Next Time
That was when I realised that she was moving. Not a lot. She was rocking back and forth, her thighs pressing into me, her panties moving around on my stomach.
Feb 2012
Super badinage; reminds me of another writer:
Bondi Beach.
Dec 2010
Excellent - most enjoyable.
Jul 2009
Hell of a story. As one of those guys who goes through life lacking confidence I can appreciate Josh's feelings. Damn I wish I'd known someone like Sam!
Apr 2009
I enjoyed your story. The theme was an oh-so-true one and well carried out. The story was quite believable. The characterzation was on the weak side, but adequate for this short a story. I would like to have seen a bit more done with that.
I have a fe
GBF: I appreciate the feedback. I wish you'd left some notes on the errors though, so either I could fix them, or we could argue. :-)
Sep 2008
great little story, very arousing... is there a sequel?
GBF: Well yes. But you know, if you're going to ask questions, you really should leave an email address!
Sep 2008
Hot. Wonderfully, gently, realistically teenage. Spur of the moment and don't call me in the morning -- brings back memories.
Sep 2008
Nicely done... nice change of direction & return with the past becoming more enlightened for one lost in his past... Keep the words flowing
Jun 2008
Very nice, sexy story with a sexy sweet ending...or is it beginning? :-)
I really enjoyed it, even though i was interrupted continuously while reading it. :-)
Jun 2008
Very nice, sexy story with a sexy sweet ending...or is it beginning? :-)
I really enjoyed it, even though i was interrupted continuously while reading it. :-)
Jan 2008
My next time was as a college student after having
a friend graduate.
All of this seemed too real as it was very much
the same two years later.
It never went anywhere afterwards ,but it was
wonderful for both of us and this reminds me of
her.
As th
Oct 2007
Hey, I know I'm a bit late but I really liked this
one too.
Jun 2006
I think it was sweet. Sexy but sweet. Teenage experimenst that years later culminated in
GBF: Now you wouldn't want to ruin it, would you? :-)
May 2006
good stuff, keep it up. I wouldn't mind parts 3 & 4 ....
GBF: Again, fat chance, but thanks for the comments.
May 2006
good stuff, keep it up. I wouldn't mind parts 3 & 4 ....
GBF: Fat chance! :-)
May 2006
Nice! Particularly like the good focus -- looks, contact, dialog -- and readable length. Let the good times keep on rolling!
GBF: You mentioned both parts, so I put your comment in twice. Of course I can! :-)
May 2006
Nice! Particularly like the good focus -- looks, contact, dialog -- and readable length. Let the good times keep on rolling!
May 2006
Good because it is quite different to most other stories, many are fairly crude, boring and obvious. Looking forward to Part 2.
GBF: I'm glad I've written it then! :-)
May 2006
Mmmm, oooo, that's better! :-)
GBF: So... You like this one? :-)
May 2006
The sex was lovely! Very believable, very real, very sexy. I can very much relate to a girl who wants to experiment but isn't ready for everything.
But the ending! How fucking sad for them both! I'm off to read part 2 now. Am I just being a glut
GBF: Oh, oh. How much trouble am I in? :-)
Mar 2006
beautiful!
GBF: Shucks! Oh, you mean the story? :-)
Feb 2006
Great story written erotic and sweet
GBF: Awww, thanks.
Feb 2006
This tale is very nice; thanks for sharing it! It is good to read of inadvertant vixens. Lord knows I can always find lots of tales to do with intentional vixens!
GBF: It's all a scheme the vixens dreamed up anyway. :-)
Feb 2006
love should win out once in a while, great story
GBF: Not just once in a while, surely? Thanks.
Dec 2005
That was SO sweet, and very plausible.. I loved it, and now that I've read a few of your works, I think I love you too! Keep the good reads coming. =)
GBF: Oooh, I promise!
Dec 2005
I'm just starting to roam through your works.
Great writing, with well thought out lead ins. I
am enjoying "The Game" also. How long have
you been writing? however long it has been, you are great. I'm looking forward to exploring all of your words,
GBF: Well, let me know how you get on!
