about us:
This is the weblog journal of a Mistress, "Miss Emily" and her slaveboy, "puto" exploring a BDSM
based on exploiting the sexual potential of orgasm control and orgasm denial, using some
cock and ball torture and watersports methods.
"puto" is an American man who finds fulfilment in relinquishing control of his dominant
libido driven personality, and insights it gives into his own issue-laden condition.
He enjoys the forsenic examination of his personality as it suffers under tightening
control, and basks in the attention that that entails.
Miss Ginger is puto's life partner and sometime sexual partner.
Miss Emily and puto entered into an intense five month training session during the spring
and summer of 1998, at the end of which puto broke, and fled from his training regime.
Nontheless, puto always regarded himself in Miss Emily's debt for having allowed him to
experience the most intense and fulfilling submissive relationship he'd ever had.
With Miss Emily's permission, puto briefly entered into the service of her sister, Miss Kate,
over the 2000 holiday period, till cut short by outside cirsumstances. Now, Miss Emily
and puto have picked up the tread of their relationship, and seek again to explore themselves
through the lens of submission and control.
Monday, March 03, 2003
puto: Chastity Device Report
Ms Emily, I'm writing to report that the chastity device I made has some faults, and that I am working on another prototype. The main problems with the first design include pinching and chafing of my genitals (both penis and scrotum), which made the device extremely uncomfortable for extended wear. I could only endure it for eight hours before it became too uncomfortable. I wore it for the better part of Saturday afternoon and evening, and Ms Ginger and I were at the theatre when I finally had to remove it due to the pinching and chafing. As a tool for inflicting pain and discomfort it works well.
The new design I'm working on is made of a piece of plastic pvc pipe (the type used for plumbing) with two straps to secure my penis inside it. The end is closed with a small cap, into which a drain hole is drilled, so I can urinate while wearing it. The first strap wraps around my balls and attaches to the bottom of the pipe, and the second strap wraps around my balls and cock, and attaches to the top of the pipe. The combination of the two straps should prove successful in deterring the unwanted removal of my penis from the tube, and hopefully the design will prove comfortable enough for extended wear. The tube length is only three inches, which will certainly prevent me from having any sort of erection.
At the moment I am extremely randy, and awoke with another pounding, full-bladder erection this morning. I lay in bed enjoying it for some several minutes, focusing myself on You and chanting the same mantra as before...."I centre myself on my Mistress, Her service is my need." Today, however, I eventually succumbed to the temptation to touch myself, and took myself twice to the edge while visualizing myself kissing and worshipping Your feet. Afraid of going "too far", I stopped myself before I lost any further control, and left myself in a state of aroused suffering, which is where I remain right now.
I do certainly hope I have not offended You with this behaviour. Having not heard from You in more than a week left me feeling unpoliced with regards to what I am (am not) permitted to do during such times of extended silence, and I so badly wanted to practice my Devotion to You as my cockteaser. As such, I took it upon myself to repeat the orders You gave me before allowing me my last ejaculation. These were dated February 13, and I quote them here. I did fail in one possible point, however, by not wearing rubber gloves while stimulating myself this morning.
"For the duration of this exercise, you are permitted to auto-stimulate yourself as the urge dictates. The stipulations of not touching yourself directly, without gloves, continues as before. The only difference is that you may masturbate. Of course, you may not ejaculate. The length and frequency of masturbation is at your discretion. However, the subject of your masturbation must be feet: toes, soles, ankles – yours, mine, other peoples. You may not consider any other body part, and most especially, may not look upon my face."
