This short story is an entry in the 2002 Soc.Sexuality.Spanking Summer Short Story Contest and is copyright by the author and commercial use is prohibited without permission. Personal/private copies are permitted only if complete including the copyright notice. The author would appreciate your comments
Category: Adult Finally, a story came to me. The first one since sometime last year. I was starting to think I wouldn't have anything to write about for the contest! And this is the first year I won't have to do manual word counts! YAAY! <BG>
Allowing It
By
Her mind swirls, she can't think. She can't decide if what she feels is anger, or hurt, or disgust. She knows the truth now, how he really feels, but part of her knew all along, so who's to blame? He cares about her, but there's something about her that he can't stomach, something that makes her absolutely verboten when it comes to sex. He'll still spank her of course, she's good enough for that, just not good enough to fuck. He doesn't want to hurt her, he says, so she can never really ask him what it is about herself that turns him off so completely. Something feels disconnected in her and she can't explain the feeling, even to herself.
She tells him that it's okay, acts as if everything is as it should be. It is, partially, because she knows he's never given her any indication that anything would happen between them. They have never played games like that; why start now. She tries to own her reactions, tries to reconcile what is, with what she wants; because she knows that she's deluded herself all along, to a certain degree. The spanking is enough she tells herself, while part of her wants to shred her own skin for being so utterly unattractive to him. She wants to be what he wants, but how can she when she doesn't know what that is?
She allows the relationship to continue on the path that was set long ago, so unwilling to give up contact with him. Remaining friends, she decides, is better than nothing, sex isn't worth losing him completely. She'll get spanked, which fills a great need. He'll still be in charge of her, he just won't ever want to touch her except to spank her, whip her, take unwilling sexual tension out on her ass. She accepts it, it's the only thing she can get from him, physically, even as she wonders how the hell he can want to if she repulses him so. She wonders how he can hold her in his arms while she calms down after he punishes her, wonders how he can do any of it. She doesn't ask, she can't; it would destroy the illusion. She can feel as though he loves her when he spanks her, because he cares enough for her to spank her. He always knows what she needs, when she needs it, when it comes to spanking, but he doesn't seem to know or care what she needs when it comes to her sexual hunger, which the spankings fuel. She'll take what she can get, even as her unasked questions poke at her psyche like pins to a balloon. She just wishes she didn't have to, wishes he'd come to his senses, wishes he'd tell her what she wants to hear, even as she knows it's time to come to her own senses and just learn to accept.
She just can't, not yet.
The End
© Copyright Summer, 2002
Reviews
Needy Wench <needywench(at)hotmail(dot)com>
This is so sad! You've taken the flip side of the tale we hear so often. This isn't vanilla, "why won't he spank me", it's the exact opposite. You've capture the emotions so well, too - why upset the apple cart? If it wasn't just so darn sad!
Pablo Stubbs <Pablo.Stubbs(at)newsguy(dot)com>
This is a very impressive piece of work, full of honesty and clearly-defined pain - even if the pain is about things not being clear. The voice has a weary, almost stunned quality which conveys so much on its own. The reader learns a great deal about this person, because the piece is full of telling detail. No answers though, because, well, there *are* no answers here.
Simon <srb(at)imrryr(dot)demon(dot)co(dot)uk>
This was an original and emotional story about what happens when people have different needs from a relationship. This can be a difficult issue for a lot of people, and this story explores it with great insight and eloquence. The woman's feelings and her dilemma are very believable, especially the way she is torn over whether or not to end the relationship. I was very interested by the way that one party wants sex and the other does not, and felt that it was discussed very effectively.
RCG <rcg1574(at)yahoo(dot)com>
I liked that. Writing about feelings and emotions is difficult. Writing about those of others is hard to do. Writing about your own is risky. Having protrayed them truly is rewarding.