Nov 2005
Cute story. Dialogue stories are hard to do well, but I never had to count lines to figure out which character was speaking. Good job.
GBF: You see, I *can't* count. :-)
Nov 2005
I love it! Reminds me of my first time with my fiancee. It was rather unplanned and sweet like your story was. Excellent writing, love the characters.
GBF: Great. I live to please!
Nov 2005
This is a nice romantic story with believable characters.The sex is hot and the premise is cool.I scored it 10.Thanks for an entertaining read!
GBF: Damn, and here I was going for raunchy and evil. :-)
Oct 2005
I think i am hooked on you and artie for life. Your stories are pleasant not crude, sexually exciting, and I always want more. Thank you for creating such wonderful entertainment.
GBF: Well, Artie deserves it. :-)
Oct 2005
Good story! Not sure where you would go with it but the characters are interesting and you write well so an additional chapter or three would be an interesting read. Keep up the good work.
GBF: No, no. It's finished. You understand? :-) Done? Finito ? :-)
Oct 2005
Thanks very enjoyable. I think most of us have second thoughts and desires whee we missed an opportunity.
GBF: Well, thanks. I think so too.
Oct 2005
It was a wonderful and easy read. I can almost see it as it was happening. Thank you so much for writing this up.
GBF: Hey, no problem. Read more any time!
Sep 2005
Even better and enjoyable than Part 1. Brought back delicious memories. I have to confess I masturbated, the story was just too believable, it was as if it was me.
Thank you so much. I am now going to find more of your writing.
GBF: I won't tell. :-)
Sep 2005
I really loved your story. It seemed so possible, which I like to think is the real value test of any writing. It made me very horny and I found I could clearly picture in my mind everything that happened. Thank you.
GBF: Great! That was the plan. :-)
Aug 2005
Thanks! I really liked the dialogue -
well-written, completely "normal" and believable.
GBF: Oh oh. Now I know I'm in trouble! :-)
Jul 2005
Oh my...off to read part two!
GBF: Good plan.
Jul 2005
a good sort of classyerotic story
GBF: Whew.
Jul 2005
um... love the chatting... just like real life.. casual and fun and meaningful and loving. Present moment perfect,even if they did miss a few years in between, everything happens for a reason... NICE WRITING!!! .. is this where this ends or is there a Cha
GBF: Well, this is the end. They all lived happily ever after. :-)
Jul 2005
Very erotic, I enjoyed it very much.
GBF: Thanks. What happened to part 2 then? :-)
Jul 2005
yeeeessssssss how can a story be so tender and so HOT at the same time??????????
GBF: Your typing is improving. :-)
Jul 2005
Just did a re-read and I enjoyed it just as much as the first time. This still holds as one of my top three, thanks again Gentle.
GBF: You never did tell me how you got on with reading it to your husband!
Jul 2005
My comments are the same for both stories: Great! I love stories told primarily through dialogue, especially when they still work *as* stories on paper (or screen). It's one of my favourite things about Robert Heinlein's style, and you've captured the sam
GBF: You have no idea how much this paragraph pleases me. You've made my entire week! If there is just ONE person I'd like to base my work on, it's Heinlein. I'm over the moon! Thanks very, very much.
Jul 2005
Cute. Very cute. I have the 100th vote.
GBF: 100th? How do you figure that?
Jun 2005
Great. I liked the first one, and the second one!
GBF: I hate to think you only like one!
Jun 2005
I really enjoyed this, although I would have liked a more fulfilling ending - I'm a romantic at heart.
Good Work!
GBF: Hell, so am I. What do you mean, fulfilling?
Jun 2005
This story, both chapters was sublime. I especially appreciate the shift from the articulate biteing teen dialoge to the wonderful, easy up-tempo, young adult reparte. It felt very much like watching a movie. I found myself drawn into this little story in
GBF: Oh, thank you very much. I just might!
