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Celestial Reviews 274 - April 11, 1998 Note: Two factory workers were discussing the fate of Big Jack and his wife. "Yeah," the first one said, "I guess when he got home and found that shop steward in bed with the little woman, he lost his cool." "No wonder he shot the bastard six times. Can you think of anything worse?" "Hell, yes," the second one replied. "Half an hour earlier and he would have shot ME!" Second note: After last issue's rather tawdry treatise on pick-up lines, I am proud (or at least less embarrassed) this week to present The Top 15 Pick-Up Lines Used by William Shakespeare 15> "How about a little Puck?" 14> "Of course, 'Romeo and Gertrude' is just a working title. I might be persuaded to change it for you, M'Lady." 13> "Et tu, Cutie?" 12> "Shall I compare thee to a brick outhouse?" 11> "If I whispered in thine ear that thou hadst a body of beauty unknown but to the heavens, wouldst thou hold it against me?" 10> "Wouldst thou care to join me in forming the beast with two backs?" 9> "My heart, it pines, as my trousers tent." 8> "Without thine companionship, dear lady, I fearest I'd spend the evening with pen in hand, if thou knowest what I mean." 7> "Hey, Baby, can Ophelia up?" 6> "Is this a dagger I see before me? Nay! I'm merely happy to cast eyes upon thy beauty!" 5> "Greetings to you, fair sailor." 4> "But soft, what light through yonder trousers breaks?" 3> "Wouldst thou away to yon Motel 6 with me?" 2> "O! Prithee sitteth upon my visage, and perchance to let me divine thy weight." and the Number 1 Pick-Up Line Used by William Shakespeare... 1> "Do me, or not do me. THAT is the question." Second note: All of my past Celestial Reviews are now archived at ftp://asstr.ml.org/pub/Collections/Celestial_Reviews/. This is not "my" archive; so don't ask me questions about how it operates or complain to me when it goes down. I have no official web site of my own, but I am usually willing to cooperate with anyone who wishes to post my reviews, and I am grateful for their help. Third Note: Several people have called to my attention the "problems" with regard to giving numerical ratings to stories. Let me make just a few points. I am aware that numbers can be an oversimplification. It is far better to read the complete reviews than to choose stories based on mere numbers. However, the numeric ratings - though imperfect - do serve a useful function by enabling readers of the reviews to summarize the reviewer's insights and to compare stories. When I post my annual lists of all the stories (usually in July), those stories that have no numeric ratings probably get ignored by lots of people who read those lists. To repeat, I think the numeric ratings, though imperfect, do serve a valuable purpose. Second, I am aware of "grade inflation" in the ratings. In other words, a lot of stories get 10s. This happens largely because (a) the "standard" was set back in 1996, when most stories weren't as good as they are now, and (b) most bad stories simply do not get reviewed. If I reviewed all the stories ever available on a.s.s., the average story would probably get a rating of about 5 in each category; and if you look back to my earliest reviews, that's about what you'll find. However, almost immediately I started looking for better stories and people started posting higher quality stories. Before long, authors were mailing their stories to me. People don't mail me stories that are likely to get ratings of 1 or 3. They mail me stories that they are proud of and that are likely to receive ratings in the 8-10 range. And so ratings have tended to go up. Just yesterday I received back from a reviewer a story with a note that he didn't want to review it, because it was a lousy story and he didn't feel like humiliating the author in public. I am not going to bother sending that story to anyone else. Another reviewer recently sent me a spontaneous review of a story that he had stumbled across and wanted to share with my readers. This is one way that bad stories get excluded and good stories included in my Reviews. I hope you can see that while this sort of selection is beneficial (it obtains reviews of more stories that readers will want to read), it also "inflates" the ratings. For the foreseeable future I intend to keep on using the same numerical system, which evolved through careful thought over two years ago. I am not going to dump a perfectly useful system simply because some authors find the pressure to compete to be stifling or because some readers misuse the ratings. I would appreciate it if my guest reviewers would use a similar system, but I have little control over them, nor am I trying to crack the whip on them now. One reviewer gives a single numeric system where I suspect that his 8 is about equivalent to my 10, 9, 9; and another frequently leaves one of the categories blank for reasons with which I personally disagree. Both these people write excellent reviews, and I have no interest in forcing them to change. I appreciate the comments I receive about these reviews, and I'll continue to try to do a good job. Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com. - Celeste |