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The
Story Of Steve
It's
easy for me to pinpoint the exact time
when Steve, the maintenance man where I
work, was first considered as a potential
play partner for me. June 30, 2000. My
husband and I had been in the BDSM scene
for approximately four months and he
organized a large party for that night at
our home. I was still thoroughly new to
everything, but I had met a lot of people
and already considered many of them to be
among the closest friends I had ever had.
It was to be a costume party - a pirate
theme - something my husband and I both
share as a fantasy theme.
I don't
know about other people when they first
start "coming out" but for me I was so
excited about everything it took a
deliberate and conscious effort not to
accidentally let slip details about my
new-found interest around people outside
of the scene. Even so, I recall a number
of times at work where I must have said
something or reacted to some conversation
that raised a few eyebrows. Not everybody,
of course. They weren't glaringly obvious
signs from me, but from the start I got
the impression that Steve suspected
something was different about me.
I'd
worked with him for about two years before
this and we actually got along together as
friends really well. Nobody else I worked
with cared much for him and most regarded
him as a sexist, vulgar oaf. But he had a
sense of humor that appealed to me -
appealed mostly because it was so
politically incorrect. Steve often used to
hang around my office late in the day and
tell me all about his marital woes (his
messy divorce which saw him bankrupted by
his ex-wife) and other often highly
personal stories about himself. I don't
think I ever deliberately led him on and
even if I did, I didn't mind his
company.
My
husband knew all about Steve and found our
little "relationship" highly amusing.
Before we even had anything to do with the
BDSM scene my husband used to invoke
Steve's name during our fantasy pillow
talk and, reluctantly at first, I enjoyed
hearing my husband tell me about all the
perverted ways he imagined Steve molesting
me in those intimate moments we shared
after work in my office. Of course, my
husband's only reason for bringing Steve
into our relationship like this was so
that he had an excuse to spank and punish
me - something I enjoyed thoroughly,
especially when my husband encouraged me
to imagine it was Steve dishing out my
punishments.
After
six or months of us acting out these
fantasies privately, and with the party
coming up, my husband and I talked about
inviting Steve (and another woman I worked
with who I believed would have enjoyed
getting into the scene) In fact, we talked
a lot about Steve including ways that my
husband's weird friends might be explained
away as being simply theatrical people he
worked with, assuming we were to invite
Steve and things didn't work out. In the
end we did invite Catherine and she had a
good time, albeit by getting so drunk she
didn't even realize many of the kink
costumes she saw that night were in fact
common attire for our guests. She also got
right into the mood of the party and
spanked one of the submissive men present
- a story in itself, but I'm getting off
the point. Enough to say we didn't invite
Steve but the seed was firmly planted for
me to wish he had been.
That was
mid-2000 and what happened after that was
I began to make Steve and my fantasies
about him a cornerstone of the stories I
started to write around this time. As the
months passed I also began adding two
other men - associates of Steve's - into
my fantasies both in online and in the
private fantasy sessions with my husband.
Often my fantasies would spring forth from
ideas generated by my husband. I felt very
guilty in these early days about the
fantasies I was having and which I enjoyed
so immensely and it was a long time before
I could speak even half-openly with my
husband about the full depths of my
desires. Writing about these online became
an outlet and allowed me to explore myself
in ways I'd never done before.
I think
it was around Christmas 2000 or early into
2001 when I first met Mike Jones online.
It might have been through a group my
husband used to operate back then
(Perverts@Play) and he'd written privately
after seeing pictures my husband had
taken. Incidentally, the pictures I refer
to as the second Polaroid set (of me in
wooden stocks) were taken at the Pirate
Party in June, 2000, and by the time I met
Mike there was maybe another six or 7 sets
of digital photos in the collection.
Whatever the case, I first met Mike Jones
sometime around 2000/2001.
At this
stage I still didn't really have any clear
cut ideas about what exactly I found most
arousing. I don't have any copies of
things I wrote back then, but Steve was
probably only mentioned in passing and I
was writing a lot about all sorts of
things back then. Mike sort of drifted in
and out of my online life back then with
me inviting him to participate in my first
online group started sometime in early
2001. I don't even remember what this
first group was called because I as
constantly changing the name in search of
something really appealing to me, and as I
said, I was still so new at everything I
didn't know what I was looking for.
