This short story is an entry in the 2002 Soc.Sexuality.Spanking Summer Short Story Contest and is copyright by the author and commercial use is prohibited without permission. Personal/private copies are permitted only if complete including the copyright notice. The author would appreciate your comments
Category: Parody/Poetry
Orthodoxymoron
By
Tasha <halfhisage@earthlink.net>
There strict, those Brits. Me and Haron stood in the headmaster's office, each one rubbing our bums, unable to excape, unable to even really hope we would have been spared. Theirs no way to allude that cane.
On account of the fact that I have OCD disorder, her and I left early to use the ATM machine, but it wouldn't except my PIN number. I aksed her if she could loan me some money. I didn't need alot, but she said she couldn't, irregardless of how much I needed it. But that was just the tip of the iceberg which broke the camel's back. And quite on accident. I figured I'd write a story about her entitled Fare Weather Friend's.
Haron wanted too stop at Starbuck's. It was 3 days ago since I wouldn't've drank coffee. The expresso was just what I would need to awaken me up, even if it usually always effected me real bad and made me nauseous.
I knew I should of left even earlier, and if I could of, I would of. So I just laid my head down on my desk and tried to listen. Far be it for me to complain. Regrettably, just between us girls, I'm kind of unique in that I'm adverse to the affects of caffeine and it hit me hardly. It's one thing to be a little nervous, but it's a whole nother thing to freak out in class like your going mental or something. So we got sent to go to Mr Marks.
"You're verbs are in a bad mood today," Haron whispered outside the door to me.
From this I implied that she was inferring that I was gonna get it. "Yeah, well, I'm in a bad mood two."
Haron nodded yes. "So'm I."
"Us girls gotta stick together. Let's blame it on the coffee."
"And let's reek some havoc!"
So we barged in with wreckless abandon.
"Whose in charge here?" I demanded.
"You got alot of nerve," said the headmaster. "Someone should get ahold of you and teach you to talk good."
"She's trying to diligently focus on her work," said Haron in my defense.
"And you're infinitives are splitsville," Mr Marks said, turning to face her face-to-face.
"Actually," she said. "The actual infinitive is the verb and 'to' is just a preposition. Your splitting nothing."
He stared at her. "I am completely disinterested in your opinion," he told her.
"Look, Haron and myself have been studying real hard and we're tired."
"You better not have any allusions about me being lenient. After I give you your just desserts, I don't think you'll be sitting for the foreseeable future."
We knew it would be as bad or worse than we could handle.
"The traditionally orthodox school cane is one of the best, if not the best way to reform a young ladies behavior.
Clearly he was chomping at the bit to get his hands on us. But that goes without saying. And to the manor born, woe were we.
The End
© Copyright Summer, 2002
Reviews
Tami <tamishy(at)webtv(dot)net>
Why do I get the feeling these two reek havoc no matter where they go. A cute story following teenage girls around as they rule the world and then pay for it in the end. Well done.
Simon <srb(at)imrryr(dot)demon(dot)co(dot)uk>
I wood never of beleived you could make such a humerus tail simply out of grandma and speling errors. I was also quite impressed to discover that we had a story submitted by George W Bush's speech writer. This marvellous barrage of cunningly crafted mistakes had me laughing out loud as I read it. A very original idea and superbly executed. The kind of thing to make even the strongest English teacher break down and cry !
Dyke Grrl <dyke.grrl(at)verizon(dot)net>
Once I caught on that the errors were intentional, this story was fairly amusing. That is, once I could get past the grating effect of all the misspellings, confusions of homonyms, and oddly-used cliches. For a story that was intended to be a truly bratty parody of the traditional school story, this is effective. I'm not even a top, and I could see myself happily bending the author over a desk... <G> The story is lively and traditional, with the twist of being written in a way that shows the author is more of a brat than the protagonists.
Sarah Nada <circler73(at)hotmail(dot)com>
There should really be a law against writing anything this funny. By the end of the story I had a stitch in my side from laughing so hard, and if it had gone on for another few lines I might have fallen over and required the other kind of stitches. Hmmph.
That said, Orthdoxymoron is an excellent parody. It features a lovable cast of characters, written with wreckless abandon. I think I'll go read it again.