Jun 2005
I read a few more of your stories this morning and I just have to say you are very good at what you do. I read the Shower, Next Time, and the one about the Bi
GBF: Nothing quite like a wholesale reader! :-)
May 2005
Gentle,
Your stories always seem more believeable than most in the genre.
I agree with everyone else--This one needs a part 3, maybe another ten down the road with three little screamers running around the house to complicate playing cowgirl.
Ab
GBF: Damn. And thanks. :-) Cowgirl???
May 2005
THIS STORY IS GREAT AND IS MY FAVORITE!!! i I LIKE IT ALOT i HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR A STORY TO READ TO MY HUSBAND BEFORE BED AND i THINK THAT THIS IS THE ONE!
GBF: Well, I hope I hear about the result!
May 2005
great story -looking forward to the next chapter
GBF: Huh? Next? It's finished, buster. They lived happily ever after. :-)
May 2005
I love the way your stories build to a climax.
GBF: Climax? How do you mean, exactly? :-) Thanks.
May 2005
I can't remember when the last time was that I have read such a great story. I will now go find the rest of your work.
GBF: Damn, leave me an email address. Such fine words deserve thanks!
May 2005
Will there be a part 3? I hope so!
GBF: Well.... Umm... No. Actually, I'm working on another story with a similar scenario...
Apr 2005
Its a sweet story, but too sweet for my tastes. In the first chapter, where he's jerking off and she's watching..that could have been handled in a much more exciting way, I think.
When she does enter the room though, its well done.
The second chapt
GBF: Well, I can't say I agree, but think how boring it would be if I did! :-) Thanks for the feedback.
Apr 2005
Great story! Love stories with sex and sentiment. Makes the characters very human and loveable. Your a good writer and I would love to read more
GBF: Thanks. I'd love you to read more too!
Apr 2005
i must have already read this once since there was no score box...i'm sure i gave it a ten
GBF: Can't find fault with that! :-)
Apr 2005
[Blank]
GBF: Why are threes always blank and anonymous? :-)
Apr 2005
Your website and stroies are becoming an addiction. I try to stop reading the stories but always end up reading "Just one More." IMHO this is how erotica is supposed to be written.
Thanks for the great story. Now back to work for me.
GBF: Welcome to the vortex! Thanks for the kind words.
Mar 2005
Has the makings of a good story. Lots of possibles for the plot. Could even fill in a lot of the intervening years.
I do like the style of this story and hope you continue with more.
Mar 2005
I love the way your characters talk. They have such spark and life, I wish I knew them. That's what I like about your stories. When it would be so easy to just skip the verbal banter and go directly to the bed.
Which is why it is so odd that the "issue"
GBF: You're making far too much of this, you know. It's just a story! :-)
Oh, and thank you very much!
Hey, WHAT other girl?
---
And NOW I find your email address doesn't exist! :-)
Mar 2005
Hey I love your stories, they are great and you are very talented.
GBF: Thank you very much.
Mar 2005
Wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!!
GBF: Just like the feedback
Mar 2005
The Quiz,
The Shower,
The Swap,
Next Time
and Twas the Night
are
GBF: More? Well, so long as I hear back! :-)
Mar 2005
I really do like this story even I got really confussed at the being of chapter 2 but when it all came out it is a really good story.
GBF: Sorry for the confusion. Hope it was worth it.
Mar 2005
I loved it, part one was good but two was better, I like their "innocences" and "feaver"
Mar 2005
great romantic little bit of fluff. Perfect
GBF: Fluff? FLUFF? Waddaya mean, fluff? :-)
Feb 2005
I like some types of sex videos... I like sex stories better; but a sexy, romantic story is best & yours are outstanding. I can really feel this one.
GBF: Wow, thanks!
Feb 2005
just my style , thankyou
GBF: Oh, good.
Feb 2005
After reading part one I just had to see how it turned out. So on to part two I went. A really great story that I can relate to, as I am a hopeless romantic. Having been there, done that, I am glad it turned out so well. A shame real life cannot always en
GBF: Thanks for all of that. Sometimes real life works this way!
Feb 2005
Poor SOL stories have the boy/gir get girl/boy theme and that's it.
