© Copyright 1999-2011 by silli_artie@hotmail.com
This work may not be reposted or redistributed without the prior express written permission of the author.
A work of fiction, meant for adults. Read something else if you are not an adult, or are offended by stories with sexual content. Then
again, if all you’re looking for is in-out, in-out, in-out, you should probably read something else. I welcome constructive comments. Enjoy.
Ever wondered what goes on behind the scenes? Even if you haven’t, I’m going to tell you. Well, for some stories at least. Here you’ll find the story behind the story. Where did I get that idea? Is this for real? For the most part, this page is set up with links to the stories themselves. A lot of these comments won’t make a lot of sense unless you’ve read the actual story. Some refer to recurring themes in more than one piece. I’ll be adding to this aperiodically, meaning when I feel like it, or when someone prods me to do it -- want to know more about the “why” of a particular story? Bug me about it!
Special thanks go to those who read my stories, and especially to those who read them and let me know it! Even a simple “I liked it!” (telling me, please, which story you read) is greatly appreciated. Check out the Credits page for more on those who have helped greatly. The comments you see here are often the results of conversations (e-mails) I’ve had with readers. I like discussing writing. I’m amazed at what the characters do some times. I’m amazed at what they show me about myself.
As usual, your comments are more than welcome!
Last revised: 2011/01/17
Carpet Laid
I was stuck in traffic somewhere, and saw a guy carrying a roll of carpet into a new house. He was mid to late twenties, wearing a tank top, very well built. How can I turn that into a story?
That was the easy part. The idea for the story hatched, and I wrote it. Then I edited, and edited, and edited. The idea felt good, but you know what? The story stunk. It was written in third person. As an experiment, I split it in two, and wrote the story from the point of view of each of the main characters. I bounced back and forth between the two, and the characters developed as they interacted. I learned things about them I’d never known! I really like the way it turned out, and so have a lot of people.
I’ve used this technique with other stories, such as User Centered Design, and Touch Control. It worked better with that pair -- the characters really took life.
Mall Walkers
As with many stories of mine, this one has some real world content. I was recovering from surgery to reattach a ruptured achilles tendon. Ouch doesn’t even start! As part of rehabilitation, I’d drive over to The Great Mall of Milpitas (hack, spit) at lunch and walk around. It was good therapy, and left me plenty of time to watch people and to think. How can I turn this into a story?
So much for the real world content. As to recurring themes, this is about the earliest story that makes reference to a major personal loss, and grieving. Where did that come from? It took me a few years to figure that out, and even to consciously recognize it! Yet when I look back at the fiction I’ve written, it’s there, popping up in interesting places, such as this story.
Private Tasting
This was the first “long” story I wrote. It seems pretty short now, compared to the likes of Life Cycles of the Kaelen, Tales of the Golden Mule, and Growing Up With Beth.
The location -- it’s real. It’s mentioned by name in another story, smf. It’s the Stevenot Winery on Sheep Ranch Road outside Murphys in the California Gold Country. They have a tasting room in town these days, but still have the one on Sheep Ranch Road. A friend of mine has a house a few miles down the road from there. Alas, the rest of the story is fiction.
I received an email from a local resident who recognized (and liked) my description of the area -- he’s been looking for the tasting gal as well -- hasn’t found her yet. I wish him the best in his search.
This one is a reader favorite! A few people have remarked to me, especially considering my later stories, that they were surprised at Carol’s remarks indicating this was just a short fling. That was deliberate. I’ve had a second part planned for this story. The problem is I’ve got two second parts outlined for this story -- with different paths leading to the same end result. Remember the gal’s thoughts in Carpet Laid? She set out a trap, but her trap caught them both. That’s what happens to Carol in the second part (alas still unwritten) of Private Tasting.
Private Tasting was one of the first stories I published on a.s.s.m requesting review. I was a little disappointed by the review, but it was fair. I cleaned up some of the problems the reviewer had -- it’s not a witchcraft story, it’s a hypnosis story. Carol describing herself as a witch, as the story now clarifies, adds texture to her induction. I was surprised and very happy to see Celeste repeat the review of this story in her Halloween 1999 issue of Celestial Reviews.
Drip, Drip, Drip
A weird little piece. I was involved in an auto accident. I spent a number of hours drifting in and out of consciousness, not much able to move, some displays visible and blurred in my vision. Lots of pain -- physical and emotional -- how can I turn this experience around? This one got good reviews, and I like it. There’s another story that stemmed from the same incident, but it’s not even on the workbench. One reason is that it’s not complete. The other reason is it’s got a lot of deep emotional stuff in it, and I’m not sure about posting it. We’ll see. (Hint -- got an opinion?)
Beach Balls
I really like this one! It and another story came out of a trip to San Diego over Veteran’s day. I really enjoy juggling. The first paragraph came to me in a flash as I was juggling there on the beach. Kissing in the spa, circling around slowly as it started to rain, the storm caused blackout, and some of the sex described happened, as my wonderful wife and I enjoyed a few days in the condo in San Diego. Celeste likes this story as well, and put it on her Best list for February of 1998. Sorry, I can’t juggle five.
Road Trip
This is the other story that came out of our Veteran’s day trip to San Diego. I drove from the Bay area to San Diego and back. My wife flew -- I picked her up at the San Diego airport, and dropped her off there. I got to spend some time visiting friends on the way down and the way back. On the way back, I got a vibrating seat cushion for the car. It helped on the long drive. This story popped into my head while I should have been concentrating on the road. Oh well. There are other parts of me in the story as well. While I (voluntarily) drove to San Diego and back, I do not like driving in traffic. Commute traffic is very tough for me to take. This one also got good reviews.
Contest Weekend
I’m a ham radio operator, as is my best friend. No, I’m not going to tell you my callsign, other than it’s K6 something or other. Every year for Field Day we get together at another friend’s place outside Murphys. I drive up from the Bay area, he drives up from Los Angeles. We’ve known each other for a long time now. He’s been my best man twice, and I’ve done the honors for him once. If he ever stumbles across this story, he’ll probably shit. Well, maybe not. I still haven’t figured out how to “come out of the closet” to some of my friends.
