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Celestial Reviews 276 - April 18, 1998 Note: This week I have a selection of pick-up lines to be used for or by engineers and engineering students: 1. I won't stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page. 2. You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus. 3. Since distance equals velocity times time, let's let velocity and time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you. 4. My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing. 5. Let's convert our potential energy to kinetic energy. 6. Wanna come back to my room and see my 166mhz Pentium? 7. How about you and I go back to my place and form a covalent bond? 8. You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum. 9. You're sweeter than glucose. 10. We're as compatible as two similar Power Macintoshes. 11. Why don't we measure the coefficient of static friction between you and me? 12. Wanna see the programs in my HP-48GX? 13. Your body has the nicest arc length I've ever seen. 14. Isn't your e-mail address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com 15. You're hotter than a Bunsen burner set to full power! Second note: A man, his wife, and their eight children are waiting at a bus stop. A blind man joins the group. The bus arrives. The blind man and the husband are forced to walk because there's just no more room on the bus. As they walk together, the tapping of the blind man's cane starts to irritate the other man. Finally, the man says, "You know, that's pretty irritating. Why don't you put a rubber on the end of that stick?" The blind man retorts: "If you'd put a rubber on the end of *your* stick, we'd BOTH be on that bus." Third note: One day Charlie the embalmer says to his boss, "There's a problem with Mrs. Whittaker." The boss says, "What's that?" Charlie says, "I was getting her cleaned up when I noticed a jumbo shrimp sticking out of her pussy." The boss says, "That's impossible. Show me." They go to the table where she's lying. Charlie flips back the sheet, points, and says, "See? There's a jumbo shrimp sticking out of her pussy." The boss takes a closer look and says, "You jerk, that's not a piece of shrimp. That's her clit." Charlie says, "Her clit? Well, it sure tasted like shrimp." Fourth note: New Zealanders are lonely people. They sometimes have bizarre insights into human existence. I got the following story from a New Zealander: An Aborigane and an Italian are driving through the outbacks. Both are tired , when suddenly they see a dingo with its head caught in a fence. The aboriganee slams on the brakes, jumps out of the car, and drops his pants. The Italian sits looking on in stunned silence as his mate boinks this dingo. When he is finished , he turns to his mate and says " OK, Giuseppe, it's your turn now " The italian just sits there, not knowing what to do; and his mate says, "Don't worry; it doesn't hurt." So the Italian gets out of the car and slips his head into the fence next to the dingo. Fifth note: I occasionally make typographical mistakes. Last issue I gave DG's "Blood and Sand" conflicting ratings of 10-10-10 and 10-8-8. When conflicts of this kind occur, the rating in the index (table of contents) is almost always the correct one. I often copy the ratings at the end of one review and paste them at the end of the next. In the present case, I remembered to change the name of the story, but I neglected to change the numeric ratings. At any rate, "Blood and Sand" is an excellent story. At the present time it is a contender for the Number One story of April. Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste@aol.com. - Celeste |