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Celestial Reviews 279 - April 29, 1998 Note: Let's have a contest. I was trying to think of a clever way to say to one of the reviewers that she has responded really quickly. I couldn't think of a suitable metaphor or simile. So I welcome your help. Simply complete the following phrase: ...faster than.... Variations are OK, even if they indicate the opposite ...about as fast as... Contest deadline is May 5. Results will be posted on May 6. That's faster than a one-legged man in a whore chasing contest. {Ooops! That one sort of limps.} Second note: Grandma, who was living with her daughter's family, let her 11-year-old grandson in from school. "What did you learn today?" she asked. "Sex education. All about penises and vaginas and intercourse and stuff," he replied matter-of-factly. The old woman was shocked and reported the conversation to her daughter. Her daughter replied, "Mom, this is the Nineties. These days it's all part of the curriculum." A few hours later, the grandmother was reading, when her daughter announced dinner was ready. Grandmother walked past her grandson's bedroom and noticed him on his bed, vigorously masturbating. "Sonny," she said, "when you're finished with your homework, come on downstairs to eat." Third note: While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball; and seeing no one around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts. Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A blonde girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. "What's that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust. "Tennis ball," came the breathless reply. "Oh," said the blonde sympathetically, "that must be painful.... I had tennis elbow once." Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com. - Celeste |