Better stories like yours follow the classic story line, boy gets gir, boy looses girl, boy gets girl. Though the story was well written, I felt the 'boy looses girl' middle was a bit
GBF: Well thanks, I think.
Feb 2005
This is wonderful, so real, so sexy. I like it....
GBF: Wow, thanks. I'm so pleased you liked it.
Feb 2005
Nice and sweet, as in honey/syrup. I'm a romantic and you plucked my strings with this one. Please continue.
Feb 2005
Lovely story - sweet, sexy and fun
GBF: Thanks. Read more! :-)
Feb 2005
Nice and definitely want to read the next part. But Iwould have liked a bit more at the end about the 'boy loses girl' part (certainly more than one paragraph, but hopefully it's in parttwo:-)
GBF: Move along, move along...
Feb 2005
Once again...
A Very Nice afternoon story.....
Just the thing to perk up a slow afternoon at work~
hehehe
GBF: Hmmm... :-)
Feb 2005
Terrific story, well written, erotic and delightful. I scored it a ten, and I don't often do that.
GBF: Thanks. Wish you'd told me who you were, and I could thank you better.
Feb 2005
Very good, I enjoyed this story.
Romantic, empathetic. I think, young people feel like Josh and Sam.
Thank you for the story
GBF: I enjoyed making it available. Thanks for the nice words.
Feb 2005
Frustration Rules!! No link to Part 2, an I 'm chewing my nails
GBF: There's a link there, right at the end of the story, silly. God, I hope you recovered!
Feb 2005
Hey -- that's great!
After reading several so-so stories here, I'd about given up on seeing anything with believable dialogue, real situations, real-life complications. Thanks a lot!
Feb 2005
I can't _believe_ that I missed this when you put it out originally. This is your trademark style at its best. Excellent, hot-and-bothered scene with Sam, wonderful description of the young, apprehensive lovers. You go, guy.
GBF: Well, belated thanks then.
Feb 2005
This needs a Part 3. They should get married. "Make it so."
More excellent writing, and thank you for sharing it with us (well, me at least) in the appreciative audience. The sequence of apologies was nice, and the way in which they talked their way
GBF: Thanks for the kind words, and the appreciation, and the encouragement.
And no.
:-)
Feb 2005
i think theyre great. tell that to lisa 4 me, alright? thanx ^-^
GBF: Thanks again
Feb 2005
Excellent*, great little story. I know that dialogue is hard to write, but you did a superb job on this one.
9.5/10 from me.
GBF: Thanks.
Feb 2005
i liked the storyline...the 10yr gap was not thrown in smoothly though..it might appeal to some if Josh was able to watch his sister and Linda...and maybe get involved in a 3 some...I know I would find it highly erotic
GBF: Ah, so when you say 'some', you mean 'me'? :-)
Feb 2005
I'm confused about the animosity between the brother and sister, other than that, I thouroughly liked it.
I don't know where it's heading but I'm sure Josh and at least one girl (maybe more) are going to be happy in the end.
Now, on to part two.
GBF: Don't you have a sister? :-)
Jan 2005
Nice little tale. Quite believable, really. Typical little sister, teens spooked by their own actions... somewhat too close to my own childhood (without a happy ending).
The ending stands on its own. As Heinlein said (in Number of the Beast, IIRC),
GBF: I never left! Thanks.
Jan 2005
Great. Like the dialogue approach..
GBF: That's why it's called 'oral' sex! :-)
Jan 2005
Delightful but sad. They missed so many years of mutual, wonderful Love. When Chapter Three?
GBF: Huh? It's finished! :-)
Jan 2005
Damn it, you made me cry! And, that's just fine.
GBF: Oh, I'm sorry. I hope you got to smile as well.
Jan 2005
I've lived a VERY simular situation. I wish it were still going on so please continue the story.
GBF: What's all this 'continue' talk?
Jan 2005
AWWWW...How sweet...
GBF: Awwww... So are you!
Jan 2005
I really enjoy these good old love stories.
Thanks
SO
GBF: I do too!
