Written by Me
Proofed by Bill.
I only first began to take a sexual interest in my daughter, Amy, when she was turning eight. I don't know why it hadn't occurred to me before how cute and sexy she was. And I don't know why it occurred to me then. Except I was being swept up in an intense and increasingly depraved relationship with my brother-in-law, and all my hang-ups and preconceptions about myself were being popped, one-by-one in short order. It was at this time that I became very interested in watersports. An interest shockingly shared by my younger sister (I was about 31 at the time, she was 29), with whom I'd had an intense teenage incestuous relationship that had petered out after we left home, but awoke again as I stopped play-acting at being an English version of a Stepford-wife, and started to truly discover my sexual self.
Anyhow, with all this going on with Robert and Kate, it was fairly easy to slip into casual denial, and pretend to not notice my attraction to my daughter. By the time Amy was ten, three things were converging: firstly I had grown much more comfortable and confident in my perversity; secondly Amy had started the changes from a child's to woman's body; and thirdly, Amy had begun to display some of the common coyness and inhibitions, that grows like a cancer as the unself-conscious child turns into an all too self-conscious teenager. So I came to accept my growing desire to sexually explore the child-woman flowering in my home, and was determined not to let Amy waste the best sexual years of her life struggling with feelings of guilt, repression, denial and ignorance.
Reading back what I've just written makes it sound a little cold and po-faced. But it's just an ex post facto rationalisation of a series of chaotic feelings, desires, and thoughts that I had to work through over several years. Which, I guess, is another way of saying it's more complicated for women: we don't just do things because our Dicks tell us too!
Not that it didn't take a lot of guts to seduce my daughter. And a fair bit of thought. You can't just run and jump at someone and expect them to respond when they have no idea what you are doing or how to behave. So I pretty much set about giving Amy a proper sex education. Though often by indirect methods. For example, I would no longer hold back when having an orgasm and bite my pillow. Instead, I'd give full voice to my pleasure and let everyone in the house know how fucking great it was to cum. Likewise I encouraged nudity around the house. Never told Joe off if he played with himself (I never realised how much little boys play with themselves till I had one of my own). And was open about my affair with my brother-in-law, and the sex parties we would sometimes be able to organise.
To her crerdit, Amy was pretty cool about most of this, though she was obviously shocked when I became involved in a BDSM affair as a sub with a friend of Robert's, Lindsey. And then after that, got confused when I switched over to being a top for a young ex-college boy from Seattle, who we had staying in the house as my toilet slave and housemaid. After he left I gently explored whether Amy would be interested in fulfilling that role. She wasn't. By now she was eleven, and I was sleeping with her half the nights of the week - whenever Mark my husband was working nights.
When I first began to touch her and kiss her, she was pretty passive. It's so easy to forget at that age that you have no idea how to kiss, no idea how nice it is to play with titties or clits or arseholes or have your feet or fingers or ear lobes sucked. I demonstrated how to play with myself a couple of times, and encouraged her to help, and then would show her how to play with herself. She enjoyed these games - unsteady about it all, though she was - and struggled to put it into any sort of context.
Her problem was like the old Steve Martin joke that if he had breasts he'd stay at home and stroke his nipples all day. If sex was so much fun and cool, why don't people fuck in the streets?
She finally joined the dots up around her 12th birthday. Before then she enjoyed sexy games between us because they were games, afterwards she enjoyed them becuase they were sexy. Prehaps having her first period on the 12th birthday was just a coincedence, but a week later, when it had stopped, I licked Amy into her first real orgasm. And suddenly sex wasn't just intense tickles, it was something else completely - and she still couldn't understand why people don't spend all day fucking everyone they fancy, but she didn't care.
Once she knew the pleasure that would overwhelm her once she was aroused, she was very keen and very trusting to explore new ways of becoming aroused. That's the advantage of having your mum as your teacher. I was 30 before I let someone play kinky games with my arse. Not that she took to everything. She still thinks scat and puke games are totally totally disgusting (and I only can take so much, usually when drugged up a bit). But she enjoys watersports games, though I suspect her pleasure is more related to the intense pleasure it gives me.
Anyhow, over the last nine months, when I've become interested in snuff topics, we hit a very strong connection. Amy went through a brief Goth phase - but moved on because the people there were really only interested in dressing up. And has become very interested in Satanism and witchcraft, which I'm encouraging, as it helped piece together that nagging - why don't people fuck all the time question - answer, becuase most people are dumb-arses, and because it's made her grow in confidence: suddenly she's not a strange over-sexually active early teenager, now she's a being with a high consciousness who may take whatever fruits she desires, whether they are forbidden or not!
Its been lovely to watch her grow into being her own person, clear in what she wants. And a privilege to be able to share in each other's intimacies, each other's pleasures, and to pass down the stuff I have learnt about people and bodies and sex. I wish my mum would have helped me when I was Amy's age.
So there you go. I hope that helps you see a picture of an incestuous relationship which is loving and explorative, not exploitative.
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