Some things in this story are real. Using the crystal pendulum is one of those. (Another story involving a pendulum is in Family Therapy.) This is a very useful and very powerful technique. The little velvet bag is real, as is my habit of kissing it. So is the weight loss. I went through a period of foot problems, ending up with a ruptured achilles tendon, a battle with managed health care, surgery, and a long rehabilitation. Coupled with a very stressful work environment for a few years, and my weight ballooned and my health went to shit. Surgery was a wake-up call. I dropped weight and made quite a few other changes in my lifestyle. As I look back on that period, I realize that going back to writing fiction again was part of that set of changes.
Another thing in this story is that sense of loss expressed early on. We did lose a dog that year. Cecil had been our wonderful friend for over a decade, and can never be replaced. But there’s more to the loss than just that, or I at least see more looking back at it now. Once again, it’s interesting how the subconscious expresses itself through writing. Wiseguy and I are trying to show others that mind control stories don’t have to be evil.
Screen Saver
Another story with a story behind it. I actually did research into correlates of the human visual system. The Bela Julesz reference is real, and very good. So, what about the story? The story is complete fluff. I wrote it quickly, and recognized it as a fluff piece. The characters aren’t even two-dimensional. It was so unlike the rest of my writing (at the time) that I published it on the net (a.s.s.m and Simon’s MCstories site) from another email account.
Boy was I surprised when I started getting a lot of positive comments on it! Fluff is popular! Fluff is more popular than some of the stories I liked a whole lot better! Some wanted to know where to get the software. Sorry folks, it’s fiction!
But, the nature and number of comments I got caused me to reconsider what I was doing as a writer. I obviously felt good enough about the story to publish it in the first place. But I didn’t want to associate it with my “normal” writing? Get off it! Nothing wrong with writing fluff! I do have the outline for a second part for this one, but I’ve not gotten it off the ground. Oh well -- maybe someday. When I started my web pages, I decided to take “official” ownership of it, and had Simon move it to my list of stories as well.
Scene from a Writer at Work
The motto of this one is, don’t throw anything away. I’ve got scraps of writing. Some of the larger, better organized scraps end up on the Workbench, or The Department of Lost Souls. The smaller scraps stay on my confuser and backup disks. This one is what happens when two scraps collide. The opening scene is from a bushido-style story I was working on that never went anywhere. It collided with one of those stories-about-writing-stories, with a result I really like. Good reviews, as well!
How to Write a Sex Story
This started out as a rant sent to members of a private mailing list. It didn’t get the feedback I expected -- people liked it! I polished it some, and ended up posting it to a.s.s.m on April 1. It’s been reposted (both with and without permission) a number of places.
Good (sic) humor is hard to write. I think one of the hallmarks of my writing is the (sometimes wry) humor in it. This one has images that are gross and subtle at the same time, and I feel the writing advice is sound to boot. I thought the review could have been better.
An allied story is the essay The Aussies Want Me to Shoot the Dog. This essay is unfortunately true. I’m still waiting for the check.
(Postscript - the check arrived, I cashed it, and the money went to my therapist.)
User Centered Design and Touch Control
Another pair of stories, along the lines of the Carpet Laid pair. These (this?) started out similarly, as one story. I liked the premise, but didn’t like the prose. When I split this one up, magic things happened! The characters, especially the woman, took on vibrant lives of their own. Her rant about vibrators being better than men, and all the material dealing with Vivek, sprang out of her character. His character developed as well, although along softer lines. When I posted these, I didn’t specifically point out the other part of the pair. Oh, I do things with PICs in my spare time.
The Choice
This was an experiment. I had sort of an idea, but I wanted to use what I’d been studying. This story is an interpretation of mythic (Jungian) archetypes. That’s one of the reasons characters in it are drawn with broad brushes. Looking back on it a year later, I can see, as in all interpretations, the hand (and psyche) of the interpreter. I’ve been reading a lot of Jung, Winnicott, Campbell. Hey, maybe I should put up my reading list. Are you interested?
I think this is one of the strongest and best stories I’ve written. The reviews weren’t up to my expectations. While I haven’t gotten may comments on it (insert the usual author’s gripe here: we never get many comments, no matter how good it is), the comments I’ve gotten tell me I struck deep things in some readers. One reader was horrified I’d written a suicide story -- that’s how he’d interpreted it. Others saw the redemption and rebirth aspects. (And how indeed can you be reborn unless you first die?) Broad characterizations, strong images. I like it.
Some deep things surfaced in this one. To a certain extent, the opening foreshadows Growing Up With Beth.
Sanctuary
I get shit from some (well, comments from readers and some authors) that I can’t write "nasty" stories. All of mine are very west-coast, romantic, wonderful-to-the-n’th-degree, some complain. Well, I like them. This story was my response. If you’re surprised at my feeling this is a “nasty” story, look at it from a professional perspective: it’s the embodiment of betrayal, not only of others, but of professional ethics and standards. In spite of the lukewarm reviews, I like it. It’s got good images.
His Taste
What’s the typical (prototypical) Mind Control story? The evil (male) genius develops some incredible technique, and uses it to get the first big-chested girl he sees to suck him off. (Gee, there may be a story in that...) I dislike such stories. Not only because they’re usually poorly written (which they are), but because they bother me. They’ve bothered me for a while. Finally I figured out more just why they bother me. And then I figured out a response.
Surprise, surprise! Not only do I like it, but so do a lot of others, including Celeste. This is my first 10, 10, 10 story in a while (but hopefully not my last).
This one fits into the framework of the Duo series, which were written as short posts to an erotic hypnosis mailing list. Originally, they let me muse about the psychological and philosophical aspects of these things. The characters have developed, and have begun to take on lives of their own. As a writer, I love it when that happens!
