This short story is an entry in the 2002 Soc.Sexuality.Spanking Summer Short Story Contest and is copyright by the author and commercial use is prohibited without permission. Personal/private copies are permitted only if complete including the copyright notice. The author would appreciate your comments
Category: Adult I suggested the first sentence of this story for the first/last lines
section, but I doubt, somehow, it'll be accepted.
Paperwork Reduction Act
By
Kent Stoneking <kentls01@pacifier.com>
A self-propelled vehicle, or trailer or semi-trailer, is not a highway vehicle if it (A) consists of a chassis to which there has been permanently mounted (by welding, bolting, riveting, or other means) machinery or equipment to perform a construction, manufacturing, processing, farming, mining, drilling, timbering, or operation similar to any one of the foregoing enumerated operations if the operation of the machinery or equipment is unrelated to transportation on or off the public highways, (B) the chassis has been specially designed to serve only as a mobile carriage and mount (and a power source, where applicable) for the particular machinery or equipment involved, whether or not such machinery or equipment is in operation, and (C) by reason of such special design, such chassis could not, without substantial structural modification, be used as a component of a vehicle designed to perform a function of transporting any load other than that particular machinery or equipment or similar machinery or equipment requiring such a specially designed chassis.
"Oh, good Lord." Driscoll turned away from his monitor in disgust. He stepped over to the doorway of his office and shouted, "Ms. McLaine? I need to see you. Now!"
A few moments later, Valerie McLaine appeared. "You called, Chief?"
"Ms. McLaine, this is your work, right?" Driscoll asked, indicating the monitor.
She scanned the writing. "Yeah. So?"
He sighed. "You did get that memo from the Commissioner, that all future notices be written in clear, concise English?"
"Yeah, I got it."
"And you send me this?"
Valerie shrugged her shoulders. "I don't see anything wrong with it."
"Nothing wrong!" he thundered. "It's a single sentence, and it's --" he checked the word count -- "one hundred sixty-five words long! If I took something like this up to the Committee, they'll have my head!"
"It's not such a big deal --"
"Not a big deal? Ms. McLaine, you don't ignore the Commissioner's memos! You just don't!" Before she could reply, he opened his desk drawer and took out a foot-long wooden ruler. "You know the agreed-on penalty for this offense. Get across my desk."
"Mr. Driscoll --"
"NOW, Ms. McLaine!"
"Oh, all right."
She stomped her foot, but nevertheless assumed the position. He folded her skirt up onto her back, lowered her panties, and held the ruler against her bottom. "One stroke for each word," he reminded her. And, without further ado, he started administering them.
"This is the third time this month I've had to do this to you, Ms. McLaine," Driscoll remarked as he worked. "I almost think you're enjoying this."
Bent across his desk like she was, he couldn't see her secret smile.
The End
© Copyright Summer, 2002
Reviews
Kate <ecattiva(at)aol(dot)com>
Ack, that first sentence was awful! :-) This story was funny and sexy. I swear I experienced sympathy pains when I read, "He folded her skirt up onto her back, lowered her panties, and held the ruler against her bottom. 'One stroke for each word,' he reminded her.", but at the same time, I found it very hot. I like the way the characters address each other as Mr. and Ms. as it lends a sort of vintage feel to the story since most people seem to go by first names these days even in business. Well done!
Haron <haron(at)newsguy(dot)com>
The main character of this story should get a special award for her linguistic prowess. It takes a particularly gifted writer to write this badly. As for the author - he deserves double praise for coming up with a character who can write in this sort of language. The story is hilarious, and very well crafted.
Dyke Grrl <dyke.grrl(at)verizon(dot)net>
This is an amusing story, and perhaps goes a long way to explain government documents--if there are spanko bottoms getting rewarded for writing sentences that are too long.... <G> The story is well-written, and displays good skill, particularly in how it fits so neatly into the number of words allotted; there isn't too much, and there isn't too little.
Needy Wench <needywench(at)hotmail(dot)com>
ONE HUNDRED SIXTY-FIVE??????? I've wondered for months now how to encourage my students to improve their writing, but Kent has come up with a truly imaginative solution! Or perhaps he's come up with the reason the writing is so atrocious to begin with? And SSC - take note - we could run the whole story contest next year based on who could write the longest sentence!