Men
Are Just Testicles In Prison
by Sterling
Chapter 5 of 10
In
some respects, Bill was a one-exhibit zoo. Teachers brought classes of
girls of all different ages. Most had him pull down his pants to
display his male anatomy and had the girls file by to see it up close.
But unlike that first teacher, none of the others had him achieve an
erection, much less give a sample. None gave a lengthy talk about what
a disgusting and barely tolerated specimen of humanity he was.
Adult
women came by in groups for a brief look. He glanced at the faces of
everyone who came, and saw a wide range of reactions. Some never made
eye contact at all. Others looked at him with contempt. Others just
seemed curious, wondering what this strange gender of humanity was.
Some
of the younger girls smiled openly at him, and he dared to smile back.
Older girls rarely did that, and he soon found out why, as the others
ridiculed a girl who had been caught smiling at him.
After a
certain age, when the girls showed signs of physical development, he
saw another sort of reaction, a kind of embarrassment. Thinking about
what Amy had told him, he wondered if it was the beginnings of those
romantic feelings women had for men.
A group of five adolescent
girls came down some afternoons when no one else was there and taunted
him with rude remarks. He just looked down and gave the Dworkinian
party line answers to any questions he was asked. One asked if he'd
pull his pants down for them. Bill said he ought to check with Amy
first, and they hastily withdrew the request. He and they both knew
that the elders would frown on any such curiosity without an official
purpose.
Bill
had come to Shady Pines in the fall. It was the height of summer the
next year when a woman visited by herself one afternoon. He immediately
recognized her as one who had just a few days before given him a long
look of open curiosity, perhaps even friendliness. She was also quite
memorable for her lustrous brown hair, clear blue eyes, and lovely
round face.
"Hi. I'm Alison," she said.
"Pleased to meet you," he replied. "I'm Bill."
She seemed oddly ill at ease. "What's your life like?"
"Oh.
I eat. I sleep. I provide semen samples. I read a bit," he said,
pointing to a couple magazines. Screwing women through the bars wasn't
something to mention.
"That seems pretty bleak."
He shrugged.
"I
lived with my moms until a few months ago. My younger sister still
lives there. A lot of women are partnered by the time they're 22, but
some are like me and just share a house with other unattached women. In
our case it's an apartment. I mostly work in the furniture factories,
but in summer I love to work out in the vegetable gardens."
It seemed to Bill like a kind of artificial flurry of words, but he was
intrigued.
"At
night I mostly read or watch videos -- card games too sometimes. My
best friends were Kate and Sally, but they both got partnered so I
don't see them so much any more. Kate has a toddler... But you're
probably bored by all that."
"Not at all! I don't know much of
anything about Shady Pines. Are there separate neighborhoods for houses
and others for dining halls and stuff?"
"Oh, sure... I should bring you a map some time. There are two major
groups of houses and apartments..."
She
described more detail of her life, and it didn't sound artificial any
more. Bill found he had lots of questions, and Alison seemed happy to
answer them all.
After a while she looked at her watch. "I have to go now, but would you
mind if I came back some time to chat?"
"No,
that would be great! I mean, sure I'd be willing to if it's what you
would like." She was both beautiful and genuine, somehow, and he truly
enjoyed her company.
"It might be in the evening, when no one else is around."
"Sure."
"And you'd have to keep the visits a secret."
"Certainly," said Bill and smiled. "But I sometimes get visitors in the
evening."
"Oh! Do you know which nights they're coming?"
"Usually, but not always."
Alison looked troubled. "Is there any time when you're sure no one else
would come?"
"No one's ever been here really late, and they never come in the
morning before it's light out."
"But you're asleep then, right?"
"I have plenty of time to sleep; I can sleep all day if I want. I'd be
happy to talk any time."
Bill woke in the middle of the night to the sound of soft steps in the
hallway.
"Hi."
"Hello. What time is it?"
"Two-thirty."
"Right." He stifled a yawn.
"Do you mind I came?"
"No, it's fine. Really."
They stood awkwardly on opposite sides of the bars. He could barely
make her out in the dim light.
Alison sat, leaning against the wall opposite the cell.
Bill sat just inside the bars.
"So what do you eat?"