Yoga is Life
Yoga is an important part of my life. The opening paragraph is based on something that happened. My wife and I were making love, and suddenly I realized how I was breathing, and what I was doing with my breathing -- using the yogic breath to relax deeper into the intensity of the sensations. This one has gone through a number of revisions, and it shows -- it’s uneven in parts. An early version went through the Erotic Writer’s Workshop -- I caught a lot of flak for “wonderful” and other west-coast-isms. In fact, some of those comments made it into the story, and helped develop the middle portion of the piece. I’ve been working on a sort of sequel, but it quickly took a fairly mystic turn, and currently is somewhat lost. I’m not sure where it’s going. If you’re interested, it’s on the workbench as Y2.
Family Therapy
This one gets a lot of feedback (well, as much or a little more than the rest, which still isn’t very damn much. What do you think? Have you dropped me, or any other author a note recently?). If I was to point to a story that’s the hallmark of my view of erotic hypnosis, this is it so far. It’s positive. The characters grow. People don’t get hurt, used, or abused. I’m in this story as a number of characters. The “Interlude” with the pendulum is real -- I’ve done that. The pendulum also appears in Contest Weekend. Look at Wiseguy’s stories if you like mine, and if you like this one.
People want to know, when will there be a sequel to (fill in the blank with your favorite). I’ve been working on a sort of sequel to this one, but the characters have taken over (new characters for the most part), and are at a point where they’re not sure where they’re going.
Life Cycle of the Kaelen
Sometimes the Muse delivers small packages, sometimes large ones. I’d been fishing on the Net for something, and stumbled across a very short story, little more than a single scene. A few days later, this thing started unrolling. I’ve got outlines for more than what’s posted, leading up to the main characters departing the planet. I still haven’t worked out some of the intermediate details; I need to do more research. (Know any good, available sources on creation myths of island cultures? Please let me know if you do!) After the first few sections of this one, the characters started interacting more and more. There are a few chunks of this story that weren’t on my outlines, but developed from the interaction of the characters, or just popped out of the blue, as some things do. The whole section on the “flutter-giggles” is something that popped up. And yes, I have read Norman Spinrad’s “Child of Fortune” Have you?
Finally! (Summer of 2006!) Some parts of part 6, such as “Price” and “Departure,” and most of the Epilogue, were written in 2001. But the mythology thing had me really hung up; I read, and I read, and I read. I was trying to produce creation myths for the kaelen society, nominally an island culture such as you would find in polynesian societies, but with some significant twists. Tried a few things but they didn’t work. Finally stumbled upon Karen Armstrong’s A Short History of Myth, and figured out I was having problems because I was going about it wrong! Oh, the stuff I’d written was good, it just didn’t fit the society. The first 78 pages of Armstrong’s book gave me the framework I needed. You can read the problem sections, “Story Time,” and “Adda’s Story.” You might even like to dig into Karl Jaspers.
Tales of the Golden Mule
Where did this one start? I’m not sure. Where does it end? I’m not sure about that either, and right now, I think it’s beginning to show. I’ve gotten some personal rants into this one, but after the first few chapters, the characters sort of took over. I know where things want to go in general. I’m letting things stew, though, as that seems to bring about more character development. I seem to have some dedicated readers for this one as well!
(Added 3/2001) I hit a wall with TGM. I knew where I wanted to go, but didn’t know how I was going to get there. What I wanted to do for the Europe sequence was more challenging than anything I’d written so far, combining characters from a number of different stories.
Wiseguy to the rescue! He convinced me to split TGM up into arcs, and that provided me with a convenient breaking point. Of course it took me a few months to realize that TGM, at least in its current incarnation was over. Why? A lot had to do with Growing Up With Beth. Writing that story changed me, and my writing. For a time, I was working on both stories more or less simultaneously. The sudden increase in action in TGM is in some part attributable to GWB. I say “in some part” because I don’t understand it completely!
Long stories are good for development. I can explore the characters and their interactions, and watch them grow. It’s interesting -- at a number of points in writing TGM, I wanted to do things the characters didn’t want to do. It took me a while to learn what that feels like, and how to resolve those difficulties. At other times, the characters took over, and did wonderful things I hadn’t planned. The whole “what’s in the box, sweetie?” thing at the end of part 10, and Bill’s response in part 11 were not in my outlines! Same with Bill proposing -- I knew he was going to do it, I just didn’t know when. I like the way it happened.
Will I pick up this story again? Don’t know. Will I pick up the characters? Oh yes. They’ve appeared in one of the Pleasure Cruise stories. They’ll mix in. They’re part of me.
Oh, I’ve gotten hundreds of e-mails on TGM. I still get e-mails on TGM. I’m happy I wrote it. I wouldn’t have been able to do GWB without the work which went into TGM. TGM has also had an interesting offshoot!
(Added 12/2004) Good news and bad news... The good news, I think, is the "Golden Clittie" award for TGM, for "Classic Clit." Classic... Does that mean "old?" Still, I’ll take praise as praise!
The bad news... I attempted to revive TGM with the scraps, bits, and pieces I had floating around. Started "The Golden Mule Returns." Got a lot of anonymous HATE mail about how I’d destroyed the characters, their values, yada yada yada. Really bugged the shit out of me, even though I should know better. Pulled it, put it back a year or so later. If you want to read more, take a look here.
A New Slave
This is one from my dark Muse. I don’t know where it came from. It’s strong; it’s dark. I love the dark energy in it. Maybe in a couple of years I’ll understand where it came from. A number of readers have commented about the twist in the end. I was just as surprised as you were! When I wrote it, I knew from the beginning the gal was out for revenge, but I didn’t know (consciously at least) the last line until I actually wrote it, and I was surprised when that’s what came out of her mouth. After writing that line, I went back and backfilled a few details to provide better support for the ending.
