This short story is an entry in the 2003 Soc.Sexuality.Spanking Summer Short Story Contest and is copyright by the author and commercial use is prohibited without permission. Personal/private copies are permitted only if complete including the copyright notice. The author would appreciate your comments
Category: Lines
Bradford
By
Valerie Meilong <meilong@excite.com>
Bradford, England.
Jane and I agreed to go with them.
"We fuck them?" said Mohammed to Ali in Punjabi.
"Yeah. But spank them first," replied Ali. "Brits like being spanked."
"We're not living in India now, pig." I said, also in Punjabi.
He gasped. "India! You mean you've lived in India!"
The End
© Copyright Valerie Meilong 31 July 2003
Reviews
Jon <mrheadmstr(at)yahoo(dot)com>
This short little blurb both gave me a chuckle and furrowed my brow. The chuckle came from the clever way the author made the final line fit the story. The slight confusion came from the names selected and my uncertain knowledge of where the Punjab is located. The surprise of the last line would have been more powerful had more stereotypically Indian (Hindu) names been chosen; but perhaps Mohammed and Ali ARE typical names in the Punjab. I don't know, and I bet 99+% of the readers of the story don't know either.
Write a story for your audience. If they don't know something, you need to either explain it to them, make it obvious from context, or take creative license to change things to fit.
Ladiejj <ladiejj(at)msn(dot)com>
Mini-saga's are always hard. The author does create a conflict between his characters...are the tourists kidnaped by terrorist, and adventurist couple in a exotic brothel, but the problem is the story leaves so much to the readers imagination that no clear picture is resolved in your mind. The author does do a god job using the required last line. With a little framework this could be an interesting story.
C_bear <teddybearbrat(at)cableone(dot)net>
I'm sorry but maybe I'm dense, but I really can't say I got this one, except for the surprise that
I assume the girls knew what they were saying about them. Scratches my furry head and thinks
hmmm.