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"MY First Experience" by Jessi (spam) 4, 1, 1 "MY First Experience" by Jessi. This "story" is hard to summarize; but it's so short that I decided to just reprint the entire thing: "My first experience posing nude got me so turned on that I went on to take some really nasty amateur hardcore sex pix and post them on the net for everyone else to enjoy. Access thousands of amateur hardcore sex pictures amateur nude amateur naked amateur sex amateur porno amateur xxx amateur adult amateur porn amateur blowjob amateur anal amateur gangbang amateur lesbians amateur masterbation" At first I thought I wasn't in a story group at all. I thought perhaps I had drifted off into an area where emotionally distraught spammers plied their dismal trade. But no, this is alt.sex.STORIES; and this author is trying to describe HIS (or HER) {Note the deliberate use of the capitals letters to initiate the title} First Experience. Alas, while everyone else is enjoying this person's pix, he himself has been reduced to the level of a blithering idiot, sans commas, sans period, sans damn near everything. My real problem with this story is that this first experience seems to be defined too broadly. I mean, in what sense could "thousands of pix of the alliterative amateur adult amateur activities anal activities" actually represent a "first experience"? Even if the thousands of pix were of the author's nose, at some point we would have to consider some of these pix to be a second or even a third experience. I think it was either Will Rogers or Benjamin Disraeli who said, "You can only lose your virginity once." What he really meant, of course, is that one can lose one's virginity only once; and after that it's no longer a first experience. Anyway, my interested was piqued, and so I went to the web site for a looksee. I was greeted by a quasi-literate message that said, in part: "You should exit from this site immediately if you are in any way offended by sexual Nude Sex Amateur material of any nature by using the back button on your browser." My immediate problem, of course, was that this message clearly indicated that I was supposed to exit via back button, since I had already been offended by the grammar, which certainly falls beneath the "in any way" umbrella phrase. However, since I had arrived via AOL's keyword command (a sensual experience in its own right), I could not follow this instruction, since my back button was grayed out. Therefore, I felt legally justified to plunge forward - or foreword, as this author would probably prefer. I might add right here that this was my first sexual experience - at least if I define the terms broadly enough. And since I was not getting paid, I was an amateur. I was feeling right at home. But then the web site crashed. In fact, it crashed my whole computer. That's what happens when you deal with amateurs, especially alliterative asshole amateur adult anal amateurs who appear to be illiterate. However, before the computer crashed, I got a glimpse of Jessica, who appears to be a stereotypical blonde - one of those people who supply fodder for blonde jokes over on rec.humor. More determined than ever, I rebooted my computer, rebuilt my system folder, and returned to Jessica's alliterative amateur adult amateur activities anal artistic endeavor. I crashed again, and again. This was no longer fun. The proper word for this kind of crap is not "amateur," but "amateurish." Ratings for "MY First Experience" Athena (technical quality): 4 Venus (plot & character): 1 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 1