SSC 2010: Wall of Candy, by John Marks

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Wall of Candy

The wall of candy was tempting. Very tempting. Each of the various kinds seemed to be calling to me. But Papa says that I'm not allowed candy. None at all. He says it isn't healthy for me. Healthy be dammed. (oops I'm not supposed to use words like that.). I want to know what sourballs taste like, and peppermints, and chocolate kisses, and all the other wonderful kinds of candy. I could smell their sweet tastes - it made me overflow with need.

The shopkeeper was busy attending to a customer: an older lady, very picky, who was asking him lots and lots of questions. No one was anywhere around. I sidled up to the shelves with the jars, and stood with my back to them, looking at some books across the aisle. I carefully, slowly, reached back and oh so gently lifted the lid. I reached in and lifted out a few of the contents - only a few. I slowly lowered the lid, but somehow, despite my best efforts, it clinked.

"Hey, You there. Girl, show me your hands" the shopkeeper ordered, before I had a chance to run, or to hide my loot. I started to cry.

"I only wanted a few. I'm sorry" I protested.

"Well you'll get a few all right, a few from me."

He took down the paddle that hangs behind the counter. He came out from behind, and set one foot up on a stool. He hauled me over his knee, raised my skirt, and lowered my undies. Then he spanked me with the paddle, maybe two dozen swats. It HURT. And next thing I knew I was standing in the rear corner of the shop, holding my skirt up, red bottom on display, crying hard. That's how Papa found me.

He marched me back home, with a swat at every step. Then he made me cut a switch out back. And then he switched me long and hard. I think it was the worst spanking he ever gave me. It hurt more than I could believe.

And now I'm standing here in the corner of my own room, waiting for Papa to come up and put me to bed. No supper tonight, he said. He thinks this will make me leave the candy alone forever.

But it won't. I'm gonna find a way into one of those jars, no matter how many switchings it takes first. That wall of candy is just too tempting.

Mija email

A lovely first person M/f story of a girl who's tempted by her sweet tooth into trying to shoplift candy. I love the glimpses of the imaginary world it's set in, a place where a young thief is dealt with first by the shopkeeper and then her father. I wanted to know more about the nameless girl's life and community. It was also an excellent use of the photograph, evocative enough in its own right that it wasn't necessary to see the picture.

The flaw of the story, to the degree there is one, is in its narration. While I love the use of first person, the tone / voice wasn't convincing. It felt like the voice of an adult, so much that I wondered at one point whether this was the retelling of a childhood memory. Still, the story was a pleasure to read and, like candy, left me wanting still more.

Marie email

This started out really strong and I love the author's writing style. I could imagine being this child. These lines especially stood out, "I want to know what sourballs taste like, and peppermints, and chocolate kisses, and all the other wonderful kinds of candy. I could smell their sweet tastes - it made me overflow with need." and made it easy for me to get into this. Towards the end, the author's strong writing faltered. Perhaps with more words the author could have continued as they had in the beginning. The last paragraph was almost able to salvage the story and brought back what I liked about the start. A respectable entry.