Author's Note: When the idea for this story first came to me I thought 'But these characters would never do this'. Then I realised that it is, of course, slash fiction.

An Awkward Interview

The mansion door was opened to her knock by an aging butler.

"Hello Alfred"

"Ah, Mrs Kent" he said, "Master Bruce is expecting you. Allow me to take your coat."

He showed her into the Chinese parlour and offered refreshments.

She'd been here dozens of times, but this time the acid of nerves prickled her stomach.

Alfred returned with a tea tray, followed by his employer who who gave a perfunctory embrace.

"Lois! a pleasure! I trust you're not here in your professional capacity?"

"Oh, no. No" Lois heard the tension in her voice and knew he would have too.

"Good, at least I don't have to worry that everything I say and plenty that I don't will end up on the front page of the Daily Planet."

Alfred poured the tea and left.

"So to what do I owe the pleasure of your company? I see you've come without your husband."

Lois flinched.

"Well it's about him...I worry about him."

"Huh. I think he's one person who can look after himself."

"But I do. I worry when he's gone and I get stressy and then I'm antsy with him when he gets back. I can't help it."

"So why are you coming to me?"

"Well you're his friend."

"Friend?" The word seemed like an alien concept.

"You know you are. No-one else is remotely like him."

"True."

"Anyway," She took a deep breath.

"I was nervous when I was little. It would go in cycles, it'd be OK, then the tension would build up inside."

Bruce nodded.

"...and I'd get nasty to my parents, cruel to my sister."

"And?"

"But Mom understood me, and when I got too bad she dealt with it."

"Some kind of therapy?"

"Huh, you could call it that. Knee therapy. She'd give me a long hard spanking and it'd calm me down for a while. She wasn't angry, she just knew I needed it sometimes, needed taking out of myself."

"But you grew out of needing it?"

"Not really; I just got better at controlling my behaviour I guess."

"But now?"

"Now it's bad as ever, every time he's called out I get more tense. I can't take much more Bruce" A glimmer of desperation shone in her eyes.

"So what do you want me to do?"

"Can you talk to him?"

"What? You want me to tell him to spank you?"

"Well...."

"Have you asked him?"

"Come on Bruce, you know what he's like."

Bruce sat back and took a sip of tea.

"You're right, he'd never raise a hand to you.. Against his upbringing."

Lois sighed.

"Do you really want this Lois?" he asked.

"I need it Bruce. Need it."

He pressed a concealed button under the tea table and Alfred appeared.

"Fetch the Bat-Paddle please Alfred"

Alfred produced a sleek black paddle; Kevlar with a bat-shaped hole.

"I had the foresight to have it ready Master Bruce."

Bruce slapped it slowly against his palm.

"Come here Lois"