Also interesting is the response I’ve gotten. I posted this thing on my web site, and I got comments from a few readers within two hours of when I posted it! I was surprised (and pleased) that there are people who check to see if I’ve put up something new. One of those initial messages wanted to know if I was feeling well! I edited the story and added the remark apologizing to my regular readers for the surprise.
This one has taught me even more to trust the Muse, and let things come out. When I sit down to write, I usually have a good idea what’s going to come out. Sometimes I have outlines, and some of those outlines are pretty detailed. Yet other times, things come out which surprise me. I’m learning to go with them. Some of the scenes in The Golden Mule, and Life Cycle of the Kaelen are like that -- not in my outlines, and not (consciously) in my head when I start out. Trust your gut. Let it come out in words, and look at it afterwards. What fun!
Bellavia
When the Muse tells you to write, you write! If you look at the standard disclaimer on the front of this one carefully, you’ll see that references to “fiction” have been removed. This one isn’t fiction. It happened to me. But, when we see stories posted to the net that have “true” in the subject line, what do we think? It’s amazing the intensity of some memories, and what can trigger them. This was my selection for the Gala Grand Opening of a.s.s.m. Celeste liked it (but not as much as His Taste).
There’s something interesting about short pieces such as this, and pieces I feel are “Muse-driven.” I’m hesitant to do heavy editing on them -- afraid of damaging the spell. Poetry falls into that category as well.
Gypsy’s Riddle
A fun kids story. I wrote this one for my kids, in about three hours. Polished it up a bit. I like it. It has some strong images, and a positive outcome.
Pleasure Cruise
What fun! Wiseguy started with a simple story. It hit something inside me. I asked if I could “borrow” the setting and the characters for a bit, and produced a story in the same setting. While we didn’t collaborate on single stories, we weaved things together, developing some of the characters, adding definition to events, tying things together. It was a wonderful experience, and developed friendship and mutual respect as well as some good stories.
Risk and Reward
When I think of all I’ve written, this is the one I like the best. It’s all in there -- the little details, the personal interactions, human emotions, all against a large backdrop. Timeless themes yet looking forward.
You have heard of Cordwainer Smith, haven’t you? If you haven’t read his science fiction, please do so. You’ll see what has influenced me greatly. Take one large part Cordwainer Smith, one part Norman Spinrad (The Void Captain’s Tale), and a few parts of my own imagination. The review for this one was good. Yes, telling the story by implication forces the reader to think -- but the rewards are there.
Some follow-up stories to this one, Folly and Weapon are as finished as you can get. Eggs is close, as is Death of Innocense. Compassion needs to be split up into three or four stories!
I visualize these in terms of key scenes, almost visions -- visions with complex and strong emotional content, some times with a mystic overlay. The recurring themes: even in a highly advanced society, there are Mysteries. And in this society, at least some have learned to live with the dichotomy, the advanced technology alongside the Mysteries -- accept them both!
Spiders
A weird little piece, but I like it. The reviewer didn’t get it. That’s okay. It did come out of a discussion on web spiders. I like the imagery, the psychosis. I want to record this one -- I didn’t so much write it as hear it and write down what I heard.
World Domination
Every time I start to write the “evil MC” story, something happens... This one turned into a satire, a caricature. Celeste really liked it -- a very good review. When I look back on stories, I look for memorable phrases, memorable images. This one has a bunch. I received a few e-mails from readers saying they hadn’t laughed so hard in a while. That’s what I wanted.
Caretaker
Some deep stuff in this one. Lots of atmosphere, growth, sharing, compassion. Large parts of this one wrote themselves. Yes, there are loose ends in this one -- that’s life. For some sections, such as the proposal, I can feel so much, see so much. I can feel the fall air, the sense of space, and then the wonderful jumble of emotions looking into the eyes of the one you love. You can have intimate moments in the kitchen, standing side-by-side, preparing a meal. They can be intimate if you choose them to be. And if you so choose, life is all the better!
Tool
This is the dark side of Caretaker. It’s almost entirely atmosphere, filled with internal churning and discord. The atmosphere is thick, dense, entwining. What a lovely dark tapestry! Not a lot of “analytic” content in this one!
Halloween Stories
Another alt.sex.stories.discussion (and Celestial Reviews) contest, this one for Halloween. Halloween Party was the first, and poor Alex doesn’t know what hit him. Regular readers were surprised -- I hadn’t killed off a character before. One wrote that she was screaming for him to get out once the first door was sealed. What a way to go!
Another Halloween Party was the second. I wanted to do a few, starting out more or less the same. This one owes a lot to a brief glance I had at a TV commercial, someone driving a car through a rainstorm. Something clicked, and this one wrote itself. Sorry, Alex.
I needed to do something nice for poor Alex, after killing him off twice -- so Private Halloween Party happened. A few people wrote to me, recognizing the old barn on the way to Pescadero. It’s one of my favorite sights. Celeste really liked this one as well. I’m almost ashamed to admit it’s a bunch of leftovers, ideas that have been floating around in my head for a while. Still, I like the imagery -- weaving all the senses into a nice fantasy.
Growing Up With Beth
211 thousand words, 532 pages. Eek! It didn’t start out that way -- or did it? How did it start out? There’s a glimmer of it in the opening of The Choice. Towards the end of TGM, assisted by reader feedback, I realized that I had a hard time dealing with tension and conflict, especially inter-personal conflict. So GWB started as an exercise in developing those aspects of my writing. From the initial starting point, if going one way would make things easier on Andy, I went the other way. Where he wanted to zig, I’d make him zag. I polarized things, let things go to extremes -- the high school principal is a good example -- his behavior was pretty extreme, with little apparent motivation. Of course I did run into places where I wanted the characters to do something, and they didn’t want to do it -- Andy’s relationship with Karen was that way. Many levels of turmoil at that point in the story.
I learned a lot writing this story. I explored a lot. After trying to force Andy and Karen to take a path they didn’t want to take, I learned more to go with the feelings I had, to trust those. Subconsciously, I knew what needed to happen -- part of me knew what needed to happen. Another part of me wanted something else. Synthesize a result.