At some
stage though the group became Basement
Captivity and I poured a lot of time and
energy into making it a success. It was
from this time forward that I really
started to get involved in manipulating
all the pictures taken of me, often
cropping and pasting them into fantasy
storyboards or using them to accompany
kinky stories I'd write about myself. A
number of friendships grew out of that
first incarnation of Basement Captivity,
but as was always the case right up until
recently, I always tried to keep a
distance between the real me and men who'd
try and get closer than I wanted them to
get. I would hide behind my bookgirl
persona, not out of any sense of wanting
to deceive anybody, but simply so that I
could reinforce my own fantasies without
having reality burst in on my thoughts.
For the six or so months following the
main reason for closing groups was the
fact people would try overstepping that
line between fantasy and reality which I
had set down and rather than shatter
anybody's illusion by honestly answering
any intimate questions asked of me, I'd
simply vanish for a while and then
reinvent myself in a new group.
Mike
Jones was actually the first person online
who I heard raise the idea of blackmail.
It was in the dying days of Basement
Captivity and he had made some kind of a
blackmail-like demand of one of the female
submissives in the group. My interest was
immediately piqued, particularly as my
husband had been talking in vague terms
about similar things around that very same
time. Synchronicity, perhaps. The group
closed, but Mike's idea had stuck in my
fantasies.
In late
2001, following an abortive attempt by my
husband to play an online blackmail with
one of his friends (using me as the bait),
I decided to see if I could invent my own
game to satisfy what was fast becoming a
compulsive urge. I thought about it
constantly for a couple of months and
eventually formulated a plan.
Steve
was the only person I could think of in
real life who I wanted to be "outed" to,
but I still had lots of reservations about
how this could be done safely and in a way
that I could handle. I kept thinking of
Mike and how he clearly was the type of
person who could be solicited to be the
one to play the connection role bridging
my online fantasies with the real world.
But I needed to get a sense of what I
could expect and so I invented a number of
fantasy characters, including my fantasy
characterization of Steve (who initially I
put forward as being my boss from work and
who I called Jeff) I'd written plenty of
fantasy stories by this stage and so it
was s simple matter of creating a
believable set of profiles to accompany
the email addresses I created to go along
with each character. By the time I got in
touch with Mike I think there was a "cast"
of maybe six or seven individuals, not all
of whom I planned to introduce at first.
Some were created simply as a back-up in
case things went wrong and I needed a way
to end the game cleanly without upsetting
Mike.
It was
probably the most interesting experience
I've ever had online. I no longer remember
the exact sequence of events as they
played out with Mike, but we got involved
in this game I had created and ultimately
he made secret approaches to my "boss,
Jeff". That is, he sent emails to an
account I had set up to pretend to be my
boss, Jeff. It was an eye-opener to see
just how far somebody might go if given
the opportunity and tools to really
blackmail somebody. Alas, Mike's
enthusiasm to see me truly humiliated got
the better of him and I couldn't help but
think if that game had have been real,
Mike would have ended up in jail such was
the craziness he rushed headlong
into.
But I
kept up the charade with Mike for about a
month, each day writing stories based on
things Mike was sending to my boss
character as well as demands he was making
of me. Unfortunately one of Mike's biggest
desires for me - one I could never turn
him away from - was to see me painfully
tortured in a lesbian scene. No matter how
many times I tried to explain all the
hundreds of BDSM things I would love to be
forced to do, he kept going back to things
I clearly had said I would never do - not
even if I was blackmailed!
Eventually, I think what
happened to end the game was that I wrote
myself into a corner with Mike. I was only
trying to please him, but I wrote about
all kinds of things like being tied up and
humiliated in public places and becoming
nothing short of the office sex slave to
everybody I worked with. I took everything
as far as I could possibly imagine, even
though it was by now so far removed from
my real desires I knew there wouldn't be a
chance in hell of my fantasies becoming
anything like that in reality.
I broke
things off fairly cleanly with Mike (using
another of the characters I'd created to
step in and rescue me from all the havoc
Mike had supposedly created in my work
life) and left things alone for a while.
But having now got a taste for the
blackmail fantasies I found myself drawn
back to try again, but this time in a more
public way.