[Note: This was the last entry in this blog, as ill health prevented its continuation - Emily]
Permalink:[+]
Saturday, March 01, 2003
puto: Caged
Ms Emily, I have awakened the last three days with very hard erections, and my thoughts of course turn directly to You. I laid in bed for ten minutes this morning enjoying my pounding cock without touching it, internally voicing an old mantra You gave me a few years ago....."I centre myself on my Mistress, Her service is my need." This made me even more aroused, and I further reflected upon Your Total ownership of my cock. Being in service to You these last eleven weeks has been wonderful, and I remain happy in my submission to You. I feel I am still in a phase of adjusting to my new life as Your Complete and Total sex slave. This is by far the most challenging task I have undertaken in life, and I look forward to my future of submission with a positive sense of pride. I deeply feel that Your control of my lust filled cock will make me a better man and lover as I submit to Your application of creative discipline. The reality of my situation becomes more solid with each passing day, and I know in my core that handing over of my past rights, privileges and freedom to You was the right thing to do. Thank You for accepting my submissiveness....thank You for accepting me.
Please know that I do want very much to ingratiate myself more deeply into Your favour, and am willing to undergo any trial or exercise You bestow upon me. To work my way back into Your grace, I have taken it upon myself to to bind my cock again, in order to control its arousal. To provide You with further control, I have made a leather chastity device which will prevent unwanted hard-ons, and have locked my penis inside it just a short while ago.
It is comprised of several straps which are riveted together. The main strap wraps around my penis and testicles to provide a secure enclosure for my entire package, and is tightened just enough to ensure that I cannot remove the device. Like a small belt, it has several holes for adjustment. Tightening is performed by passing a clevis pin through two of the holes. The next strap separates my balls vertically down their seam, and is attached to a little cup in which I insert my penis. Once inserted, a small tab on the cup's end is slipped onto the clevis pin, and a padlock is used to secure the whole deal.
I will remain locked for the next twenty-four hours, to test the device's comfortability and potential for extended use, and will remove it when I shower tomorrow.
Permalink:[+]
Tuesday, February 25, 2003
puto: Wrapped and Jacked
Ms Emily, I apologize for the delay in posting this update. As You know, things at home have been hectic this week. I did wrap my penis Sunday morning inside a two-inch wide elastic bandage, as per Your directions. This mummification is very stimulating, and I've never experienced anything like it. Thank You for Your creativity. As far as enhancement, I feel the addition of a cock ring (or strap) would add nicely to further increase arousal.
I witheld my ejaculation for one day after performing this exercise, and quickly masturbated to orgasm to keep from indulging in pleasure. Please know that my wish for an ejaculatory release was spawned by my desire to return to a state of higher arousal, in which I suffer more intensely for You. As always, I consumed my creamy jism for the privelege You bestowed upon me...
Permalink:[+]
Saturday, February 22, 2003
Emily: Small Things
Understood puto. OK, if we cannot do the big things, we will do the small things. As your penis is becoming limp, we will strengthen it. In the morning, take a length of bandage and wrap it around your penis, leaving the head open, and around your balls. It should be tight enough to bind, but not so tight as to painfully constrict. Use rubber bands around your cock and balls to hold the bandage firmly in place. Wear this throughout the day. Remove it if it becomes too painful. We don't want it dropping off. Report if this is successfully stimulating and what might be done to enhance it.
As you have choosen to squander your sole point of grace on ejaculating, so be it. You may ejaculate, once only, when convenient. However, you are not so far in my grace as to allow you to enjoy it. Ejaculate as mechanically as possible. The aim is to recharge yourself, not give yourself an enjoyable stimulation. In the light of this, you might want to reconsider your choice. Tough, you should of considered that I would be disappointed by your immediate rush to self-gratify yourself. You are zero points in my favour.
Ms Emily, thank You for granting me one point for my performance. Please know that I placed twenty-five pin pricks into my foot the form the letter "C". The mark has now disappeared.
I am not sure I can perform Your current request without Ms. Ginger knowing. The reasons, which are personal, will be sent to You privately.
In the meantime, know that my erections have passed again into a state of being only half-hard instead of rock-hard, signifying that my body has reached it's teasing limit. With this in mind, I'd like to wipe the slate clean and begin anew, so with my single exisiting point I'd like to ask for permission to ejaculate.
puto. You succeeded in your Feet exercise admirably, though you did not detail how many pricks of the sterile syringe needle were required to brand yourself with my initial. No matter, I award you one point. You are now +1 point in my favour, and may ask a modest gift from me, or withhold your request in order to further ingratiate yourself into my favour.