Another area where that process shows through -- as things progressed, Rachel became more and more important. When I look back to the early parts of the story, when she told Andy, “We’re from the same tribe,” part of me understood what she would mean to him, I guess. When I wrote that, early on, I didn’t consciously know what role Rachel would play later on. It’s clear some parts of me did, though! I’m not sure of some of these things, even though I wrote the story. I’m not sure where some parts of it came from. As I wrote this, I wasn’t sure whether to say “I wrote” or “Rachel said” -- some times it was me, but some times it was the characters, writing through me.
That was part of the exploration -- opening up those channels within myself, giving voice to parts deep inside. Yes, as I look back on other stories, I can see deep parts of me poking up to the surface, see things and connections now that I wasn’t aware of when I wrote a particular story -- that’s wild, how those parts/objects find a way to make themselves heard, to project themselves.
Waxing deep -- conflict and tension -- what is that? What makes conflict? What makes tension? It’s a personal evaluation. And any evaluation implies a comparison to a standard, a reference. What’s the standard, the reference? Often times, the comparison, the judgment, is made unconsciously, with respect to hidden objects (diving into Object Relations Theory -- see Klein, Winnicott, Scharff). I became aware of that as I wrote the story, that parts of it were being driven by parts and objects which were/are hidden, repressed, split off. But through writing, aspects of them become visible. And as they become visible, they become open to interpretation, analysis, and to change. These repressed and split off parts can be integrated once more.
Writing this story has (obviously) rekindled my interest in psychology, especially object psychology, and gestalt psychology. Nothing happens in a vacuum -- and the act of observing a system changes it. That we learn from physics. Part of the structural problems with the story near the end involve the increasing technical - psychoanalytical content, but it’s content I would not remove if I had it to do again.
In the GWB web page, I made the statement, “This story is not autobiographical.” I wrote that fairly early on, in response to reader questions -- the feelings in the early parts were so strong, they must have come from real life, no? I understand better now. They didn’t come from my life, but they certainly came from within me. I understand even better now, that the fiction I write has strong currents running through it, strong, deep influences. The more I give voice to these deep aspects, the better the story? It seems that way. I did take on some personal demons in GWB. You don’t “defeat” personal demons -- you accept and forgive them.
So, part of GWB was self-therapy. Part was exploration. Part was philosophizing. Part was erotic fantasy. Is that it?
No -- how GWB ended is as much a part of the story as anything else. Once again, Wiseguy to the rescue! We were exchanging e-mails on story plans. I wanted out from under GWB so I could move on to other things. I really wanted out! I felt trapped! Yet I had pages of outlined material to cover! He did more than convince me to bring things to a close. He gave me permission to let go of it. That’s so wild! I needed someone, a person I trusted and respected, to give me permission to let go of it. And once I had that permission, things fell into place very quickly. I could see that the story was strained its boundaries. I really needed to break it off and start anew. And reading the last few sections, it’s evident (to me at least) that part of me knew that. I knew that -- I wanted out! Yet another part didn’t want to let go. I’m still learning to let go. What a wild lesson! Thanks again, Wiseguy!
Where does this one go from here? Well, put together Andy’s reading list, for sure. I’ve been meaning to get a reading list together, gleaned from the spreadsheet I use to track some of my reading. (Is that anal or what? Remember -- the beginning of “analytical” is “anal.”) And I do have a written start, and outlines for “A Path with Heart.” Time will tell. No promises. Sagas are good, in that they let me explore in depth. They’re bad in that they can become so consuming, as this one did.
When I write stories with strong content, strong in an emotional/psychological sense, I get notes from readers telling me how it’s touched them, helped them, reminded them. When I give voice to those deep aspects, when I portray them, they can touch others.
And yes, one of the things I did have in mind was to share the tools and techniques that have helped me. I’ve had people write and tell me how they’ve learned from the books I (Andy?) mentioned.
What a trip! And am I glad it’s over, at least for a while!
Birthday Surprise
Out of the blue one day, I got an e-mail from a reader, intrigued by the use of gas and anesthesia in TGM. We continued the exchange, and this story was the result. Many of the strong images, and some of the phrases are from my Muse. Others are from my life. I may do more stories along this line. Working with Jean on this one was a joy.
Gift and Healing
I’m so lucky -- I have two wonderful Muses who have come into my life. I was chatting online one afternoon with one Muse, when she sent me a file. I opened it -- it was a picture. Oh my... How do I respond to this? I responded by writing about the first half of “Healing”, and the beginning of “Gift.” We shuttled drafts back and forth from there, letting things grow. Real life intruded at times, so it took longer than we’d probably have liked (doesn’t everything?). I like the results. So does she. My “other” muse also likes the results.
This was a different kind of collaboration for me, the first time I’ve bounced files back and forth. Oh, I’ve taken Wiseguy’s suggestions and phrases and used them, but this was different -- one of us would develop part of the story(ies), and the other would take that, do the parallel section, and extend it a bit further.
What fun! Thank you, Muse! A word is worth how many pictures?
Control Loop Stability
I continue to catch abuse (from some) that my stories are too left-coast-tree-hugging-smoochy-kissy that kind of thing. Unlike previous attempts, I stuck to it, and wrote an evil, male-dominant MC story. It starts out nasty, as nasty as I could make it. And it stays “true” through the whole thing. This was hard! I had to resist “saving” the bastard many, many times! If you rate it on body count, it’s the nastiest story I’ve done so far.
I’ve done character sketches before for stories, and usually keep notes on the major characters, but this was the first one where I wrote up a psychological evaluation, almost a case report, on a character. Read Ayres’ work on tactile defensive behaviour. Borderline autism in there as well as psychosis.
Testing the Blade
Sublimated sex. Playing with inner and outer, Honne and Tatamae, private and public. It’s short, and an interesting exploration. Metaphors, light, darkness, shades of grey.
