Children used to go the mines — but no one ever said their should be no miners. Many of the conditions of the sex industry are like the those Victorian mines: child exploitative, dangerous to health, poor social standing — but you can make good money. The mining industry has cleaned up its act (in the First World). The sex industry is slower up that path. But I've seen it improve so much over the last fifteen years my sister has been in and out of it.
Respect & Dignity
This has two parts: the easy one, and the hard one. The easy one is making
sure you get the respect of your punters and maintain your personal dignity
in front of them. By the way, keeping your dignity isn't the same as being
dignified — having someone shit in your mouth is not dignified, but
you can keep your dignity if you wanted it, and your the damn best shit eater
around. Now the punter ought to be pretty easy with this: they want something, you have
it, you control it.
Usually this is fine. Many punters are so nervous you feel like you're the one providing them with comfort and a social service. And most punters are jolly nice family men who would just like some different sex.
Of course, the two are linked: if you respect yourself and carry yourself with dignity, you get back respect and dignity … and a better class of punter who gives more money and better tips.
The hard one is not being slagged-off by other women. You have that hump to get over: most women can't imagine taking money for sex, you are some sort of impossible-to-know person, or a gender traitor.
The way my sister Kate has coped is to be up front and factual with those women she choose to tell (eg, some friends), or need to tell (eg, Doctors). She emphasises it's just a job, it has it's moments and its pains. If they let their judgementalism down for a moment, they usually become curious, and you can talk them through it. If they slag her off, she blows 'em out her arse.
Health
It's not just about proper medical checkups and ensuring the use of condoms.
That's the minimum. But also, get out more - a lot of sex working is late, dark,
boozy and druggy. Get into the sunshine, get into the clean air - do that
nature thing. Hiking boots aren't
a fashion accessory for our Kate, but she makes an effort get out to the park, to the beach, or just the back
garden.
Safety
You know that the lower down the food chain you go, the rougher it gets. Don't
work the streets. With mobiles and emails and websites and stuff, its not
really necessary to stand on street corners. Work for an escort agency or
for a massage parlor or for yourself. If you are getting older and losing
customers to the younger girls, specialise - offer a fetish your comfortable
in.
And remember, you're most at risk from strangers - so if you get to know a bit about your punters, they'll be less strange to you, and you'll be safer with them.
No
No is a good word. Use it when you want to. Your are offering a service. Say
No to things not on the menu. Money doesn't matter that much.
Can you be a Feminist Whore?
Absolutely, check out Annie Sprinkle. Sex is a commodity as well as a pleasure and a biological necessity. For how long have women traded their sex to a husband who is a "good provider"? Of course, the economic emancipation of women has lessened this bond — now women can earn their own money by trading their skills, and includes their sex skills. See Whore Wars for an account of the feminist vs. whore debate.
Third World
Computer programmers know the score: they price themselves up to decent salaries,
and then find some bright-spark middle manager who has heard you can go to a software
house in India and get the same job done for a fraction of the cost. Of course,
don't do as good a job, but still. It's same factor at work in the sex business. At least
programmers have to have some sort of skill. All a sex worker needs is genitals
and attitude.
Of course, for business men like my brother-in-law, it's great. He gets a better product (prettier, better educated, less attitude), at cheaper cost, and he can force the local girls to lower their prices or increase his commission.
If your a local whore and your market is being invaded by desperate girls from Eastern Europe or Africa or wherever, then all you can really do is cut your prices or go into a different market.
Lap Dancing, Escort Agencies & Massage Parlors
Bless them, I say. These three institutions have done more to take sex working
off the dangerous streets and make it safer and more socially acceptable than
any law reform. De facto, it has legalised brothels in all but name, without
politicians having to do anything difficult. Sure, there are plenty of dodgy
ones, and the police still harass when they fancy. But it's a lot better than the streets.
Burn Out
Sex working is intense. Strangers making strange requests that invade your
most intimate spaces. It's real easy to get completely mind-fucked with the
whole thing; especially if you have a bad pimp pressuring you to make more
money, or you have a bad habit that needs constant feeding - or both. If you
don't take time-out, you'll burn out.
Find some "self space" to be alone and intimate with yourself, without distraction.
Be honest with your feelings. Don't repress or it'll blow up in your face. Sex working is more than a regular job, it's a life choice. It's not the only choice. If you're not happy with it, choose differently, or at least take a break.
Be someone different from your working girl persona. Wear different stuff, visit different places, do different things. If you don't draw a boundary between work and home, you'll drive yourself as crazy as the middle-aged account manager who works 12 hour days at the office and then comes home to log-on and do his emails. This is especially important if you work from home.
Plan B
Sex working for most is not forever. Unless you really enjoy the work and
intend to working through to becoming that Granny-fuck fetish whore, have
a Plan B. If Kate needed to take a break from whoring but still need to make money,
she would return to Nursery Nursing. It still involved a lot of work with
Willies and Bottoms, but was a total break from hardcore full-in-your-face
sexual extremism. Shame it doesn't pay as well.