"They bring me a bowl for each meal. Usually oatmeal for breakfast.
Potatoes or some sort of stew for lunch and dinner."
"Just oatmeal? Just potatoes?"
"There's usually cheese and some raisins in the oatmeal."
"No fruit? No salad? No dessert?"
Bill
had occasionally seen these things when women or girls were eating when
they visited him. Not salad, though. He remembered his place. "I'm
thankful to be fed."
"Do you want to know about our meals?"
He hesitated. "OK."
"You don't sound so sure."
"I
try to be thankful for what I have. I mean, I am thankful. But I was
thinking about all the stuff you told me before. It's really
interesting, but it's also kind of hard to hear about things out there
I'll never do and things I'll never have."
"It's not fair," said Alison. "No one deserves to be treated like they
treat you."
"It's
not like I'm a woman, right? I have my place. And I shouldn't be
envious." Bill realized he really did want to hear anything this woman
wanted to say. "It's OK, go ahead, I'd like to hear about the food."
She
described all the different kinds of things they ate, especially now in
the summer when the vegetable garden was producing its bounty.
The subject seemed to reach a natural end, and there was a pause.
"What do you do?"
"I
eat, sleep, take sponge baths from time to time, and provide semen
samples." After a pause, he continued, "I read books and magazines
sometimes. Science books, and books and magazines about Dworkinism and
the news."
"That's what you said before. No music?"
"No."
"No games?"
"No."
"Why do they have to make your life so miserable?"
"You
know the answer, right? My only purpose is to provide semen. We men are
inferior in our violent impulses and we have a long history of
oppressing women, so it's just that we suffer for the sins of our
forefathers."
"Do you believe that? That you're inferior?"
He hesitated. "Yes..." Amy had questioned this too, and he was
beginning to wonder.
"And why should you suffer for what men did earlier? You didn't do it
yourself."
"I... I'm not sure, but Dworkinism is quite clear on the point."
She sighed. "Yeah, I guess it is. But don't you ever dream of being
free? Able to do whatever you want?"
"Freedom
is not a good idea for a male. We have violent and aggressive natures,
and you never know when a man will turn violent. So it is best for
everyone if we remain locked up."
"Do you feel like you have a violent and aggressive nature?"
"No, I'm not aware of that. But I'm sure it's lurking within me, and it
might emerge at any time."
After a pause, she said, "I don't believe that. I don't believe you're
worthless. I don't believe you're violent."
Bill felt a bit of warmth stir in his chest.
Alison seemed agitated, and she rose and shifted uneasily from foot to
foot. "Look, I've got to go, OK?"
"Um, sure."
Lying
in bed, Bill tried to sort out his feelings. He was fascinated by
Alison. She was attractive, sure, but there was more. She treated him
almost like a woman. She hadn't expressed the slightest interest in
what made him unique -- his male apparatus. He reminded himself that he
should expect nothing, that this was just a passing curiosity on
Alison's part and when it passed things would go back to the way they
were before.
Alison didn't come the next night, but she came the night after, again
at 2:30.
She lit a thick candle and placed it on the floor, then showed him the
contents of a cloth bag.
"See?"
"Tomatoes?"
"Yeah, I brought you some. Just picked today -- or yesterday, I guess
it is."
"I've never had them fresh like this. Are you sure it's OK?"
"What do you mean?"
"Like, are they stolen?"
"No, silly. No one inventories the tomatoes on the vines... But you
wouldn't know that, would you..."
"Maybe
I should have known... Anyway, thank you!" He bit into one, and juice
ran down his cheek. After his second bite, he said, "That tastes
fantastic!"
"Glad you liked it. And you've never had a tomato before?"
"Only in stews." Bill demolished the first tomato and started on the
second.
Alison made some idle chatter about her day while Bill ate.
"I brought some cards. You want to learn a game?"
"Ummm... Sure!"
"Wipe your hands off first. We don't want to get the cards sticky."
Bill got up to fetch the grubby towel provided for his use.
"OK, let's start with rummy."
The
two sat cross-legged on their respect sides of the bars. Bill listened
attentively as she explained the rules. Amy had to teach him how to
shuffle. At first she giggled at his clumsiness, but then sobered up
and said she realized he'd never had any chance to play with cards
before.
