This short story is an entry in the 2001 Soc.Sexuality.Spanking Summer Short Story Contest and is copyright by the author and commercial use is prohibited without permission. Personal/private copies are permitted only if complete including the copyright notice. The author would appreciate your comments
Category: Dunno. Adult? Humor?
The Best Bottom of the Year
By
Valerie Meilong <VMeilong1@excite.com>
"Uh-huh," said my husband several times into the bedside phone. He cradled it. "You've been nominated for a Boy," he said. "How nice," I replied. We made love.
Two days later I said, "What's a Boy?" He smiled. "Best Bottom of the Year Award. BBOY. Two B's. It's given by the S.O.B, the Society of Bottom-beaters, for spanking-films," he said, "And spanking-stories."
"How nice," I replied.
"You'll have to go to New Yoik," he said. So, I wing my way on TWA to JFK. Two mini-bottles of Bourbon later, and after consuming rubber chicken and pale-gravy-coloured vegetables, nature calls. "Where's the loos?" I ask the stewardess. "The bathrooms are at the rear end," she smiles. "I don't wanna bathe, I wanna pee," I snap back. She displays disgust at my crudeness.
I 'm met by Jian Fen, an ex-classmate. After we press breasts together, we take a cab. "Good morning," I say politely. "Where d'ya wannago, Lady? East soid? West soid? State soid?" says the driver. I nearly say soid by soid.
"Can you take us to the corner of Broadway, please, where it meets Ninth Avenue?" I say. (Explanation: that's my agent's N.Y. office.) "Duh," he says. My bilingual companion nasally snarls "We wanna go to Broadway and Nointh, Okay?"
"Awright awready," says the man. "Geez!"
We arrive. "I need a receipt, please driver," I say. He clicks his meter. "Too late, babe. I toined it ohworf awready."
"No receipt, no money," I say firmly.
"Geddout the fucking car or I'll throw y'out. - ass-ole" he snarls. Charming!
My agent shows me the list of nominated fillums. Tops and Bottoms; The Bottom of the Class; Paddle your Own Canoe (and the Canadian version: Pas Deul Yeux Rh�ne Que Nous); Mary, Queen of Swats; Four Spankings and a Funeral; Sabrina, the Teenaged Switch. "Your stories need cutsie titles like that," he growls." "What's with Dreams, Memories, Jealousy? Oomph zero!" I blush.
I'm taken to my hotel. Nice one. You can buy a dozen straps or canes, a Lurex thong, and a vibrator shaped like the Empire State just by leaning out of the window.
That evening, off to the hostility room in the Marriott. The hostess looks like a looks like a coach and four. The glamour-bottoms can't laugh because their surgery might slide. "New to Noo Yoik?" says someone. "It's very new," I laugh. She's not offended. "People say 'That's Noo York' a lot in Noo York. It means 'Take us as you find us. Take the rough with the smooth.' And if you don't like it piss off," she says straight-faced.
Dinner was a long drawn-out affair, with a low boredom threshold. After the speeches came snipets from the films - all good dirty stuff. The award-winners thank everybody, including their agent's proctologist and their mother's spider plant.
Did I win a BBOY? Did I fuck as like. The award was scooped by Alex Birch. The others were livid. Obviously, La Vice Anglaise was considered superior to La Vice Américaine.
The End
Awright, awready! So I did swipe a phrase or two from Maureen Lipman. Geez! Sorry Mor.
© Copyright Summer, 2001
This document may contain explicit material of an ADULT nature. ***READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!*** This story is for entertainment purposes only, and it does not necessarily represent the viewpoint of the author. All characters are fictional and any resemblance to any real person alive or dead is purely coincidental. The Copyright of this story is held by ESP Publishing Ltd., Beijing, China. All Rights Reserved. Free distribution via an electronic medium such as the Internet is permitted as long as the text is not modified, and the name of the author and this copyright notice is clearly included. Any other form of publication is expressly forbidden unless authorized in writing by ESP Publishing Ltd.
Reviews
Needy Wench <needywench(at)hotmail(dot)com>
There's too much sharp edged humour in this for me to enjoy it fully. The idea of an awards ceremony for our little story telling contest is intriguing, but I prefer to think we'd be more civilised. Or would we?
RCG <rcg1574(at)yahoo(dot)com>
If I had ideas like that, I'd be scared of myself. The New York humour is amusing, but the story itself seems weak.