Plumbing
Hah! She didn’t think I could do it! I couldn’t write a story in under a few thousand words!
This is a life-gives-you-lemons story: make lemonade! The first part is just about how it happened. I’m snuggling up close on a Friday night, and she tells me it’s wet under the sink. Fuck -- at 11:30 on a Friday night? Having to cut the old faucet out is also true -- it was a bitch and a half. I was bitching about how I spent my Saturday to Dryad, when she said something about what she’d do if she found me trapped on my back like that. A story is born!
Saturday Night
I have mixed feelings about the “flash” style. One problem I have is that the (necessarily) tight editing makes things abrupt. I like stories that flow. I think this one flows. I figure it’s about the ultimate “flash.” Yes, you could trim it down by a few words, get rid of the foreplay and the mushy shit after -- that would take it down to three words or so... But it’s all there -- romance, sex, even safe sex! The layout is important with this one as well. Dryad complains that it’s poetry, not flash. I respectfully disagree. Let’s see how it flies!
The Case of Christine M
One reader wrote:
Um, yeah, just the usual Artie story. Gentle, loving, lots of nipple-sucking and hypnotic swooning.
Hey! It has tits, and a woman whispering mystic things as she holds her man to a breast -- that’s my style, isn’t it? (Well, if you ignore the glowing eyes...)
Where did this one come from? A trip a number of months ago, I had my laptop with me. I was staying a night with some friends, and expected to do some serious creative writing. I forgot the damn AC adapter! Damn Windoze machines run about 45 minutes on batteries. Spent the evening sitting in front of a very nice fire (in a fireplace) sipping Cognac and reading Lovecraft. This story appeared a while later.
I was surprised by the number of comments I received on this one in the first 24 hours. Some people liked it a lot. Others wrote to tell me that they didn’t like it at all, that it gave them the creeps (or worse). For a horror story, that’s good! A lot of folks were very surprised I wrote it! I tried to put everything I had (including my own childhood nightmares) into it. Lots of mythos, lots of little touches which I hope add to the overall atmosphere.
Don’t fear, though -- I don’t expect to be cranking out a lot more in this genre, at least not this dark. I do expect that Lovecraftian themes/mythos will creep into some new stories.
The Call of Cthulhu is a good place to start if you’re unfamiliar with H. P. Lovecraft.
A Life of Service
Another interesting trip. It started as a dream on a long car ride on Thanksgiving, and I wrote the original version on my Palm. Life was quite hectic. I decided to do something unusual -- not post it until it was nearly done. The last part was written shortly after the first, and the middle developed after that. And yes, there are hooks for a follow-on story in here!
In case you’re wondering... Yes, The Order did get to him in the end.
Alien Tentacle!
Weird, huh? Don’t remember where it was, but I came across a short tentacle story (sic). Gawd, it was awful! Even though I’m not impressed by the genre, I thought to myself, “Self, we can do a whole hell of a lot better than that.” So I did. So now I’ve got this tentacle scene. Too short to stand on its own, and I sure as hell don’t want to do the usual story. Hmmm... Some thought, some tequila... I thought of what I’d done in Scene from a Writer at Work. I put it in a frame and started playing with it. The thing you’ve read was the result, or rather, one of the results. I had another version with an additional short frame story between the ones you’ve read. It isn’t as good -- I like the jump from tentacle to tentacle.
Who’d a thunk it? A Romantic tentacle story, with mind control yet!
Cindy
A short one, intense. Autobiographical? A number of readers have asked. Well, yes and no. Recall from analysis (the mathematics kind) that two orthogonal functions form the orthonormal basis defining a space ( look it up). Also, that orthonormal basis can be used for expansion as a Fourier series.
Say what?
It had been a weird day/week. A colleague came by and used me as confessor/spiritual scratching post, unburdening (unloading) himself; he’d returned from a trip to find his girlfriend had moved out on him. Devastated doesn’t even start. I’d also gotten a call from another friend; from what she told me, her wireless link (which she’d installed herself) was being hijacked/shared. Could I help her? Of course I could.
Both events upset me, one on a personal-emotional level, the other on a professional-technical level. They simmered and cooked, down deep wherever such things happen. This story popped out, writing itself. So no, it’s not autobiographical. But yes, it is me, and the reflections of others in the mirror that is me. I consider it a gift.
May we all be free of suffering; may we all be at peace.
And you do have WPA2 enabled on your wireless link, don’t you? It’s not about being absolutely secure, because there is no such thing. You don’t have to outrun the tiger -- you just have to run faster than the person next to you. If your wireless setup is even moderately secured, those looking for a bit of fun will move on to your neighbors, who are still running with their pants down.
Hidden Images
Only 214 pages, 76k words... This one stretches out over almost three years! The ideas, the premises, (the ending), came early on. I knew what the mechanisms were. Now to unfold it... A lot of personal angst in this one, especially in the early parts. I had a fierce problem in part 6, not sure how to unfold things. Eventually the solution came to me, and the rest flowed.
WARNING - SPOILERS! One of the fun things in this one was looking at sociological aspects of the “Dorian Gray” virus. I concluded (early on) that the only way it could remain a secret within a small group is if it was misunderstood by others. Making the price so high, a practically certain very painful death, was the ticket. There are other aspects, though, unexplored -- all the aspects of preserving some kind of anonymity in societies that track more and more. Driver’s licenses? Professional licenses? So many areas which could be explored...
As to the Epilogue... As I said, there is a lot I could explore -- and that was one of my problems. The damn thing was turning into a sociology/anthropology paper! Not going to go there! In early (2002) musings I had about the story, I “saw” that last scene, and another one, with great grandchildren, aboard a spacecraft of some kind; think it was a long-haul interstellar slow-boat (see, for example, Blish’s “Cities in Flight” series).
Just prior to that point in the story, I’ve unwrapped the mystery and given some analysis and hints as to consequences of the treatment. I felt like I’d ridden the sexual aspect of this one to its limit. As I said, I didn’t want to do the anthro paper.