It was pretty interesting. After several hands, Amy said, "How about
Slapjack?"
"Slapjack?"
"I
had so much fun with it when I was a little girl. We each take half the
cards. We take turns turning one over. If it's a jack, then whoever
says 'Slapjack' quickest and slaps it wins the pile."
"But
where's the pile?" It was apparent that she'd have the advantage if the
pile was outside the cell and he would if it was inside.
"We'll put it inside with you. Since I'm experienced and you're an
inferior sort of person."
He saw her wry smile.
At
first she slapped most of the jacks, but he got the hang of it quickly,
and before long his advantage began to tell. So after a while they put
the pile outside the bars. Each won a few rounds and then Bill started
winning consistently, even where she had the home court advantage.
"Hey, you're an inferior kind of person! Why don't you act like it!"
Bill grinned. He'd never had so much fun in his life.
In
a close play, the loser's hand slaps down right on top of the winner's.
After a streak of Bill's wins, Alison growled in genuine exasperation.
She pressed down firmly to trap his hand and didn't let up.
Bill
enjoyed the touch, so he sat and waited. The seconds dragged on. Then
she slowly lifted his hand and held it in both of hers and brought it
up close to her face.
"It's big," she said softly. "No woman's
hand looks like this." She raised it to her mouth and kissed each
finger in turn. When she'd kissed the pinky she looked up at Bill but
lowered her eyes right away. After a moment's pause she rose to her
knees, right next to the bars.
Bill rose to his knees too, so
their faces were inches apart. Bill was delighted. They kissed through
the bars, very gently. Then they kissed again, and yet again. Bill was
aware of a swelling in his pants, but he didn't draw attention to it.
He wanted to see what Alison was interested in. If she felt like
stripping and presenting her rear end, he'd be happy to have sex, but
this felt different. Alison was different from Amy somehow. Amy was
interested in him as a man, but Alison seemed to see him as a person.
Like a woman who happened to be male.
He followed her lead in
getting to his feet and standing to the side, away from the playing
cards. Alison reached through the bars to try to hug him, and Bill
followed suit, but Alison sighed. "That's hardly a hug, is it..."
Bill
had never had a hug in his memory, but he'd seen girls and women do it,
and he had occasionally let himself think it would be nice.
"Do you like me?"
Bill nodded.
"Do you feel violent or angry?"
Bill shook his head, surprised. "Not at all."
"You promise to be good?"
Bill look perplexed, but nodded.
Alison reached into her pocket and removed a key. "Even if I come in
there?
Bill's heart leapt, and he nodded vigorously. "Where did you get that?"
"There's a drawer upstairs with spares... So if you start feeling
violent, you'll let me know so I can leave in time?"
"Sure," he said. He really did feel sure about it.
She unlocked the door, stepped into his cell, and closed it behind her.
"Be gentle, OK?" she said as he approached, a trace of fear in her eyes.
"Of course," he said softly.
Their bodies folded together and Bill felt the soft warmth. She rested
her head on his shoulder.
Bill
gave a sigh of contentment. So this was a real hug. They were both
fully clothed, but this felt closer to a woman than he'd ever been. He
smelled her hair, then ran one arm up and down her back while the other
fondled her butt. He certainly wanted her.
She looked up. "So you like me? You find me sexy?"
"God, yes!"
"A man. Hugging a man," she said, half to herself. "Kiss me again."
The kiss without intervening bars was much freer.
"Mmmm. A beard." She pulled back. "Can we lie down?" Eying the cot, she
said, "It is meant for one, isn't it... But it will do."
Following
her direction, Bill lay on his side, back against the wall, and Alison
lay in front of him, in spoon position, just barely fitting.
Bill's
eyes started filling with tears. It had felt like a gift from heaven
that he'd gotten to actually penetrate Amy rather than just ejaculating
into little cups, but that was nothing compared to this -- a real woman
in his arms, warm and soft. He had a hard-on, of course, and he'd be
happy to fuck. But just to feel her friendly warmth, that was heaven.
Or just possibly, there was this way of combining sex and this
tenderness that women did, this thing called 'making love'! Maybe a man
and woman could do that too... He sniffled.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"I'm just happy," he said. "And I feel kind of guilty because I'm not
supposed to be happy."