Jan 2005
A WONDERFUL, BEUTIFUL, WELL THOUGHT OUT, WELL WRITTEN STORY APPRECEITATED BY AN 80 YEAR OLD MALE.
GBF: Well thanks. I'm sure getting a range here today.
Jan 2005
Definitely appreciate the sense of romance. Your stories make me wish I was in them
GBF: Romance? Where did you see that? :-)
Jan 2005
Lovely story! I enjoyed it.
Jan 2005
Subject story was somewhat sexy, and very romantic and sweet. Thank you. I enjoyed it.
Jan 2005
fabulous, fabulous story dude! it's perhaps one of the best pieces of erotica i've ever read :)
u've got talent!!
GBF: Well, thanks. Pity you don't have an email address, or I'd tell you so.
Jan 2005
Wow, that was the sweetest and most gently erotic story I have ever read! I like your romantic style, you should write more of it. Of course, the naughtier stuff is good too!
GBF: Thanks. You're sweet too!
Jan 2005
Another fine story, my friend. Excellent dialog and well written plot.
I'm really enjoying reading your work.
GBF: Thanks.
Jan 2005
Great story. Like all of your prose, the descriptions were vivid and overflowing. I really felt like I was experiencing this story, not just reading it.
Very, very enjoyable. Thanks for writing this.
GBF: Thanks for reading it!
Jan 2005
I was also bothered by the ten years -- my only complaint, btw. I'm also a little biased, as I just turned 18 a few days ago myself. I'd hate to have something like that happen and have to wait ten years, even if it was worth it!
GBF: I can understand how this would be distressing!
Jan 2005
I don't know if I was tired or what the problem was, but I just didn't get the conversation with the 3 girls at the beginning. The rest of the story went fine. I re-read the beginning the next morning and had no problem with it.
Now, the story - I'm
GBF: Well, you are the second person to tell me about that, and my editors were thoroughly quizzed :-) as to whether it made sense. In the end we decided to go ahead. I'm glad I made up for it later.
Jan 2005
Delightfully romantic! Loved the time lapse sequence and intrigue!
Jan 2005
If you knew my advanced age you would giggle and disbelieve. I liked the story and you do write well.
GBF: I doubt it. You should have told me, and let me see.
Jan 2005
Great story, I like romance.
Jan 2005
Beautiful!!
Jan 2005
Nice story,well written.
Keep them coming.
Jan 2005
As usual - [I think I've written you at least twice, now three times, saying the same thing.] - You get me hooked on your people and then bang, it's over.
You always leave me wanting more - are you an entertainer?
GBF: Sorry you feel that way. I'll do better next time! :-)
Jan 2005
[blank]
GBF: Three? Hey, how about telling me why?
Jan 2005
A excellent story, very romantic. But I guess it was the flow that made it a good read. It was almost like listening in on someones life, except for radio 2 playing in the background.
Well done
Jan 2005
Very nice story. I love the whole premise of it.
I know I've said this in the past to you, but your dialog needs some more detail...
GBF: Thanks for that. I'm aware of the issue, and I'll do better next time.
Jan 2005
I really liked this. You got the dialog just right. Enough circumlocutions to make it sound almost real, yet enough straight talking between the sexes to make me _almost_ sure it's pure fantasy. Well done! I've been in a similiar situation, and any conv
GBF: Well, thanks for those nice comments.
Jan 2005
Transition in time was jarring. Explanation by Sam (also why did he try and apologize?) weak. Not terribly descriptive. Could have resolved it without time jump.
Nevertheless I liked it.
GBF: Well, sorry you had so much trouble. Thanks for hanging in there. I'll do better next time!
Jan 2005
God Gentle........I'm hard as a rock. Where do you keep coming up with these scenarios? And the writing and descriptions are so right on. Easily a 10. You keep getting sexier and sexier. I'm going to visit you before my next encounter with my wife.......s
GBF: What, so now I'm a preparatory ritual? Hmmm... :-)
Jan 2005
great storie..loved it
Jan 2005
Hey,this is for part one as well as two!! Great story.You are the best when it cums to stories.Thanks a lot for sharing with all of your fans.me being your number one fan!!
