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I had
vaguely heard about
limits
lists
right back when my husband
and I first became involved in the BDSM
scene. Neither of us had ever used them
prior to this and, from what I'd heard
about them, there didn't seem to be any
point to them insofar as our own play
went. Our BDSM games with each other had
evolved slowly over the years and one of
the features I'd always liked most about
them was the way the games were usually
improvised.
When I
first witnessed two people we know trying
to negotiate a list of limits for each
other I could help but think
boring!
Sure, I
understood the possible dangers and
disinterest that could have arisen between
these two people (who hadn't played with
each other before) but it all looked so
academic
and arbitary
that I couldn't begin to see any fun being
had in creating one of these lists for
me.
The
first time I was forced to give any
serious thought to creating a list of my
own came a number of years ago after
joining an online
humiliation
role-playing
group. The group, based loosely on the
Teacher/student scenerio, required all new
members such as myself to create a limits
list for the benefit of the
Teacher
and any other
dominants in the group who might have been
interested in setting tasks and challenges
for me.
I was
directed to one of the many sources for an
online limits checklist (
EXAMPLE
) with the task
of filling out the checklist and sending
it back to the group. It might have been a
fun exercise in itself except the list was
filled with so many things that didn't
interest me in the slightest I found it
difficult to concentrate and give any
thought to the things that did interest
me. But I dutifully completed it and did
as I was told.
The
problem I soon discovered once I started
playing in the group was my responses in
this "yes/no/maybe" type of structure
simply didn't allow enough latitude for
improvisation or, if they did, the games
still managed to drift into places I
wasn't interested in going. It was an
interesting exercise but one that
ultimately put me off limits lists
completely.
This all
changed in mid-2002 when my husband gave
me away to a dominant couple of friends
for the purposes of
slave
training
(a story in itself) I'd
already played frequently with this couple
and a limits list had never been
discussed. However, once it became clear
that this slave training was to be serious
business, the subject of limits was raised
again.
Naturally, being the kind
of person I am, I wanted to leave all such
details for my husband to sort out. I
trusted him to create the list based on
what he knew of me but alas, I wasn't
permitted to escape so easily. I made it
clear that I found making such lists very
tedious and unrewarding and we did begin
with the standard sort of limits checklist
but this was quickly abandoned in favor of
a different approach.
Because
it was clear there were many things on the
standard type of a limits list that none
of us involved with my training were
interested in, my training master created
a number of two lists: a
Top
Pleasures
list and a
Bottom
Pleasures
list.
Essentially the
Top Pleasures
(see below) list was
loosely based on the standard limits list
however, rather than being sorted
alphabetically by activity the activities
were arranged and sorted according to type
(bondage, discipline, humiliation,
role-playing, etc.) My training master,
together with his wife and my husband, got
together and complied this list of all the
BDSM activities they stated they would
enjoy playing with me. My task was to go
through their list and strike from it only
the things I
defintely would
not
do. The resulting list
then became something they could refer to
at any time to select areas of play in
which they wanted to engage me, whether
for the purposes of their pleasure or my
punishment.
The
Bottom
Pleasures
list was entirely of my
own creation. Its purpose was to give my
training masters a guide of all the things
I would really enjoy as
rewards
for those times
when I'd surrendered and allowed them to
have their fun with me using their
Top
Pleasures
list. This list wasn't
strictly a BDSM activity list and it
included many non-kink things like simply
going to the movies or candle lit dinners
and so on. My trainers and husband had the
opportunity to strike things from my list
if they felt anything on it wouldn't
interest them, but in the end my list
stood without alteration.
All in
all, approaching BDSM play using these two
types of lists proved to be highly
satisfying for all concerned. It should be
mentioned that there's many things on this
list that are either untried or right out
there on the edge of my limits but through
it I was able to be initiated into areas
of play I might not have agreed to if just
the standard limits list had been used as
a guide. There was still much scope for
improvising within the guidelines we all
agreed to use and as an added bonus,
sorting the list like this allowed for
random outcome generators such as the
Serendipty
Dice
to be used for
play.
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