This short story is an entry in the 2002 Soc.Sexuality.Spanking Summer Short Story Contest and is copyright by the author and commercial use is prohibited without permission. Personal/private copies are permitted only if complete including the copyright notice. The author would appreciate your comments
Category: Edge Why it's edgy? Because there's nothing trivial about the scandal, for the victims. But we ought to be able to laugh at aspects of it, anyway.
Maybe Jesus Wants You For A Sunbeam?
By
Mara Maharakshasa <MaraMahaRakshasa@aol.com>
The cardinal waited for the tea to be poured, and for Mrs. O'Higgins to leave the room.
He gazed solemnly at Father O'Malley, and finally said: "It was good of you to reassign your duties, and to come so promptly."
"Oh, I could hear that you were anxious to see me, Father."
"Indeed. Well, as you know, we've been having a simply terrible time with the press the past few weeks. This business of priests who can't keep their hands off little boys, if you follow me. It's reached the Holy Father himself, and he's calling for action."
"I'm sure, Father," O'Malley replies. "It's a terrible thing."
"It's going to cost the See a lot of money, that's for sure. And what am I to do with all these priests? I can't throw them out, for such innocent temptations. But who else will take them, if there's any suspicion?"
"You've thought of missionary work, I trust?"
"Oh, that's terrible punishment for a poor Irishman, is it not? Among those black heathens, and competing with those Baptists, now." O'Malley nodded. It wasn't as if many had joined the priesthood with hard work in mind, let alone exile.
"Now, you're a popular fellow, O'Malley, according to reports from the parishioners. And I was wondering if I could trust you to help me calm down these reporters. No, no, it's not a cover up! I just need someone to take the pressure off. Someone with a good reputation."
O'Malley digested this, then said: "I'd like to be of service, but..."
"No, I understand. But you'd want me to be certain, of course? So I must ask you if you can promise me that you're not one of the fellows that has been fooling around with the little boys. Or the not-so-little boys, either.
Let's not forget that problem."
"Well, Father..."
"Speak up, O'Malley. I'm not going to condemn you, if you have ever failed your vows of chastity. Pray just let it not involve with one of the little scalliwags!"
O'Malley sipped his tea, then replied: "Let him who is without sin among us cast the first stone."
"So," the cardinal murmured. "You too?"
"Oh, not with the choirboys, father. Or the fine young men, either. No, I have strayed with the women and the drink."
"So long as it's not with some lovely young schoolgirls with braces and pigtails, and so long as no one knows...it might yet be open to discussion."
"Indeed. Well, there's this divorced woman, Kathleen Braun."
"A Catholic?"
"No, no, she's a heathen. Works at the MIT. And it's not as you'd think.
She's opposed to sex..."
"Praise heaven!"
"...but she comes to me for confession anyway, and to have her bare backside birched in penance."
"And does that not arouse carnal lusts?"
"Yes, but she takes care of them, uh, in her own way."
The Cardinal sighed. "And confesses next time? Then we've nothing to worry about. Just be equally discrete in future, O'Malley, if you please."
The End
© Copyright by Mara Maharakshasa, 2002. All rights are reserved by the author. Do not retransmit, store (except for personal use) or publish without permission.
Reviews
Dyke Grrl <dyke.grrl(at)verizon(dot)net>
The best part of this story is the characterization. The personalities of the two men come through clearly, and one gets the sense of sitting unobserved watching their discussion. I still haven't managed to work out where the title comes in, but perhaps that's because I'm not Catholic.
Jodi <ladiejj(at)webtv(dot)net>
This story gives us a somewhat satirical view of a serious topic. The author does a good job of relating the story to spanking. There is some good writing and some interesting dialogue here.
Owen Williamson <ashthorn(at)maildulf(dot)com>
I think this story would work perfectly well without any reference to the scandal with the little boys, which both dates it and makes it edgy.
If the strange formatting of the dialogue were cleaned up then I think this could make quite an enjoyable tale. As it is, though, I don't feel it works very well.
Mary Catherine <marycatherine(at)saintfrancis-sfg(dot)net>
Good use of dialogue and nicely written, but I didn't feel as if I really knew anything about the characters from reading this piece. The characters and their motivations seemed a bit distant for my taste.