Tell me when the mark of C has disappeared; you will repeat the exercise with the following extensions:
1. In preparation for the exercise, boil a pan of salty water. Place a strip of bandage of sufficient length to bind the hate foot up to the ankle – leaving the toes open.
2. Prior to studding the hate foot with prinks to brand the letter C, lash the top of the foot repeatedly, until the pale white of the skin is red raw.
3. Afterwards, bandage the hate foot with the hot wet bandage. Leave on for at least 24 hours, and report the experience.
Ms. Emily, I began the fetishising exercise after bathing today, and started by giving my left foot a pampered massage for ten minutes. It was a sensual and enjoyable experience, and as I rubbed my foot I turned the locus of my attention toward sexualizing feet. I then used a sterile syringe needle to form the letter "C" into the top of my right foot. As the tiny spots began to take shape, identifying me as Your property, I found myself with an incredibly hard erection. Scanning my eyes from foot to cock, I anchored the excited state into my foot. Attaching the clothes pegs to the surrounding area of Your inscribed initial, my arousal was further heightened by the pinching, which made my cock throb with increased blood flow. Bouncing wildly in the air, it demanded that I attend it with generous stroking.
I was a bit apprehensive when I donned the rubber gloves to masturbate, knowing that further stimulation might push me over the brink. Also, since I am already suffering for release, I found myself not looking forward to increasing the level of my torment.Yet the idea of receiving pleasure from stroking was a magnetic draw, and one that I could not resist, especially with Your given consent.
The rubber gloves added a new dimension to my wanking. The first noticeable element was the sensation... it felt like another person was stroking my cock. The second element is with regards to lubrication. I normally masturbate without any, but the rubber gloves required the use of lubricant if I was going to obtain any stimulation. Without lubricant, the gloves merely pulled the skin of my cock taut. Breaking open a small vial of water-based jelly, I squirted the contents onto my penis and began stroking. My cock rose to attention, and visualizing myself kneeling before You and gazing upon Your creamy white, slender feet, I imagined I was stroking to present my hard cock to You. Within minutes I was at the edge of orgasm, and squeezing my buttocks and clenching my groin inwards, I held back the explosive surge of my cum without ejaculating, keeping my eyes lowered and upon Your feet.
Resting a minute to regain my composure, I began stroking again, gazing this time at Your ankles and arches. With pulsing cock in hand, my arousal came from the sexualization of Your feet. This caused a second rapid rise to orgasm. Adjusting the pressure of my clasped hand allowed for extended enticement, but eventually I was on the brink of cumming again. I wanted badly to keep teasing myself, but felt I was already too close to the edge, and feared that if I continued along this path I would not be able to control myself. I unburied the reminder that I had planted into my thoughts earlier, namely, that I would remain thankful for the pleasure You've allowed me, provided by the mere stroking of my penis.
As I dressed myself, I observed how my sexuality can be expressed in a multitude of dimensions, and how most anything can be sexualized when I am teased then denied orgasm. The mere thought of feet can presently arouse me.
I have just finished putting two small pebbles into my right shoe, and am about to leave for a walk on the beach with Ms. Ginger. I feel certain that the pressure they exert on my foot will certainly be keeping my focus turned toward how aroused I can become via feet.
Permalink:[+]
Friday, February 14, 2003
puto: Focused on Feet
Ms. Emily, it's with great joy that I read the gift You grant me. Thank You for allowing me the opportunity to be Your experiment. My current phallocentrism is definitely due to the pounding erections which so powerfully influence my attention, the aching in my loins begging for ejaculatory release.
While feet themselves have never been a large erotic attraction for me, booted feet certainly are, and I have felt the electrical wave of sexual arousal hit me in the crotch on numerous occasions while looking at women wearing certain boot designs. Given the constant state of aching in my crotch right now, however, most anything can easily arouse me.