"Oh, you poor man," she said, emphasizing the last word a little.
"I've never gotten to hug anyone before," he said.
"Oh, my God," said Alison. "I never thought of that! That is so sad!
Not even your handler, when you were younger?"
"Not that I can remember."
She wriggled to turn over and face him, an operation requiring care as
the cot was so narrow..
They
kissed passionately. "And this thing I feel down here... That must be
your penis. And the way people used to do it... men and women... the
man stuck it inside. And hurt the woman like hell, but... part of me
really wants it. I mean, mostly I just want you, to kiss and
everything." She kissed him again and broke into a radiant smile. "But
part of me is sick and unenlightened and likes the idea of that
sticking into me... Are you having trouble controlling yourself? To
keep from raping me?"
"No, I'm not -- though I'll admit, I'd really love to do it. But, you
know what?"
"What?"
"There may be a few things I know that you don't. I've got a few
secrets."
"Oh?"
"Remember I told you sometimes women visit me in the evenings?"
"Yeah."
"They come to get penetrated the old-fashioned way."
"They do! In here?" Alison's eyes were wide with interest.
"No...
They stick their butts against the bars and I stick my penis through
and into them. That way nothing too terrible happens if I get violent.
At least that's the way they see it."
"Do they scream? Do you get really excited knowing they're suffering?
That's always been the weirdest part for me."
"No,
it's not like that. Amy had some inside information that turns out to
be right. In the old days, it was really rare for a man to rape a
woman. Mostly the women really wanted it, and it felt really great to
them, and the man too. And both of them loved making the other feel
good."
"Really?"
"Amy was the first one to try it. And she liked it so much we did it a
bunch of times."
"Oh. Do you still do it?" Her tone made it obvious she didn't want him
doing it with anyone else.
"She might come by, though she hasn't in a while. But we won't any
more. I'll put her off."
"OK."
"But,
with all of them -- not just Amy -- the women don't hurt. And I'm
really glad they don't. Some use their fingers and have orgasms."
"While you're raping them?!"
"While
I'm sliding in and out, yes. It doesn't hurt them. They say it feels
really good to have me pumping in and out. And it would be way less
awkward without the bars between us."
Alison said quietly, "And we could do that... right now?"
"Only if you wanted. Of course, you might get pregnant."
"Oh,
right! Wait, let me do some math... No, it should be fine. And the idea
of getting pregnant just naturally? That's kind of exciting too."
"You've done it with other women, right? What's it like?"
"Sure.
We kiss and rub and stuff, and have orgasms. We hug and sleep together
at night. But something wasn't right The books and leaders all talk
about loving other women. But I never really did. Sex was just
something you did, but I never felt that special feeling the way some
of the women do for each other. And we're all supposed to. But then
when I looked through those bars at you, that first time, something
stirred, something that felt kind of like love. So I thought I'd get to
know you."
Bill smiled. "So I'm the most attractive man you've ever seen?"
"I have seen one other. Carl, the guy before you." She shuddered.
"What happened to him anyway?" Bill had forgotten that she would have
known him.
"Oh, you don't know? He killed himself."
"What?"
"Yeah.
It turned out his handler Rachel was just really mean to him. Too mean
for even a man. He left a note explaining. It kind of shook people up
to think a woman could make a man feel bad enough to kill himself just
by saying mean things. Men are supposed to be tough and cruel. That's
why she lost the job and Amy took over. I think she's teaching second
grade now."
Bill made a connection. "Does she have short reddish hair?"
"Yes, why?"
"She's the one! Wow!" He described the scene when her class had
visited, including her making him rub semen in his hair.
Amy frowned. "That's so mean of her! And you never did anything to
her..."
They both grew quiet and looked into each other's eyes. "So..." she
said softly. "Will you do it to me -- and be nice?"
"Of course," Bill said. "And if you don't like it, we'll stop."
"Let's take all our clothes off..." They sat up long enough to strip.
"Your penis -- that's so exciting and so scary."