The
reason for initially wanting to try my
game in public was I felt it would create
a bit more personal distance between me
and anybody who might be drawn into
playing. I didn't want a repeat of what I
felt almost happened with Mike whereby he
got too personally involved and thus set
up for a bigger fall than I felt any
reasonable person should be put through. I
don't recall where I first found the
address to HDOS but once there I felt
really excited about the prospect of
playing my blackmail game again.
It was a
completely different dynamic playing in a
group rather than in private as it had
been with Mike. I had by now also invented
a number of new methods for drawing out
the game - heightening the suspense, which
I love - so that the email address of my
intended real life blackmailer could be
extracted slowly from me. By now I had
Steve firmly in my sights as being the
real life person, but I still kept up my
fantasy character invention of him,
including an email address for him, to use
in the group. It was still an experiment
at this stage as far as I was concerned -
an experiment that didn't work out in the
end but alas one which I learned a lot
from. In many ways the same problem I had
with Mike reoccurred - I simply wrote
myself into a corner too quickly and left
myself nowhere to go. There was also the
complication of a number of real life
factors in the BDSM scene with my husband
and others which made it difficult to act
out the blackmail fantasy with my husband
and his friends - something which also had
been in my mind when I started the game
this second time.
I went
from HDOS pretty much straight back into a
private playing situation with a person
who I had known through an earlier group.
He was interested in my two failed
attempts to play my blackmail game and I
was by now almost obsessed with the idea
of making them a reality, but I still
needed to be convinced it could be done on
my terms - my terms being primarily
SLOWLY. I didn't want this fantasy which
by now I'd had for nearly two years now to
manifest itself so quickly in real life I
missed the chance to fully savor the
delight I felt would come by having it
made real. There was also the little
problem of my fantasy life online having
railroaded so far down the track I'd
virtually left my husband completely
behind and totally in the dark about what
I'd been up to.
Mr C
proved to be a wonderfully inventive,
intelligent man to play with. I was still
keeping everything in the fantasy realm at
this stage and simply resurrected my
characters of Steve and others to use with
Mr C. His was wickedly creative in the way
he made his approaches behind my back
which in turn became parts of an
operational detail I began to formulate so
as to really make things happen with
Steve. I wrote a lot of good fantasy with
Mr C but it had to end when I realized I
was getting so intimately close with him
that he deserved to be told the truth -
that everything had in fact been a game. I
hated doing it because it had the effect I
anticipated, which was to be instantly cut
from any association with him.
I next
did something I had never done with any
online friend or acquaintance. I invited
Mr C to join an online group my husband
had started for me (as part of what would
become my slave training) in the hope that
he and my husband might get together and
make many of the things we'd shared in
fantasy a reality. Alas, they exchanged a
few emails (after Mr C's curiosity finally
got the better of him and he accepted my
invitation) and then just drifted apart. I
was unable to do anything to change this
and to this day I regret the parting of
our ways, but such is life.
It was
late 2002 by now and I spent five months
busy with real life slave training. This
episode in my life is a story in itself
which will be saved for another time, so
I'll skip to December 2002 and the return
of Mike.
I got a
surprise email from Mike in which he told
me about finding a picture and fantasy
story about Steve - a story which I had
posted to an MSN group and carelessly
forgotten to remove before leaving the
group (after a short, uneventful stay)
Mike demanded to know what was going on.
It was the same game I'd played with him,
more or less, except instead of it being
my boss "Jeff" he was reading about Steve.
My slave training at this stage wasn't
going well and had all but grounded to a
halt due to everybody else's work
commitments. I was feeling rather strange
- unsatisfied, even, so I considered my
options. I could either tell Mike it was
all a game, which I actually did, but that
I really wanted to play it for real and
needed his help.
He was
suspicious of me and I already knew what
he was like behind the scenes and yet, I
don't know what possessed me to do it, but
I decided Mike would be the person to make
my fantasies a reality. In some ways I
guess I must have felt so guilty about
having deceived him that there wasn't
really a choice. It felt like I was giving
him permission to really "punish" me for
deceiving him.
I'll
have to save what happened next for a
separate chapter because it really
deserves to be told in its entirety and
the subsequent problems that I encountered
with Mike are the reason why I am here
where I am today - telling the whole
story.
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