GBF: Thanks. You're great!
Jan 2005
I think you wasted a very good story in order to stay short, you give two short views ten years apart and do nothing to explain the actions of your characters. I don't dislike your story but I am disappointed that you didn't develop your characters bette
GBF: Thanks for the opinion. It needed to be this short, in my opinion. Oh well... :-)
As for 'more', sixty stories isn't sufficient?? :-)
Jan 2005
I vote with the one who eagerly awaits the next 35 chapters.
exceptionally well done!!
GBF: Thanks. Oh, and no! :-)
Jan 2005
Read both part 1 & 2 and found them very unique but sexy.
Again you had good dialog between all characters - one of your prime writting attributes.
GBF: Aww, thanks .
Jan 2005
Read both part 1 & 2 and found them very unique but sexy. Like in part 1, I never-ever thought of sex with a female wearing panties.
GBF: Narrow minded, are you?
Jan 2005
Well, you've done it again. You've written a story about people that we just have to care about. It's kind of like eating snacks, I can't stop. I never want the story to end.
GBF: It's ALREADY ended, sorry!
Jan 2005
What more could anyone want? A very convincing story, with very convincing characters.
Jan 2005
A nice and easy Christmas read. Enjoyed!
GBF: I already posted my Christmas story. Think of this as New Year!
Jan 2005
A really warming love story; more please!
Jan 2005
Good story. Keep up the good writing.
Jan 2005
I enjoyed the story. Slow, tender, thoughtful.
Well done.
Jan 2005
I hope this isn't the only chapter. Lots of possibilities to expand with.
I really like the way you write the dialogue in this one. I've read some of your other stories and like your writing and ideas. IMHO you are very talented.
GBF: There are two chapters... Which one were you reading? :-)
Jan 2005
if you "really, really want to know" - it sucks!
that sounds cruel but i read these stories to get wet too. If i just wanted a story i'd read a book, lol. sorry for being so honest but u asked.
GBF: Thanks for the honesty. Sorry you feel that way.
Jan 2005
outstanding!
Jan 2005
This is Excellent! 10 out of 10!
Once again, great characters, with believable actions. The dialog works very well.
The sensual and sexual scenes are supurb!
Thanks for sharing this!
GBF: Oh, it was worth it then. Thanks, as always.
Jan 2005
Very much enjoyed this little tale, especially because it avoids the over-the-top unrealism of most stories. And it's well written. And perhaps, too, because the first chapter reminds me of a similar incident from my own teen years (sadly without the se
GBF: Tell all!
Jan 2005
You want words do you? Should they be in a special order also? Like, good story, romantic, i liked it one very much, please go on writing etc.
GBF: Well, you didn't have to be THAT nice! :-)
Jan 2005
Your story deserved better. I agree with critics. Remember, the Reader is always in trouble and it is the Writer's job to throw him a lifeline. (Do you write for an audience of one--you--or for the Reader?) Learn!
GBF: No offence intended, but what in hell are you talking about?
Further discussion cleared this up, I think... :-)
Dec 2004
"A most enjoyable story," he says, genuflecting before the author.
GBF: Get up off your knees, man! And thanks.
Dec 2004
"what it does for..." me?
It makes me want the other 25 chapters. Its makes me want to make the characters a part of my life (well, for the next few months anyway.) It makes me want to know just who will lead as this relationship continues. It makes m
GBF: Oh boy... You might be in for a disappointment. Two parts. Count 'em. No more.
Dec 2004
...but let me tell you why this story is a 10 in my book. You have a good story line and great characters, and those are the most important factors. I like principle characters I can like and identify with and that I would like to spend time with, or wome
GBF: Thanks. That means a lot.
Dec 2004
A short story. Hmm. Normally, I don't like them ... So, very cool, man. Very.
GBF: Sorry to snip out so much, but you can't give the story away!
