General Does and Don'ts
OK, this is based on watching my students, rather than my own teenage recollections of the 70s and 80s.
- Don't get too fat, 'cos that's ugly
- But don't get too thin, 'cos that weirds everybody out
- Absolutely don't get a reputation. The guys will treat you cheap and the
girls will slag you off
- But don't let everyone think you haven't done it. Virgins are magnets
for geeks and happy-clappy religious nutters
- Be smart, but not geeky
- Be cool, but don't try too hard
- Don't gross out your friends by going all mushy over a boyfriend, with
sicky PDAs (public displays of affection), and hours of texting.
You may need them after he dumps you
Boy Guide
Boys are alright, in small doses. And if you can get
them away from their mates they can be surprising human. But they do tend to fall into set patterns:
- Studs
- are good, especially if rich, unless they have an Alpha male complex, in which case their 'born-to-lead' mentality is a real pain.
- Jocks
- are OK if you like that level of muscular self-love.
- Gang Brothers
- are well hard, always good to tap for some drugs, but too spooky.
- Tory boys, Geeks and Mummy's boys
- — so very no
- Cheeky Gezzer Boys
- can be fun if you don't mind having the piss taken all the time
- Punk boys and Goth boys
- can be very depressing, though that's neat if you're feeling depressed
- Skater and Surfer Dudes
- great for sun-in highlights, but I wouldn't trust them to tie up their
own shoe laces
- Sad Footie Lads
- = boring unless you actually like football
- Gay boys
- can be great chums and cool, but are a bit of a blind alley … unless
they've got this cute boyfriend who's actually bi
- Party Dudes
- great in theory, but are really just kids who want to lark about all
the time, get pissed, and say "par'tay" in that annoyingly naff
American way, or worse, wanna "large it up".
- Biker boys
- dirty but sexy
- Rich boys
- arrogant, snobby, shallow, but lets not forget, rich
- Nice boys
- — sorry, but their Mother's lied to them, nice just isn't enough
Horrid words
Avoid these: gonorrhoea, ex, chlamydia, peer pressure, suicide, eating disorder,
a job.
Did any of that help?
No, well, it's a different world. I just try and encourage my teenage pupils be themselves - whatever that
is... so long as they stay popular, get lots of party invites, do weird stuff
that they're in control of, and keep their self respect. How hard can that be?