch to clinical descriptions of pussy-eating and cock-sucking changes the flavor of the story, although the author does manage to mix in a few more delicious puns. I just think it would have been better had she stuck with the food metaphors throughout the entire encounter rather than serving up "clits" and "penises" once Henley and Nora peeled off their clothes. There is an unexpected twist at the end, but I thought it seemed an unnecessary spice that added little to this literary stew. If all the food puns in this review didn't turn you off, you should enjoy this story. All in all, an above-average effort. Ratings for "Fresh Produce:" Athena (technical quality): 9 (a few typos the author should have caught, but excellent use of puns) Venus (plot & character): 7 MichaelD (appeal to reviewer): 7 |