The relationship between Mistress and submissive is - or can be a delicate and intimate thing. For example, you can read the correspondence between me and my slaveboy, "puto", in which I controlled his sexuality through orgasm denial and control. This weblog of some 60 messages started in Dec 02, and went thorough Jan 03, Feb 03, till Mar 03, when ill health forced me to stop. We have played together since, but I decided not to make these public, as I felt it was affecting puto's degree of openess.
So you can see that BDSM can be an intense thing. These photos, for example, where taken by "puto" when I loaned him out to my sister Kate.
When a man nails his cock to
your sister Kate's photo, well that's keen.
While abusing his arse
And abusing his cock (thanks to "puto" for the photos).
The exchange of control of power between one person and another can be the most beautiful and involving and psychologically fascinating union you can imagine. Or it can be trite, infantile, boorish and hackneyed. Worse, too often it involves the petty misogyny of damaged people who have big issues with their mum or dad or both. And, with all that leather and belts and stuff, it is, in fashion terms, pretty much the last relic of the 1970s: think of a bondage master in full gear — think Village People without a sense of irony.
Which is all a great shame, as using the currency of pain and humiliation to experience pleasure is one of the great journeys two people can take together. It creates a structure of consensual slavery - a relationship with a submissive who voluntarily offers him or herself to another as intelligent property. This can be based on rewards: granting sexual favours for return submissive behaviour, but needn't necessarily be so, or on structure.
Rewards are pretty self-evident. "Play", praise, sexual favours etc, all being examples.
Structure offers a different sort of motivation. Simply identifying a difference between owner and owned or master and slave is a form of structure. A collar is a physical representation and constant reminder of being "owned" and is yet another form of structure. Others include:
Enhanced boundaries
A slave is expected to perform better with time. As
performance of duties improve, more requirements or expectations are added.
Growth and Development
The owner through training can further the ability
of a slave (massage school, manicures and pedicures, grooming, cooking etc),
thus making him or her more useful.
Discipline
Different from 'play' discipline expresses an owner's disappointment
in his or her slave's performance. If a slave normally sleeps at the foot
of Misstress' bed, being sent to another room to sleep could be a form of discipline.
Discipline can be physical and if so should be delivered cold and without
sensuality.
The true "reward" for the slave comes from his or her service. Through service comes a sense of purpose - one which might not exist without the relationship. A servant with nobody to serve has no purpose.
The structure serves to focus the slave's attention on the desires of his or her owner, make the slave more useful to his or her owner and to provide/enhance the sense of purpose the slave needs.
And of course, the Mistress enjoys controlling the structure - like one of
my cats toying with a mouse.