Celestial Review

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Celestial Reviews 298 - August 1, 1998

Note: The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and
said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a
couple of minutes?"

The woman looked puzzled. "Why talk to me?" she asked.

"Because every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, my wife appears
out of nowhere"

Second note: Here are the top 11 reasons why e-mail is like a penis.

11. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.

10. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.

9. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not worth
the fuss that those who have it make about it.

8. Many of those who don't have it would like to have it, a phenomenon
psychologists call *E-Mail Envy*

7. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work
done.

6. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to
the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it
should be used for, but most folks today use it mostly for fun.

5. If you don't take proper precautions, it can spread viruses.

4. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to
think coherently.

3. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and
influence warrant.;

2. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of
trouble.

and the number one reason Why E-Mail is Like a Penis...

1. If you play with it too much, you go blind!

Third Note: This came to me from a woman who claims she has a Masters Degree
in Sacred Scriptures. So when she says this is a lost passage from Genesis,
it must be true:

On the sixth day God created woman, and she had 3 breasts. God said to the
woman, "Is there anything about you that you'd like to change?"

The woman said, "Yes. Could you get rid of this middle breast?"

God snapped his fingers, and it was done.

Holding the third breast in her hand, the woman exclaimed, "What am I going to
do with this useless boob?"

And God created man.