I’m sure some will take me to task for such a mushy ending. Those will be the ones without kids (particularly, without daughters). But for me, it answers a lot of questions (indirectly for some) -- he survives, kids are possible, a polygamous but matriarchal structure continues to develop. Also important, I hope it shows that he’s a good father, and a man who loves and is loved.
Stick a fork in it, bro, it’s DONE!
Motivation
A short one, this is sort of a left-over. Wrote the beginning and end a while ago, but got stuck in the middle -- I didn’t want to go through the weekend stroke-by-stroke. Finally figured a way around it, polished it off, posted it.
Interesting responses! Some (males) wrote wishing they’d been given such motivation. Others wrote, upset that Carl was fooling around on his wife! I guess I surprised some readers, and let them down. Interesting that I’ve evidently led readers to expect a certain (pardon the phrase) morality in my stories...
Time of Arrival
Real sci-fi! Interesting collection of bouquets and brickbats on this one. Some found it TOO technical, even nitpicking some of the technical details. Others liked picking up hard-core Sci-Fi. Where’s this one going? I’m probably ending this one here, but a lot of the ideas are from another, much longer piece.
Every so often, I have to let the geek part out!
Oh, part of this is so intensely autobiographical -- the little kid getting up to watch Alan Shepard, watching every televised launch, watching, hearing Neil Armstrong on an old TV set I’d rebuilt...
Writer’s dilemma. For a class of engineers/technical types, the canonical plural of “box” is “boxen.” Some people think this is an error. I’m not going to put (sic) after the first instance. It’s like me writing “confuser” for “computer,” it’s supposed to be that way! Ah well. I’ll keep writing!
The second part is up, with the story continuing to unwind. I like the fun parts!
And yes, its turned into a fucking franchise -- extending out, looking for challenge and conflict. The psychosis episode reminiscent of the “Life in Harmony” episode of “The Prisoner.”Reunion
I’ve gotten a lot of comments on this one! Strong stuff -- strong feelings and emotions aren’t necessarily pleasant feelings and emotions! A lot of mail from folks saying at the same time they didn’t like it, but it was well written. As with many (most) of my stories, it’s partially autobiographical, part fiction. I’ve been too close to a number of people, friends, who have committed suicide. I don’t know what the question is, but I know that’s not the answer. I’ve had to help pick up the pieces afterwards. This story started a while ago. I stopped work on it after trying to get it to turn out differently, a positive ending. I contemplated chopping it off (at the obvious point), but let it sit until I decided to let it go the way it wanted to go -- complete it, dark paths and all. Yes, the transition from first person to third person is jarring. Don’t know a better way to do it, and I think it heightens the impact. I’m not going to be doing a lot of stories like this one! It was something I needed to write, and now that it’s done, I can move on. Yes, there’s a cathartic component to this kind of writing (even if it opens up old feelings and memories in others). And to those who have written expressing their concern, I’m happy and healthy, if overworked.
Field Work -- Our Lady of the Bodega
This is from the same universe as Time of Arrival, and other unposted Sci-Fi tales. Trying to be hard-core and primal in interleaved threads, interwoven characters. A technique I still like (but haven’t figured out how to adapt to my liking) is the one used by John Brunner in his Sci-Fi novel “Stand on Zanzibar,” weaving together characters and their threads. Oh, the “bad monkey” stuff is inspired by one of my favorite movies, “The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai.”
Thanks to prodding by others, and editing help from dotB and crew! They provided the push to complete key sections, and clean it up. Technically and stylistically, this one builds a lot on things I’ve done in other stories. I’m more comfortable with switching points of view, and hopefully in maintaining separation of characters.
I really like the mix in this one, the scope -- local, personal detail with the hints of things so much broader. Am I so hooked on redemption themes because I'm getting older?
A reader writes to me and says they like the story. That's nice; thanks for writing. They tell me that when Brinna names the Ship Second Chance they cried. That's when all the time I've put into these stories becomes worthwhile.
Naked In School: About Ron
Another interesting trip... Two, almost three years to cover a week at school? This one was supposed to be quick and easy -- constrained format, etc. Great plans, then life happens... Actually, I wrote most of Friday afternoon in the first week or two of working on the story. For longer ones like this, I sketch out the characters (so I can keep the names straight) and the key scenes. The Friday afternoon bit with Gwen and the Angels was a key scene!
I tried a bunch of new things with this one. I’ve done the multiple-character point of view thing before, but not to this extent. Hint: that’s one of the reasons it’s called “About Ron.” We see little of the “action” from his point-of-view. As usual when you try new things, some work and some don’t. And of course the bits aren’t even settled down on the servers when readers start clamoring for “More!” Field Work -- Our Lady of the Bodega, written after I’d written the bulk of this one, benefitted from the writing muscles I’d developed in this one. In that piece, it feels like I used longer chunks, not cutting between/among characters as quickly.
I wanted to explore other areas of the Naked in School universe -- other aspects, other viewpoints. That’s one of the fun things about this one. It’s about Ron, and about Gwen, and Gloria, and teachers and parents, about the Angels (who I view as a natural outgrowth of The Program). That’s what made this one fun; exploring all the interactions, particularly between kids and adults, each realizing more about the other. That’s one of the great things about this style; I get to visit the same set of events from different points of view, to look on them with different (often conflicting) perspectives. Yeah, it’s not stroke fiction. But like the standard disclaimer at the top of each story says, if that’s what you’re looking for, you should look somewhere else!
As to more? Not going to happen! (Famous last words, I know...)
Ambassadors
Not sure how I feel about this one. There’s a big transition in there, and a lot of stuff, a lot of hints about Kathy that I’m not sure if people spot or not. And there’s a mix of people stuff - technology stuff running through it.