"No
hurry about that." Bill was thrilled to see a woman's body with no bars
in the way. He dove down onto her breast and sucked hungrily, while
Alison moaned, stroking his hair. His hand crept up between her bare
legs. She spread them to let him at her female parts. He tried with his
fingers the motion he'd used with Amy's former lover that she'd enjoyed.
After
a few minutes of excited moans, Alison said, "I'm ready, I think. I
want it. I may be crazy, but I want it. You say it won't hurt?"
"Only a little, maybe, but it goes away."
"So I lie back like this, and you get on top of me?"
"Yeah. I've never done it this way before, so I'm not sure about the
details."
"Oh, because it doesn't work through the bars this way?"
"Right." He decided not to mention the contortion Amy had used to
approximate this position.
Bill spread his upper thighs across Alison's, lowering his cock into
position.
Suddenly
she froze and covered her crotch with her hands. "You're sure you're
not going to hurt me? Your face looks kind of... not loving."
Bill
realized he did feel something more primal than love. "Oh, I really do
want to get it in so much... but not if you don't want." He stroked her
cheek tenderly. "I don't want to hurt you, and I'll go real slow, OK?"
He kissed her nose and smiled.
"Come to think of it, women look kind of like that when they're going
for orgasm... OK, I trust you."
She held herself open with one hand and guided him with the other.
He pressed, and slowly increased the pressure. Her tissues stretched.
"OK?"
"Yeah, OK. I can't believe it -- I really want it to go inside!"
He pressed further, and suddenly her pussy tissue gave way to let his
tip through her ring of muscles.
"Oh,
God!" she said, and reached down to grab Bill's butt cheeks and then
pressed their bodies together. Her eyes widened as she forced him into
her. "Is it all the way in?"
"Not quite," said Bill. "You want it in more?"
"If it doesn't hurt... yes!"
Bill
weaseled himself in an inch or two further. Alison's face showed no
hint of pain. He started a slow in and out motion and was encouraged by
her dreamy smile. He made his strokes longer and a little faster.
"Are you in agony?" he asked playfully.
"Oh, God no!"
He picked up the pace some more, shifting position slightly from time
to time.
"Oh! Oh, just like that!" said Alison. "No, the one before that...
Yeah, that's right!"
Bill
paused to think just how fantastic he felt, chest to chest with this
beautiful, kind woman, thrusting deep into her body to her immense
delight -- and his.
"Oh, yes, Bill, oh, yes, oh..." She then
went silent but clutched his back and shuddered. He felt a couple faint
squeezes on his cock and in himself a fuller pleasure than ever before
built rapidly. He gave a few more fast and deep strokes before
convulsing, sending his semen spewing into Alison's depths. She had
been holding her breath, and suddenly started gulping for air, smiling
and kissing him as he eagerly kissed her back, his cock slipping from
her hot and soupy tunnel.
"I guess I can see a little bit why they call it violent," she said.
"But it's the best violence ever!"
The two lovers lay intertwined, their breathing slowing. Bill pulled
his blanket over them.
He
soon realized Alison was asleep, and he smiled. She had trusted him
enough to come into his cell and share her body with him, but falling
asleep seemed to show the most trust of all. He was drowsing himself
when he heard a noise outside and not too far away.
"Alison," he said softly, and she came awake at once. "I heard a
noise." The two of them were still but heard nothing more.
"I'd better be going. It wouldn't do to be discovered like this, now,
would it?"
That needed no reply, and within a couple minutes Alison was dressed
and everything put away.
They shared one last hug and she locked the door behind her, pocketing
the key.
Bill
felt profoundly satisfied as never before. As he was falling asleep, he
had the brief image of having the key to his cell himself. What would
that feel like?
Alison
came at 3am the next night, and there was a candle but no tomatoes or
cards. She let herself into his cell. They embraced passionately and
explored each other's bodies sensually for half an hour before she
begged him to plunge into her. Fifteen minutes later they both came,
both twitching ecstatically while he pumped seed into her inner place.
After ten minutes he was ready to go again. She came twice that time
before he did. His vaginal intrusion organ stiffened once more 45
minutes later, and she eagerly invited it to intrude into her vagina.
She said she'd had enough orgasms and just studied him intently with a
smile as his excitement built, peaked, and subsided.