Dec 2004
An interesting beginning but I am having difficulty understanding the level of animosity between the two. My sister and I traded verbal jabs but the didn't reach this level
GBF: You never met my sisters, obviously!
Dec 2004
another great story. your stories are always gentle,but complete. nothing vulgar here but just as well told as any erotic story i've read.
Dec 2004
Awwwwwww! That was so sweet and sexy! I loved it!
GBF: Thanks. So are you! :-)
Dec 2004
Awwwwwww.
GBF: Hee hee.
Dec 2004
Cute story. I liked it. :)
Dec 2004
Enjoyed it, although I'm partial to young rom. in the vein of Frank Downey anyway. ... All and all, I gave it a resounding 10! Keep pen in hand, or keyboard if appropriate.
GBF: Frank has an edge on me, I'm afraid, but thanks.
Dec 2004
Excellent and just enough to make you use your OWN imagination. Who likes a story that reads like an OB/gyn Exam?
3sheets
GBF: Aw, shucks, thanks. 3sheets? :-)
Dec 2004
Excellent story. It could use a part 3 ...
GBF: Nope.
Dec 2004
Excellent story. This says that you CAN go back again. My favorite stories always have romance at the foundation and this one is solid as well as having a believable plot line. Many tales start out that way but by the end I'm usually going "Ya, right,
GBF: Thanks a lot. I tried hard. Pleased it worked.
Dec 2004
Excellent, sugary sweet, but true to reality.
Most of us have found ourselves in the joyous state of waking totally complete, but alone and wondering. The times when the relationship blossumed while they were still there was great.
Good writing to ge
GBF: Thanks.
Dec 2004
Funny Story, Heartwarming. Fast dialogue, wisecracks at the right points. Short-Story pattern almost held all through, that's difficult to do, good Job.
I enjoyed the reading, ty for the writing :-)
Dec 2004
Gently and Firmly,
You've done it again - a bit of writing that's as close to perfect as anything I've ever read. Sure it's romantic, but that's no fault. It's erotic, but that's what life is about. I'm giving it a 10 but only because there's nothing h
GBF: Wow, as the first recorded feedback, that takes some beating. Many thanks.
Dec 2004
Girls were like that, running hot and cold. Usually it took a couple drinks or a full moon or even s sexy story or movie. You never knew.
GBF: Huh? Hey, maybe it was you? :-)
Dec 2004
Great story. I want to see what happens next.
GBF: Read, boy. Read! :-)
Dec 2004
Great...a truly addictive read....your work is wonderful...like comfort food.
GBF: Time to eat? :-)
Dec 2004
I like the way this story starts. Hope you continue it.
GBF: Ummm... I finished it! :-)
Dec 2004
I really enjoyed the story!
However, the dialog often got me confused - especially with Sis, Sarah, Sam, Sammantha!
GBF: I get comments like this from time to time. Sorry you had trouble. I'm also sorry that I'm not changing it... :-)
I don't think I'm making you work too hard to figure it out, and my test audience didn't have a problem...
Dec 2004
I was very surprised. I enjoyed the first one but felt so sorry ... A great story that I enjoyed, thanks for sharing it with us.
GBF: Sorry, but I had to bleep out some, in case you give it away.
Dec 2004
I'm a romantic, too. I loved this story.
Dec 2004
Like your style....From me, that is a LARGE compliment. THANKS, please keep on keepin on.
GBF: Sounds like a fair exchange.
Dec 2004
Likeable story. A couple of things you might want to change:
...
GBF: Damn it! I've lost count of how many times I checked that!
Fixed on both ASSTR and SOL, next time it all cycles.
Thanks John
Dec 2004
Lol I hate scores. Try to put a number on quality.... NOT! if I like it I read more from that author. If not, I don't. Putting a score number on someone's work when I can't do anything near that good feels like sour grapes to me.
Thanks for a littl
GBF: Well, I have to admit to LIKING scores, but I try not to focus on them...
Dec 2004
Loved the story, but it was a little short. Maybe we could persuade you to write a sequel? Maybe the night before the their wedding or something, where she tells why she distanced herself from him at the start?
