so Brits and Amercians, what´s the difference, well ...

You say ToeMayToe   ...  I say  TomMarToe

OK, so actually I say Genetically Engineered, Water Injected, Agribusiness-Produced Muck, but that's another topic. If you are a direct, straightforward, on the level kinda regular guy (or shallow American, as we might call you) you might get a bit pissed when dealing with the Brits and their imperial castoffs (Aussies, Kiwis, South Africans, etc). This is partly because we think getting pissed is getting drunk, and you think it's getting annoyed. So here's some hints and tips on crossing that cultural chasm (or ``mind the gap" as we say here - making an oblique shared cultural reference to anyone who has been on the London tube, and being faintly annoying to anyone who hasn't).

1. It is very very rude to be direct to a stranger (which is why Americans are often thought to be rude, whereas they think they are just being honest and upfront). The object of the exercise is not to give or cause offence, or indeed, not to RISK causing offence: civility is highly prized. So, when you initially meet someone, you dance around conversationally on some safe topic, slipping in the odd bit of coded language (a bit of flippancy here, a touch of sarcasm there, some reference to a shared cultural icon that will obliquely indicate whether you are hip or straight or whatever) to help establish that you're a regular gal. If the other person "gets it", then you can begin to chat in a more direct way. This is what people usually mean when they say the English are reserved.

2. You can only be rude to people you like. Indeed, the ruder you are, the closer your  implied friendship is. So I can tell my sister to stop being such an arse-licking old slapper, and we'll both laugh, because she knows I'm being ironic. Whereas to my Deputy Headmistress, who IS an arse-licking old slapper, I would never dream of telling her directly. (We don't like direct confrontation, it represents an unsophisticated failure to contain a situation and keep it civil). Indirectly, of course, I tell her that all the time, with exaggerated obedience to her commands, by ambiguous backhanded complaints, and by being a complete bitch behind her back and slagging her off to all my colleagues. This is where the stiff upper lip comes from, showing forbearance to idiots. Attractive, eh? Well, it's just a different culture.

3. If you do actually have to be confrontational, you'd always preface it with "Excuse me but ..." or "Sorry, but ...". Of course, we're not sorry for something you have done, you are sorry for having to step outside the usual veneer of politeness and be confrontational.

Now in my understanding of your American culture, studied for many years through the medium of Dallas, the Dukes of Hazard, Jerry Springer and Mork & Mindy, etc (so I really know what I'm talking about!). Being direct and upfront and blunt is proper behaviour, and if someone doesn't like what you say, tough, just deal with it. Which is just about a full 180 degrees away from Brit (especially English) culture. So, while you sit chatting to a Brit / Aussie / NZ / South African whatever wondering, "why is they guy being such an arsehole (sorry, asshole), why doesn't he just TELL ME what he wants so we can move on". The Brit person is sitting there thinking, "oh God, another wanker, she not giving me any clues that she's on my wavelength, I wonder how I can skip out of this conversation without looking rude."

neat ha?

Global Village ... only ish

This site is partially written in vernacular English, so if you only speak this as a second language (eg, you're an American), the this may help

Guide to British English