Recurring themes... There’s a redemption/choice theme in this one, and in Field Work: Our Lady of the Bodega, among others. You might take a look at look at The Inheritors, a really wonderful show from the second season of the TV series The Outer Limits. Part of it also comes from another Outer Limits episode, Nightmare. In that episode, a character interprets the actions of aliens as unspeakable torture, when in reality, the aliens were using their advanced technology to try and save a human’s life. And part of the “star travel is messy” theme comes from Piers Anthony’s great sci-fi novel, Macroscope.
If I had the time... There’s a follow up novel about the Dragon, the Saint, the Wizard, and the Lion, and how they brought the Earth back from the precipice. See if you can match the four kids to those...
Wood
This is a strong one, more obviously introspective than most, thinking about our children (young adults) and others, looking into the distance. Realizing that the infants you once held are becoming adult, sexual beings -- strong stuff! Other strong images in this one as well, the taxonomy of woodcrafters, the feelings of working with the tools. Lots of emotion at and below the surface. Also, one of the few stories where a frame is really useful, and indeed, provides for impact.
The Battle of Escalon
The Sa’arm Cycle is a collaborative effort, call it a sandbox, where a number of authors play. Sci-Fi, invasion, adult themes -- interesting stuff. This is my very left-handed contribution, my response to some of those stories... I say left-handed as it’s so far away from the other stories. No sex, for one thing. It does have violence and death, which the other stories of the genre have, but still, it’s different. And it’s another of those "filter" stories, filtering out readers. The "young" ones, the ones looking for Sci-Fi sex and violence, are often disappointed. But the more mature (older) ones ... some of them are disappointed too. And then I’ll get a note from a reader who was devouring the Sa’arm stories, came across this one, read it ... and stopped and cried. If this story doesn’t forever mark me as a hopeless romantic and optimist, I don’t know what will!
Open Clinic
Another franchise! Don't remember how this one started -- well, part of it comes from my dreams, that and wondering where you take a sick basilisk or gryphon? What would it be like to be a vet with that kind of practice? I had glimmerings from the start -- some of those glimmerings are just starting to come out in parts 8 and 9... Joe is a fantastic sidekick (and plot device). The Yeti bring in so much -- love interest, complications, fetishes. Johnny and Sophira, the whole class of vampires as Left Hand Path but helpful... I actually know where this one wants to go! I have sketches of the last parts of it! Don't know how long it's going to take me to get there.
Probes
Probes are used to make measurements.
When I started Probes I had a framework behind the story, how humans were being used as probes. I knew it would be a dark story, with those wielding the (human) probes seemingly unconcerned or unmoved by what the probes went through. But what about the other side? How do they respond to the pain and the suffering? That’s what happens in Part 4. The watchers confront who they are and the rules they live by, and find both wanting. That which is sacred becomes abomination, and that which was anathema becomes their goal. That process, that dialog, especially between the watchers and their AI, their arguments and changes triggering self-destruct a number of times. I’ve been trying to write those last few pages for years! I think what I’ve posted works, but I’m not entirely happy with it. I’ve tried a number of approaches, and while the one I ended up with (so far) doesn’t capture all of what I wanted, it’s the best I’ve got so far.
The other thing I knew part way through writing Probes, when I knew how it was going to end, was that Probes was the prelude to Vector (Chosen).
Awakening
This one started out as a short piece. Or did it?
It let me scratch at a bunch of common themes that have been itching for a while. Old Sci-Fi stories such as Bradbury's Chrysalis, and I think a similar JG Ballard story of the awakening of ... what? Stories about exposure to x begetting the next superman/monster/god. All the ones about awakening in an unknown place -- why are we here? What are they doing to us? And the hunger, the dream, the drive, of stepping out of the transforming process as a god... I get to scratch all these itches at once!
Also got to play around with some other characters, and look at a group of events/situations from different perspectives. And not just throwing a story into a cheezy fucking frame -- no, my frame is made up of a number of characters, and their interactions! Yes, some of them are very brief sketches, but I try to give each one life and purpose. As always, while new worlds are dawning, and for some the world will never be the same, for others it's just another day at work -- I like their perspective, too.
Through the perspective of those other characters I get to inject and explore technology. To some, technology is the center of their existence. Yet to others, that technology is just a tool, a tool they don't understand. You don't have to understand how it works to use it. How technology interacts with its users is always important.
And I'm recognizing another important element of some of these stories -- leaving the reader wondering, what happens next? Where did they go? What happened? Yet giving them the impression (from the painting and the history in this one) that things worked out well.
Fixing a Leak
Wow -- the initial response on this one caught me by surprise. With creative writing, my least favorite story is often the one I just finished and posted, partially because editing has to be done surgically, without emotion. And my favourite story is the one I'm working on.
With this one, I had the feeling... And that's it, really, it's about feelings. In contrast to a lot of my recent writing, which could be summarized as techno-suck-fuck, this one is full of emotion. Maybe it's just that I'm getting old... Or I'm able to look back as well as forward with my heart.
The first (partial) week this was up, the download counts were amazing: 6000 for HTML, 1730 for PDF, and 603 for ePub. I even got a couple dozen e-mails! Saturday I sent it in for posting on the asstr newsgroup, and Sunday got a wonderful, heartfelt message from Denny.
Some who have been following me for a while (years) have said it's the best thing I've done since (insert a few older favourites here)... An anonymous comment said that they cried when they thought of Mack... I think that's the one that convinced me this was a good one.
Emotion -- from the heart. Yes, interwoven with the other aspects and details, but letting those feelings be the core. Was that my focus when I started the story? Hell no! It started as an "antidote" story to the heavily technology-themed stuff I've been doing. But once the emotions started creeping in, I welcomed them and let them grow. Glad I did! How do I do more like this? How do I do more stories with that feeling, that magic touch? I don't know. Keep writing is one answer, and the only one I know for now. Keep writing and let it happen.
Fin
By silli_artie@hotmail.com
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/artie/www
© Copyright 2001-2011 by silli_artie@hotmail.com