GBF: No, no, no. It's finished! :-)
Dec 2004
OK, I liked the story a lot. I'm a romantic and its my kind of story. I would like to see more of this kind of story, but no one feels obliged to do it, and the majority in this forum are probably not romantics. However, I assume you write for yourself
GBF: I've got another sixty stories on here in at least a vaguely similar vein. Try some of those.
Dec 2004
okay this is my take on this.Abby should eat shit and die / sam is going to find the love of her life in the brother/ sis ends up getting gangbanged and learns her lesson and get into sam
GBF: You're sick. You also need to read the other chapter.
Dec 2004
One of the best short stories I've read on Storiesonline.net.
GBF: That's a sizable compliment. Thanks.
Dec 2004
Overall a good start; however the current ending is too dark, somehow too much confused teenager stuff, to dumb to ask, to living inside their head, etc. This ending just doesn't seem right - considering how the story started. But then it is only the firs
GBF: The real ending isn't dark. Read on!
Dec 2004
Reallly a sexy ending. Would love to have been there.
GBF: Wouldn't we all!
Dec 2004
Really hot! was surprised that the first time didn't develop, but the suspense helped. could be made into a nice, long, hot, enjoyable tale....
GBF: No, it's long enough now!
Dec 2004
Received your e-mail and read your new story. I have only one thing to say. IT'S GREAT!!!
GBF: Whew!
Dec 2004
so far nothing... it's got promise but brother caspar milquetoast doesn't engender much confidence and I'd probably piss in sisters bed or put itching powder in her underware every night...
GBF: My God, you need some happy pills!
Dec 2004
thank you!
:)
Dec 2004
Thanks, sweet story. I like romantic.
GBF: Good!
Dec 2004
That was a great story. I love reading the things you write. This has got to be one of my faves. Thank you.
GBF: Oh, thanks.
Dec 2004
That's a nice finish to a good beginning.
Congrats!
As always, thanks for sharing.
GBF: That was quick. I haven't posted your comment from the first chapter yet!
Dec 2004
The only complaint that I have is the ten year jump between chapters one and two. I would have put in a little bit more detail so that the reader would be aware of what happened in that time. Overall an excellent story which could have easily been made l
GBF: Thanks. Anyone else have trouble with the ten years?
Dec 2004
This is a really light-hearted piece of work.
Makes me feel nice after reading it.
Nice, as in heart warming and fuzzy feeling. Like hot chocolate with marshmallow on a cold winter day :-)
GBF: Feeling nice is good!
Dec 2004
This is an excellent start to a story! Not a "they fucked real quick, and then blew each other off", but a start that has a real potential to grow!
It's been well written so far, and I very much look forward to your continuation.
GBF: Hopefully the second part will be there by the time you read this!
Dec 2004
This was a well crafted story, with a couple of nice surprises. I wasn't reading this to proofread it, but sometimes stuff just jumps out at me. Nothing jumped this time.
Dec 2004
Very good story. I would like a little more on the past ten years with some of the disappointment they have had, how the siblings became friends and what happens in the future. With the doubt expressed at the end some fallout had to occur.
GBF: Thanks. Don't be so pessimistic. They became friends because they grew up! The future? Regular bonking, great fun, and kids. There ya go! :-)
Dec 2004
Very nice. Believable. Well told. Hot. Thanks.
Dec 2004
very sweet....and cute, very nice, well to read, like remembering something from my own past.
GBF: You got a story to tell me?
Dec 2004
Well Done!!
I really liked how in places you could tell what was happening just from the dialog.
A sweet story, predictable ending of course, but getting there was all the fun!
Thanks for a great read,
GBF: Oh, thanks. Pleased that it worked!
Dec 2004
Wow! Great story. Can't think of a thing to change. Caring characters, a happy ending, no mistakes that I saw.
Really excellent, and hot too.
GBF: Thanks Dana
Dec 2004
You wanted words? How about: "Really nice gentle but firm story!"
I enjoyed it thoroughly.
GBF: Just what I was after!