The next
night when she came he said, "I'm supposed to provide a sample tomorrow
morning, so tonight's not so good. Maybe we should just play cards."
They
played two hands of rummy half-heartedly in his cell. But then they
figured a kiss and a hug shouldn't be a problem, but... would he mind
terribly sticking his hand down her pants? And would he mind if she
stuck hers into his? Their respective sexy parts engorged and ready,
they couldn't resist sliding the one into the other, which was OK just
as long as he didn't come. She came, and as she lay in the glow of her
orgasm he began reluctantly to pull out, but she wanted him to stay
inside. And move a little more. And did he want to come? More than
anything. He'd still have some stuff to give in a few hours, right?
Yeah, some. What was it to them if some woman didn't get a baby that
month? Instinct and desire prevailed, and he made her wet pussy a
little wetter.
Amy didn't seem to notice that his production the
next day was meager, so the two lovers met again that night. But Amy
did notice the next day that the contents of the cup could better be
described as dribbles than a pool.
"Hey, are you sick?" she asked. "Or is somebody sneaking in to get it
on the sly?"
He was ready for the question. "Ummm, I sometimes waste the precious
stuff in self-pollution."
Amy smiled but chided him gently. "Remember your job. This is how you
earn your keep."
"Yes, ma'am," he said.
He made sure the woman's third dose was of normal size.
"There's
a woman who wants it the old-fashioned way starting day after
tomorrow," Bill said as he and Alison lay in afterglow. "I suppose I
could say no."
"You actually stick it into her?"
Bill nodded.
"I don't like the idea. I want you all to myself."
"You don't mind me fathering babies with other women."
"That's different."
"True. But this doggy-style thing is pretty impersonal too."
"Can we try it some time? So I can see what it's like?"
"Sure. In about five minutes, if you'd like."
"OK." She sighed. "But you should do it in any case. It's your job."
Alison
agreed that getting it from the rear was pretty impersonal and the bars
between them made it way less satisfactory, though she liked it anyway.
"They're
building two new houses, and the first is framed in. It's a new design,
and I think it's cool. I wish I could show you."
Bill said nothing, but stopped stroking her hair.
"I really could show you, couldn't I! We could just go there. You
promise you won't try to run away?"
"Where would I run too? And I'd never run away from you."
She smiled and they shared a brief kiss.
"But if anyone saw us..." he said.
"There's no one around at this time of night. You want to go? Right
now?" Her face shone bright with mischief.
"I don't have any shoes."
"Hmmm. Let me see what I can find."
She got up, dressed, and crossed the hall to rummage in the storage
room.
The door was open, but still Bill said, "Um, can I come too?"
Alison appeared at the doorway and smiled. "Yes."
Bill
realized it had been a dumb question considering their plan, but still
he'd felt the need to ask. Then, for the first time since his arrival
at Shady Pines, Bill stepped out of his cell. He realized there was so
much he'd been curious about. He looked at the empty cells on either
side of his, and the ordinary toilet stall down at the end. He studied
the window at the end of the hall.
"Where are you?" she called.
"Oh,
sorry, it's just there's so much I've never seen," he said, entering
the store room. Alison had found three pairs of beat-up shoes. They
found one pair that he could get his feet into, and by taking the laces
from a smaller pair they were ready to use. They also found a jacket
for him.
Alison led the way out of the building, and Bill
breathed the fresh air of a cool summer night. He'd been at Shady Pines
nearly a year. Through whispered conversations she explained what all
the buildings were and answered his questions. Since everything outside
was new to him, the new houses were just an incidental part of the
tour. Then a light coming on in a window made them realize that the sky
in the east was no longer totally dark, so they quickly returned to the
former police station and covered the tracks of their illicit
night-time activities. Alison locked Bill in, though he thought he saw
her hesitate briefly before putting the key in her pocket.
A
little freedom made Bill hunger for more, so they took several more
expeditions on other nights, ranging farther afield, exploring a little
into the wilderness around the community.
Once Alison surprised
him by opening the door to an out-of-the-way house and inviting him in.
The resident couple were away on a trip, and so the two of them made
love on a real bed for the first time. On one evening when the weather
was especially warm they did it on the carpet of needles in a pine
grove on the hill.