Abuse

So lets be up front about this: sexual relations between kids and adults is always abusive, even if tender, as they involve an abuse of power by those that have it (the adult) and those that don't (the kid). It also involves an abuse of bodies — puberty is natures way of saying I'm ready for sex. And because of those reasons alone, it is always wrong. So don't do it.

Child Sexuality

Nonetheless, there are some interesting questions around this whole area. When is a child a child, and when does it become adult enough for sex? Obviously assigning a random date for this is a very crude mechanism for answering this question. Obviously a child is not completely asexual before it is 16 and then a sexual creature on its sixteenth birthday.

I remember playing with my pussy when I was at least five, and may have done so earlier but just can't remember. Both my children touched themselves were it is pleasant as babies. I remember being surprised that Joe had very frequent erections - which Kate has confirmed with her two boys.

Next, what about children having sex with children. Many countries have separate (younger) ages of consent for pee-to-peer sexual relationships. I know I started my sexual exploration with other kids at eight.

Next, in different cultures, what constitutes incest, and indeed what constitutes childhood, are quite different. In many cultures childhood ends with puberty (though in fairness, sex is  controlled by marrying off a poor girl asap for a couple of goats and some shinny beads). In other cultures, there is simply no understanding of ``childhood" as a different stage of life as we understand it. And don't even get me started on those Greeks and Romans.

The Family Teaching About Sex, Not

Which is all very interesting. But for me the big one is that the Family is all about teaching children about sex - except only from a negative standpoint. The family teaches the child when and how it can go wee and poo, when and how it be naked (and not-naked). It teaches that there are ``private parts" (and by implication ``public parts"), and when and how it can touch it's "private parts", when and how it can touch other people's privates.

It creates barriers, closed doors behind which children must do things hidden (poo, wee, bath, masturbate), or not go through at all (siblings/parents door when shut). Nothing it does shows sex in much of a positive light. You never get to see your parents fucking in love and enjoyment. Indeed, for most (me too) the idea of your mum and dad fucking is very yuck - most people want to say, my parents don't do that sort of thing (when obviously they did, at least once).

Incest versus Underage Sex

It is easy to lump the two together, but they are not the same. Incest does not have to involve children, and underage sex does not have to be incestuous. Yet there is a huge crossover, the vast majority of underage sex is incestuous. So what is the underlying attraction of this, given the huge taboo that forbids it.

Well, it lies at the juncture of several massively powerful erotic ideas and intense emotions. It combines the two strongest forms of love: sexual love and family love. Involves the right of passage from asexual to sexualised person. It is cloaked in the sweet seductive intimacy of secrecy. It jars  wickedness against innocence. It is biting into the (sexual) apple from the tree of knowledge, by which we all fall from innocent grace and enter the real world. It allows people who may not have a great deal of power in their own life to exploits and abuses power over others. In short, it is a heady evil pill to swallow. Which is why so many like to flirt with it, and a surprising number actually do it.

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Underage