Ever wondered why it's so hard to find sexy uninhibited women? Well, sadly,
there are lots of reasons, mainly centred on the way (male dominated) society
castigates sexually active women. But men don't necessarily help themselves.
Here's a hint that perhaps we could use some work in the chat-up line department.
So here's the situation: you've never met me and you don't know me from Adam
(or Eve). How are you going to make me want to get to know you better? Not
these any of ways ...(these are real emails, quoted in full)
-
wanker man
- I would love you to send me some photos of you pissing so I could wank
over them
- me
- So you got some photos and a good wank, and I get ... naff all. Hmm, nearly
tempting.
-
loser man
- I'm married to a very boring women, but would love to piss over you.
- me
- So you think insulting one woman is a come-on to another. I'm sure your
wife says nice things about you too. Nice to be valued as a bit of fun in
the fight against tedium.
-
dickhead man
- I have a 9inch dick. Check it out at www...
- me
- I'm sure the two of you are very happy together already, I wouldn't want
to play gooseberry.
-
desperate to shag anyone man
- Hi Emily I adore English woman accents. I find them almost enticingly
sexy. I found your photo wonderful, hows summer going for you. I am need
of a english girlfriend, how about it?
- me
- So me and 20 million other English women take your fancy. That makes me
feel very special. But you seem to have forgotten to mention why I should
like you. And as for "How about it" well it's not exactly poetry, is it.
-
coward man
- I am the Master, you, bitch, will be my Slave. I will command your body
and you will obey, or face the consequences
- me
- Does this make you feel big? Or did you just confuse petty bullying for
a real and subtle complexities of a proper dominant / submissive relationship?
-
txt mn
- hey girl, just wanna ask one thing, r u for real? n if u are ur damn cute
- me
- Yes, texting has a lot to answer for, but ignoring the vowel-challenged
words, what are you supposed to answer to this? It's just like a grunt,
really. What was the point of sending it?
-
care and attention to detail man, not
- Is this web site still active?
- me
- Excuse me? Isn't updating it
a few times a week enough?
-
sense no speako man
- I saw you email in alt.sex, I dont want to receive your collection, instead
that I will like to know from you, you seems to be interesting, tell me!
- me
- Well this chap might of got away with it if he'd said, "me English
is good not" or something. But passing over that, what actually does
it want? And why should I give it to him?
-
really really really man
- I think you look really adorable... Do you really have sex with yuor sis
and dau?
- me
- It seems I'm a latter day flying dutchwoman, condemned to sail round the
same email questions again and again, not matter how full and frank the discussions
I post on the site.
-
no nouns man
- Hey there, i saw the internet site, and i was intrigued. Im assuming i
am writing Laura, and i was wondering what it was like? Did you feel and guilt
at all? Please respond, i am a very curious guy
- me
- Are you writing to my daughter? What was what like? "Feel and guilt" about what? You can't use
pronouns ("it") before you've stated the noun it's standing in
for.
Remember, those were complete emails, quoted verbatim. Nominations to this page are now closed. But sadly, the competition for ineptness
is still fierce.
'Alright Ms Smarty Pants', you might snort (if you were a very particular
sort of infantile Englishman), what do you want from a email gentleman caller?
- Paragraphs. And proper paragraphs, not just bullet points
- At least politeness, bordering on good manners - and don't feel that out-and-out
flattery is inappropriate. Be nice.
- Offer ideas for discussion, not just your declarative statements
- If you ask for something, offer something (even gratitude would be an
improvement)
- And if you're feeling in Advanced Mode, try to being amusing, interesting,
intriguing, and of course, flattering (tip: sycophancy is not a concept
I recognise).
Of course, there are more ept men than inept men, just not enough to go round.