Please know that I am quite good at giving foot massages, having learned many years ago about the pressure points in the feet that are equated with the body's internal organs. I actually practice on Ms. Ginger often, and pamper Her feet at least twice per week, usually just before retiring for the night. It's a sure-fire way to put Her to sleep quickly, especially if She is stressed.
I plan to begin the exercise today, and will report the results of my experience as soon as possible...
Permalink:[+]
Thursday, February 13, 2003
Emily: The Gift of Feet
puto. Your discipline seems firm, at least at this early stage of your new period of denial. It seems, however, terribly phallocentric. Perhaps that’s only natural. But I find natural commonly overrated. So as an experiment in displacement or distraction or dislocating your mind from its penis tyranny, I’m going to make you focus on an under appreciated aspect of your anatomy, and explore the pleasures and pains it can stimulate.
I want you to focus your erotic energies on feet. I presume this is not a strong erotic area for you, as I don’t recall feet majoring in any of your meanderings before – with one noble except, the desire to worship at my feet.
1. For the duration of this exercise, you are permitted to auto-stimulate yourself as the urge dictates. The stipulations of not touching yourself directly, without gloves, continues as before. The only difference is that you may masturbate. Of course, you may not ejaculate. The length and frequency of masturbation is at your discretion. However, the subject of your masturbation must be feet: toes, soles, ankles – yours, mine, other peoples. You may not consider any other body part, and most especially, may not look upon my face.
2. You will choose one of your own feet to be your “love foot”. You will groom it attentively, granting it foot baths, bathing it in oils, massaging it. If you are inexpert at foot massages, conduct research to learn how to pleasure the foot. If she is amenable, without pushing or pestering, offer to practice what you have learnt on Miss Ginger’s feet.
3. The other foot will be your “hate foot”. Place small stones in your shoes – note that the aim is to be constantly aware of the discomfort, not to make you lip lamely. Use needles to tattoo a pattern of bloodspots marking out the letter C across the top of your foot. I suggest 20 needle points, but the aim is to ensure the letter is distinct, so act accordingly. Surround the letter C with the pinch marks made by a circle of clothes pegs.
4. Report on how this fetishisation changes the nature and type of experience you have. Does it displace: changing the locus of your sexual experience from your phallis to your feet? Does it distract: offering a novel interlude that will tire and recentre itself back on your phallis. Does it dislocate: uncomfortably change how you view your erotic drive and make you aware that arousal is possible by the act of will to sexualise.
Note, this activity is a gift, not a punishment. You still of Zero points in my grace, but a weeks holiday is nearly upon me and it’s obviously making me feel charitable.
Ms. Emily, my body has returned to waking with hard, full erections. This one happened in the middle of the night, awakening me from deep sleep. My focus of course, turns to You, the keeper of my ejaculations. Daily now I have to override the natural urge to stroke, touch, thrust, and rub it, replacing my cocks desire for instant gratification with the new behaviours of Your regiment. It's especially important, and sometimes difficult, to keep this focus while not fully awake. "You are here to serve Ms. Emily" I tell it, goading it into submission.
"New behaviour"...I repeat the words. "Five distinct ways....devotion, training, punishment, gifts, petitions". Another day begins with offering You the gift of my continued devotion, denying myself orgasmic release. Even without direct stimulation I have entered the stage of suffering, my cock wanting the sweet release of a good hard cum. Yet only eight days have passed since You allowed me this privelege. Those several ejaculations didn't even feel rewarding, given the circumstances.
If my body takes the route it did last time, another week will pass before this suffering dissolves into complete surrender, then acceptance. A shiver runs through me, the cold, tingling delight of my arousal releasing its surge up my spine. I breathe deeply, looking toward You for support. "Ms. Emily is my pillar", I chant to myself. Pillar, eh! I wonder where that came from???....the double entendre quite self-evident. "Oh what I wouldn't do to have an orgasm right now!" "I had no idea You were going to collar me so tightly, turning me into a lifestyle submissive."
Only half-awake, my sub-conscious churns more thoughts like the ones above. Spacey and exhausted, I drift back to sleep, glad to be in the position of becoming a full-time slave.....
Permalink:[+]
