2nd Genre Fiction
The Adjustment
Copyright 2010 to mijita (at) the treehouse (dot) net. Please respect this copyright. Don't distribute or archive this story in any way except for personal use without explicit permission. No, it's not in the public domain. Ask first, okay? Thanks.
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The Adjustment
by Mija
[Genre]
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The dog chased the tennis ball across the garden, then pelted back to Alice. The girl watched, marveling at Dobbie's focus.
She threw the ball harder, farther. Time slowed as she threw and he fetched, the blue sky and green grass of June wrapping them in a perfect day--
-- shattered by a shout of "Alice Michelle, you get in here right now."
o0o
"Hey Mom."
The house was dark after the bright sunshine. Alice blinked. Darker yes, but cleaner too.
"Don't you 'Hey Mom' me, young lady. I told you not to leave this house until you cleaned your room."
Did she really? Alice didn't remember. Wait, when did Mom wear a dress or apron?
While Alice was musing on this, noticing the much tidier house and her unusually tidy mother, her mother landed a ringing slap on the seat of her shorts.
"Pay attention! I'm very cross with you, Alice Michelle. Your room's still a disaster. Go in there right now and wait for me. You're in big trouble."
o0o
Alice slammed the bedroom door. Her mother had *hit* her.
Double-take. The bedroom...
Yes, it was messy with her papers and drawings everywhere. But the room was furnished in a completely different style. No mis-matched IKEA and garage sale finds coupled with her mother's art. Instead a white bed and desk set with pillows and matching bedspread.
This was not her room.
As that realization struck, her mother, her suddenly *taller* mother, open the door. She was holding a wooden hairbrush.
"Slamming doors Miss? And why aren't you in the corner with your shorts down?"
Alice looked up and screamed as this woman who was clearly *not* her mother pulled her across her lap and pinned her arms behind her back.
"No! Get away from me you crazy bitch!"
She kicked helplessly as the brush briskly smacked her thinly clad bottom.
Fifteen minutes later, a sobbing, red-bottomed Alice let herself be led to a stool waiting in the corner.
"You stay there until you calm down. Then get to work on this room. I want it spotless, do you hear me? Then you can stay in here and think about your behavior. I wouldn't want to be you when your father hears what you called me today."
Unable to speak, Alice could only nod.
o0o
The Clerk's eyes narrowed.
"Report, Agent D."
"Unhappy, but cleaned her room and waited for her father. Cried on me."
"Adjustments are never happy. Hers isn't the worst."
"Why the change?"
"They determined 2020 wasn't working. Much as Alice needs creative space, she needs to develop self-discipline but wasn't. Or something. 1950 suburbia is the adjustment."
"She's not happy."
"Happy doesn't matter. Alice has to grow up creative but disciplined. That's what *They* require. You're required to watch and report... unless you want a new assignment."
"No sir."
Dobbie shrugged. He had no idea why They needed Alice to grow up creative and discipline but the Clerk was right. His job was to watch and report.
A dog's life.
o0o
This story is inspired by -- and very loosely based on -- the much more brilliant story "The Adjustment Team" by Philip K. Dick (1954). Like the original, this story's intended genre is science fiction.
sarah nada email
I've never read the Philip K. Dick story that inspired "The Adjustment," but this story stands on its own just fine. On first reading it reminded me of a John Benson story (which is a compliment of course). The plot is clever and a good fit for its category, the spanking ends on a nicely ominous note, and I really like Dobbie the dog. Well done.
Haron email
An excellent, unusual story with a very satisfying twist. The descriptions set the mood perfectly; I got a distinct feeling of alienation and disconnect the further in poor Alice got, and was full of sympathy by the end. The ending was satisfying, but left me wanting more.
Dyke Grrl/Jigsaw Analogy email
I appreciated the scene-setting. It was easy to visualize what was happening, and I could easily imagine Alice's shock going through the transition. The action of the story was a little confusing for me. Some of that, I realize, was because it was meant to be confusing--the reader was carried through the shock Alice experienced right along with her. But I think this might have worked a little better as a slightly longer story, with a little more space for plot development. I like how the explanation of what happened, and why, was left until the end of the story.
Pablo email
This achieves the tricky feat of managing to tell a complete story in almost no space at all, with plenty of detail and character, and even a neat twist at the end. Best of all, it's not just a story with spanking in it, but a story about spanking, and how it fits within a girl's life and psychology. Space constraints are probably responsible, but it would have been nice to have learned a little more about how Alice's life wasn't working out, and why the adjustment was necessary - we're basically just told, but seeing it for ourselves would have been more powerful, even if it slightly diluted the shock of the sudden change.