Jumping on the Bed
Caution: This short story contains the spanking of children. If you do not agree with this theme, please leave now.
Jumping on the Bed
"It has been a long time since I have had to spank you two for jumping on my bed. I thought the last time would be the last time. However, I can see that I was wrong."
Judith walked over to Sharon, who was 9, and said, "You're going to be first, little lady." She unbuttoned and unzipped her daughter's jeans and pulled both jeans and panties down to about mid thigh.
Seth, age 12, couldn't help but smile a bit as he saw his sister's cute little twin, white moons revealed as her clothing was lowered, even though he knew that he would soon be in this same position.
Judith peppered her young daughter's buttocks with smack after smack. It didn't take long before Sharon was crying and promising not to jump on beds anymore. Sharon's spanking lasted only about 30 seconds, but her little bottom had gone from snow white to bright red. Seth thought his sister's bottom looked even cuter red than white. His joy disappeared, however, as it became his turn to suffer the same fate.
With Sharon's spanking finished, Judith walked over to Seth.
"Seth, I'm going to ask you a question and you had better tell me the truth. Was it your idea for you two to jump on my bed?"
Seth pondered the question. It was as if his mother had been a fly on the wall when he had asked Sharon to jump on the bed with him and was practically daring him to say otherwise. He sheepishly shook his head yes.
"I thought so. Consequently, you will get more."
She undid his jeans and pulled them and underwear down to his knees. Sharon had composed herself a little bit and was thankful she was going to get to witness her brother's spanking as he had hers. She was a bit angry with him because she would not have jumped on the bed had he not persuaded her. She felt a little bad for Seth but was going to enjoy witnessing his spanking. He started crying after the first 8 to 10 smacks. Seth's fanny turned from white to pink to red, now matching the color of hers. Judith spanked him for just over a minute and decided he had had enough.
"Young man, do not ever be guilty of jumping on beds again. That goes for you too, young lady. You went along with your brother's idea, so you got spanked too. Seth, I am going to give you ten more." She did so alternating cheeks. The last two smacks were delivered to both cheeks simultaneously squarely on the sit spot with full force. Judith then released her son. She walked over to Sharon and gave her bottom five more good smacks for extra emphasis.
Satisfied with her work, Judith left the room with her children crying and rubbing their bare, sore, and red fannies. Her motherly duties of disciplining her children had been satisfied once again.
Crimson Kid email
This is a pretty straightforward story featuring perhaps the most common 'imbalance of power' in human history, that of parent disciplining child--or children, in this case. It also features the somewhat stereotypical situation in which the older sibling (12-year-old Seth) has led the younger child (nine-year-old Sharon) into some sort of mischief, although in this case their offense--indicated in the story title--struck me as a rather mild one. However, presumably the more serious childish 'crime' is actually that of knowing disobedience, since the dialogue in the narrative's opening clearly indicated that the children had previously been punished by their mother for the same bed-jumping offense and hence had known that it was parentally prohibited.
The spankings themselves were relatively tame although probably a touch embarrassing as they involved the bared bottoms of opposite-gender siblings being chastised in front of one another; I did appreciate that Seth, as admittedly the leader in the escapade, was given a more severe seat-smacking (exactly double what his little sister received) by their mother (Judith), who was obviously trying to be fair--but even so I considered both of their maternal handspankings to be pretty mild. IMHO the best part of this story was the brief focus on the feelings and reactions of the witnessing child to his/her sibling's chastisement: Seth enjoying his view of Sharon's cute little bumcheeks turning from pale white to bright red, Sharon feeling both satisfaction and sympathy while watching her brother being disciplined more extensively for recruiting her as an accomplice (and therefore an eventual spankee) in his misbehavior.
Other than those quick emotional insights, this is a very basic story within which the 'imbalance of power' dynamic was automatically accepted as a part of family life...
sarah nada email
"Jumping on the Bed" is definitely a natural for the Imbalance of Power category. The author includes plenty of spanking, but I would have liked to know a little more about the characters. The kids seem a bit old to jump on a bed for the sake of jumping, which makes me wonder if there might be more to it. And the mom seems unusually businesslike. But it makes for a fast paced, interesting read.
Pablo email
A simple story, told simply, which is pleasing and appropriate. It suffers somewhat from a vague and distant viewpoint. A suggestion I'd make would be to stick to a single point-of-view. Whose story is it? The mother's? One of the kids'? Choosing a single POV both keeps you focused, and gives you easy access to their thoughts and emotions. A second suggestion would be to think a little more about where the drama and significance in a story comes from. Why are you telling the story, if it's just one spanking among many? Why this one? It perhaps gives away that this might not be a story at all, but a fantasy - they work in different ways, and have different requirements. If you mean something to be a story, figure out what's unusual and significant about an event. Is it the first time something has happened? The last time? Does the event cause things to change somehow?
Zille Defeu email
I was excited by the title, but the story did not live up to expectations. It was too sparse and too shallow. Maybe rewriting it to start with Seth egging his sister into jumping on the bed, then the excitement of the naughtiness, and then that drop in the tummy when Mom walked in. Also, I'd really like to see the end reworked. The whole satisfaction from "motherly duties of disciplining" just seems very artificial to me. Is the mom someone who gets pleasure from giving out discipline? In which case, here is the place to be honest about it and explore it. Or does she have mixed feelings -- in which case we need to go through them with her. Either way, more depth is needed!